Readers' Submissions

Tips

  • Written by Pedro
  • March 9th, 2005
  • 9 min read

Being here for just 5 short months I am amazed at what I've seen so far here in Thailand. I arrived in Bangkok like most, and promptly hit the Sukumvit area for a late night stroll… finding my first Thai girl on the sidewalk somewhere around Nana. From there I've traveled for varying amounts of time to Patong, Pattaya, Udon Thani, and Ubon Rachathani. Yes, you read that correctly – Ubon. I am now here for a year, having accepted a teaching position at a government school.

I've read a great many of the articles here on Stickman, my favorite one being the Theory on Thai relationships that was written not too far back. I think it helped me understand a great deal of what I've seen here in the country. There's a definite difference between Thai girls and American girls. And though I've dated Thai girls in America, even married one once… I wasn't quite prepared for the difference in culture, attitudes, focus, and what I see as a shallowness of self… or emptiness of self… that is apparent with Thai women. Not to say that this is a bad thing, just a very "different" thing for me to witness… I studied Buddhism for a couple of years, meditated a bit, and also lost quite a bit of self in the process… and by self here I mean "ego" or that which we call our "self". So to me, losing self doesn't have a negative connotation… I hope someone is following me… at least one person!

I have had some relationships with Thai girls here, although short I've learned some things that I'd like to share to maybe get some private or public feedback about.

Here are my tips for farang new to the country. I'm open to criticism, both constructive and bullshit.

1. Don't offer a bargirl money to leave the bar and have a life with you. Many bargirls in Patong and Pattaya, from what I can tell… enjoy their time there. Especially the young ones (18+). They seem to be enjoying the crazy life… drinking, fucking, staying out late, staying wherever they want, making decent money – 10-80,000 baht per month depending on season and how much they can command for short/longtime or overseas boy toys will send them. I have a masters in psychology and I think I feel a strong need to "HELP" these girls when I meet a nice one… helping by offering that they can leave the bar scene and be my maid for 10,000 per month, free room, free food, etc. And you know, it just isn't an attractive offer to them. They like the excitement. They like the attention. They are superstars where they are. They have many many friends, acquaintances, and partners that make return trips. They enjoy staying at nice hotels sometimes and being treated well – food bought at restaurants for them, room service, 500-3000 baht per day from their short time employers. They are having a good time (some of them) and you would be foolish to think that, at a young age, they will give that up for 10,000 per month to be your maid. I no longer think it's reasonable to find a maid/housemate this way. Picture yourself – 18 yrs old in America, England, wherever we come from… someone offers you the same deal in your country… how may of us would turn it down? Here in Thailand, there does not exist the bad stigma… a girl is quite free to do here as she wishes… and some of them like it. Point finished. Moving on.

2. Anytime you walk into an "establishment" that is filled with young Lao or Thai girls (near 18 yrs old) your chances are about 30/70 that you will have a good experience if you pay the 300 baht for the short time room upstairs… The girls are captive there. They were bought from their family from some part of the countryside. They are not having a good time, they are hopeless and under threats of death or harm if they try to leave. There are guards at the doors and they are not going to enjoy the sex – even if they fake doing so. I'm speaking primarily of Udon Thani – those sois near the Robinson center… those are the numbers I came up with – anyone experience something different?
3. Motorsais = certain death at some point. In 5 months of driving one almost daily I have had 3 near misses that would have been major accidents. I have owned a motorcycle in the United States, driving on roads in Honolulu – which is considered dangerous, but, I have had so many close calls here that I am very afraid to drive. I now drive under 50km/hour in most or all in-city drives. If I am on the highway I let it rip, probably to my detriment someday… I have seen 3 fatal accidents – luckily did not see them happen, but arrived within minutes of them occurring. I've seen 1 farang and 2 Thais, one young girl and one male Thai twenty something eat it. Two were here in Ubon and one was in Udon. If you look around you will see plenty of Thais bandaged up and with crutches and other aids to compensate for crushed limbs and what not. The Thais are EXPERT drivers. They have driven these things longer than any farang in most cases and can out maneuver them hands-down. I saw one girl – fly by me at maybe 80km/hr suddenly have two jackasses on motorsais pull right in front of her from between a stopped truck… she locked up the brakes… slid about 40 feet… steering the whole time, split the two – went between them – there was about 5 feet of gap to make it between, then she hit the gas and roared through – maybe dipping to 40 km/hr during the whole process. Fucking unbelievable. I almost clapped, but would have lost total control of my 30 km/hr motorbike since I'm farang. DRIVE SLOWER. LOOK MORE. TURN YOUR HEAD IF IN DOUBT. USE YOUR HORN MORE THAN THE THAIS. WEAR SHOES. USE YOUR HIGH-BEAMS ALWAYS. WEAR YOUR HELMET. GET A HELMET FOR YOUR PASSENGERS AND MAKE THEM WEAR THEM.

4. Ladyboys are MEN. Piss them off and you will see them become a man. They are fearless when angry for some reason. Enough said. <Nah mate, I was out with a Kiwi pal and he belted one (there were two and they weren't small) and they backed off quickly – Stick

5. If you're talking to a Thai man and he orders a drink or a bottle for him or for his friends, and you don't KNOW this man, maybe your best bet is to pay for your drink and move on at that time. Don't wait, because the Thai law says that the longer a farang drinks with a Thai man, the more his responsibility to pay for Thai man's drinks increases. Once the Thai man/men are drunk, that is the point of no return and you will pay for their drinks or be beat by an ant herd of them.

6. Don't put anything at all in the security deposit boxes of a hotel that you are paying less than 1500 or 2000 baht per night at. Even so – I'd never do it.

7. If you are pulled over by the police, even if you speak Thai… do not speak Thai under any circumstances. They will let you go out of frustration or embarrassment, both of which is a winning situation for you… at least in Ubon – where the police force doesn't speak English at all. Patong I had a bit more trouble, as they speak English OK. Pretend that you don't understand their English and answer different questions than what they ask you.

8. If necessary, use the ice, drink the water if you want… whatever… the drugstores here have remedies that get you "right" again in less than 24 hours. I've had some soupy runs for 8 days that I thought would require hospitalization… and just some anti-bacterials had me as good as a goose in 1 day. I've had 4 other bouts of diarrhea which were all cured nearly immediately with Imodium something or the anti-bac's.

9. Mai Pedt.

10. In areas outside of normal farang hangouts… like Ubon Rachathani… the girls are not available for short time/long time. They don't understand. They are not whores all over Thailand, contrary to what my friend in Patong will tell you. They are regular folk. It's like me bringing some guy home to meet my family in Florida… and the guy is from Czechoslovakia… and he asks to fuck my mom for $12 because he thinks we need money. It's bizarre to ask someone that. Thailand is a large country. There are many here that are not $12-25 dollar hos. Respect everyone in the outlying areas, or you yourself look like a jackass and lose too much respect to recover from. That being said, anyone in a gogo bar, karaoke bar, brothel, or pedestrians on Sukumvit, on walking street in Pattaya or in Bangla area of Patong etc, are fair game.

11. Some Thais LIKE Taksin. Be careful who you share information with.

12. If you go to Vientiane, Laos to get your Non-Immigrant B visa and you think you were followed… you were.

13. Always discuss money with a girl on the street that you pick up for short time BEFORE you get to room. After that, it's they're call – and you'd better pay it cuz some of them are psycho.

14. Not all maids in Patong and Pattaya fuck or blow you for an extra few bucks.

15. There are no ghosts in Patong… I swam after dark many times… no problem.

16. If someone is undercharging for something – example… girls that walk around on Patong beach with 25 juices in a box on their shoulder… they give ice, cup, straw, and cha-yin (Thai iced tea) that hits the spot… and they charge 10 baht! give them 15-20! Christ, it's 20 baht for a bottle of water during the day there!

17. Cook your chicken and pork extra when you buy it at the barbq on the street… I've had a couple of undercooked pieces of meat that could have sent me to the hospital – if you believe my mom..

Stickman's thoughts:

Good stuff.