Stickman Readers' Submissions March 15th, 2005

My First Bargirlfriend Part 4

By Ben Dover in the LOS

For those of you who are reading this Part 4 of my series as your first introduction to my experiences, you should really read My first BarGirlFriend Part 1, 2, and 3. I have received a lot of very positive emails from Stick readers who enjoyed
my previous bargirl escapades and they lay an important, and rather humorous, foundation to my experiences.

Like before…As they used to say on Dragnet, “The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Here is their story.”

He Clinic Bangkok

So, here I am contemplating my 3rd trip to the LOS and I find myself wondering the age-old question that all men who are not filthy rich have to ask themselves one day…‘Does she swallow?’. No, I am just kidding, the question
would be, ‘Do, I wait and try to find a hotter chick, or do I settle for this one because she makes me really happy right now?’

Back in Farangland, this is definitely a much easier question to answer because, as we get older, the available pool of hot looking, 18-23 year olds willing to date a guy over 40 shrinks by the day, so the options evaporate faster than a
pool of water in the desert at high noon. So, at some point, men settle for the ‘best that they can find’ or perhaps the ‘best that they can afford (at the time)’ as the good ones seem to keep slipping away and getting
married to other guys. Truth be told, these are not really the good ones, they are merely the remaining good looking ones who are only considered 'the best ones that Farangland has to offer…at that time'.

Back to my story, now. My BarGirlFriend and I have been staying in rather close contact with each over these last few months after I returned to America. We have been speaking on the phone every now and then as well as writing almost daily.
Although her spoken English is not great, and her written English is not much better, I understand the vast majority of what she says and her vocabulary is growing by the day as we talk and write back and forth.

CBD bangkok

My little Porn has been saying all of the right things in our conversations, much to my delight, while never going ‘over the top’. I must constantly question her actions and words, AND her motives, over and over again. But since
my last trip to the LOS, I have found that the lies and deceit have vanished. And there is ONE reason why. I laid down the NEW and IMPROVED ground rules for our relationship, ‘farang style’.

Let me explain…now, most bargirls would not recognize the difference between $30,000/yr or $300,000/yr, because to them, it all means the same thing to them…RICH!!! Now, although I have never told my BarGirlFriend too many specifics about
my lifestyle, I think that she has gained an understanding that I live ‘slightly’ more comfortably than most Americans. Now, as I mentioned in 'My first BarGirlFriend Part 1', I have some friends who both live in Bangkok
as well as here in America and they all have Thai girlfriends or wives. Of course, I have known these Thai girls for far longer than I have know my BarGirlFriend for, so I feel that these girls and I have this sort of unwritten trust and bond
thing going that my BarGirlFriend is not really too keenly aware of. So, of course, one would have to assume, when involved in a situation with Thais, that I would always have a native Thai speaker female who always ‘has my back’
as it were. Naturally, it is nice to know whenever I were to enter into some sort of explanation as the ‘true’ meaning of things that my BarGirlFriend said or did that I would have a Thai language AND cultural translator to assist
me in sorting through though the hidden meanings and double entendres.

But, ‘Oh what a tangled web we weave…’

After I had known my BarGirlFriend for a while, she finally got to meet some of my friends and their Thai girlfriends/wives one evening for several hours. Everyone seemed to have a good time.

wonderland clinic

Before I took my BarGirlFriend to meet my friends and their Thai wives/girlfriends, I had asked the Thai girls to tell my BarGirlFriend a little bit about me and to tell her what kind of a man that I am (as they had hung out with me extensively
in the U.S.). I asked them to do this favor for me because my BarGirlFriend wanted to know more about me and some things were more difficult for me say, like the subtle nuances of the English language, because I do not speak Thai. Of course, the
Thai girls, being the chatterboxes that they can be, talked about many different things for a couple of hours.

Well, a few hours later, when my BarGirlFriend and I got home after this first group meeting, I spoke at length with her about whether she had had a good time meeting my male farang friends and their Thai girls. She said that she did indeed
have a good time talking to the other girls in Thai, which I thought was a good thing as most people are usually much more comfortable within their culture.

Now being the curious person that I am, after we returned to my room, I asked my BarGirlFriend, “What did my friends (the Thai females) say about me?” A seemingly innocent question which later turned out to have a shocking answer…to
this day, I wish that I had not heard the answer.

Much to my surprise they (the Thai girls who were my friends) said the one thing that should NOT have been said (in my opinion) as it is TOTALLY irrelevant to what my character is like. One of the Thai girls actually told my BarGirlFriend,
“Ben is a very good man, you should stay with him because he is VERY rich in America and has a huge new house and very expensive cars and he is very jai dee! You must stay with him so that he can take care of you and your family!”

Excuse my French…but…WHAT the FUCK??? There is a traitor in my midst! This is coming from a woman who I considered to be my friend in America…telling a, bargirl no less, that she should keep ‘her talons’ on me so that
she gets to keep her hands on the combination to the safe.

I could not then, and cannot now, fathom as to why a woman who lives here in America and is married to a friend of mine would tell a bargirl how to act in order to stay ‘with me’ because I am ‘rich’. It was like
I was in a game show called, ‘Let’s conspire to take the farang for all that he is worth…’ because we are poor Thai girls, and he is a rich farang. I asked myself, ‘Jesus, do I at least get a ‘reach-around’
courtesy with that, because you just fucked me in the ass!!!’ Needless to say, I was not pleased.

I could not believe that the wife of one of my friends would actually disclose something as personal as my finances and how I live in America to a TOTAL stranger!!! That is something that probably NEVER or very RARELY happens in Farangland.

I have learned that things are not so simple between Thai-farang friendships versus Thai-farang boyfriend/girlfriend situations. Any farang would naturally assume that a Thai girlfriend or wife of a good friend of yours would most certainly
always be looking out for your best interests, right? WRONG!!! Don’t bet on it. Sometimes the Thai-Thai ‘fellow countryman/countrywoman’ bond is stronger than the Thai-farang girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. <very, very true. I have seen this so many times – Stick>

So, now here I am, forever wondering if my BarGirlFriend is in love with me, or if she instead sees me as the winning PowerBall lottery number. Now that she has come out of the ‘dark side’ and is actually using her powers for
good rather than evil, acting totally honest, sweet, and sincere, I will always be forced to wonder, “Is it me?” that she likes, or is it the “Everywhere that you want to be!” as the VISA card tag line goes in the TV
commercials here in America!!! I have learned that this question is getting rather easy for me to answer.

Well, my BarGirlFriend told me that she was rather shocked and surprised that my farang friend’s Thai girlfriend had told her that, because she repeated again that she does not care about money, only if I really love her. Now, the
good thing is that she has never asked for money (after our initial meeting in My First BarGirlFriend Parts 1, 2, and 3) as I have made it plainly evident what would happen with our relationship were she ever to ask me for a money again.

Also, the mere fact that my BarGirlFriend immediately told me what my Thai friend had told her is probably a good sign as that kind of breaks the conspiracy theory.

I have asked my BarGirlFriend many times why in the world she would have told me what my Thai friend advised her to do as far as the relationship was concerned. I would think that this would be a secret between Thai 'sisters'. She
told me the her loyalty is to me, not my friends, and she does not care what my friends think about her, unless I am embarrassed by what my farang friends say about her previous, short-lived profession. She keeps telling me the she was somewhat
disgusted by what that other Thai girlfriend of my farang friend said to her. Wow, a Thai girl with a moral compass???!!! Perhaps…

Now it is becoming obvious to me that my girl is actually somewhat quiet, shy and reserved even though she was a bargirl before, albeit for a very short time, to the best of my knowledge. And believe it or not, she has been honest to a fault as well.
In fact she frequently tells me mistakes that she has made in life, both past and present, including things that would make any Thai person lose face. But yet, she will STILL even admit those things to me and be genuinely contrite when she makes
a mistake. Granted, I am not referring to lies, but rather mistakes in judgment that always wants to tell me, so that she can constantly keep proving to me the she is a real person. And she has been coming through with flying colors. Far better
than most farang girls that I have dated before.

It seems to be a contradiction that a bargirl could also be shy; but it was just something that she felt that she must do and she also happened to be shy. She has told me many times that her parents have absolutely no idea that she was a
bargirl for a short time and has warned me on numerous occasions to NEVER mention how we met to her parents, if I were to ever meet them. Seems plausible. I asked her if she sent them money and she said yes. So, after reading numerous Stick articles
about families pimping our their daughters, I asked how in the world her parents would not assume that she was a bargirl if she was sending them money and she gave me very intelligent answer…she said that she never sends her parents large quantities
of baht. Sometimes she would send them 1000 baht, sometimes, she would send nothing, sometimes she would send more. But the few times that she sent her parents money, she always varied the amounts and some weeks she sent nothing at all. That way,
she could help them, but then they would also not know what she was doing for a job.

I have confronted her numerous times about many, many things and I happen to be blessed with a very good memory about things that are near and dear to me, my girlfriend’s honesty being one of those things. I have an extremely analytical
mind and I have meandered into numerous conversations with my BarGirlFriend by asking her seemingly innocuous questions that I already knew the answer. Many times, these questions were merely a rehash of previous questions that I had already asked
her, but poised in a different manner so that she was unaware of what actually getting at…which was constantly checking and re-checking her answers to see if they always matched up. It has been many months now that I have been speaking and writing
to her and in every single circumstance, she has come through with shining colors. There have been a couple of slip-ups on her part about various facts, but I would attribute that more to not remember exact time-frames instead of a concerted effort
by her to deceive me.

Every time that I speak with her, I am more and more impressed that she seems to be opening up more and more and has always been very sincere.

But all is not roses in the land of spicy food and even spicier women. You see, our relationship is constantly under intense pressure…but the pressure is not coming from where one might assume (a disingenuous girlfriend). But the problem
is actually my farang friends. You see, they care about me a lot and are always concerned about me and are always worried that I will fall in love with one of these lithe, little vixens. So, they are constantly harassing me to dump my BarGirlFriend
and to get a ‘good’ Thai girlfriend. They keep telling me to get another girlfriend. Unfortunately, I trust my friends as they would never lie to me about something as important as a relationship, but unfortunately, none of them
actually know my BarGirlFriend, other than that one meeting for dinner. So, of course, my friends have nothing else to judge my BarGirlFriend on, other than the fact that she was previously a bargirl. They always just lump any of her words, ideas,
or expressions into some kind of evil conspiracy that all Thai girls are pathological liars who are out to scam you.

As these last months have gone by, I have gotten into numerous arguments with my friends about my having a relationship with a bargirl. They just refuse to accept that she might actually be a decent person who really was a bargirl for only
a very short time. They assume that there is some magical contract that once a girl is a bargirl, they ALL work for many years and bang thousands of clients, and that they are all lazy, drunken, gamblers who sleep all day, cherish the latest cell
phones, and wear more gold around their necks than Mr. T.

Well, much to the chagrin of my friends, my BarGirlFriend, covets none of the aforementioned traits. She likes to work hard, does not like to sleep all day (unless I make her stay in bed all day, which happens rather frequently!). She does
not like to drink, but always tells me that she drank when she was a bargirl because her drunken bargirl friends exerted tremendous ‘beer pressure’ on her to join them in drunken stupors every night that they were up on stage. My
BarGirlFriend has told me that drinking did in fact help her, because she was so shy, it made it possible for her to dance nearly naked in front of a room full of ogling drunken farangs. And my BarGirlFriend has this piece of crap, old cell phone
that she must have had for years.

Well, contrary to popular opinion that ALL girls who ever danced in a bar are exactly the same, quite simply, they are not. Just as all punters from Britain, Australia, New Zealand, and America are not the same, the same holds true of bargirls.
I do not judge them all with a sweeping brush. I analyze each one methodically to determine the sincerity factor. Some of the bargirls whom I have met, who did not seem so sincere, were still a good time in the sack, but I did not end up marrying
them, or even falling in love. I merely took it for what it was, a business transaction involving pleasures of the flesh. Nothing more and nothing less.

And on each trip to the LOS, I have been more and more disgusted and disappointed with what I have been seeing in the bars. But it is not what you think. You see, being the teetotaler that I am, I have been witnessing more and more frequent
displays of disgusting, immature, puerile, and degrading behavior…but not by the bargirls…IT HAS BEEN AT THE HAND OF THE FARANGS!!!

My whole life, I have been very proud to be an American. Now I am not trying raise Ole’ Glory (the Stars and Stripes) to put down any other country, but rather I have always been proud of what my country stands for, how our forefathers
crafted an incredible document called the Constitution that still to this day is totally relevant in all senses of the whole to ensure equality and opportunity for all immigrants who land on our shores. Our country is truly the melting pot of
the world and there are no true Native Americans, other than the American Indians, and the white man killed most of those hundreds of years ago (definitely one of the darker moments in our history). So our cities are made up of a patchwork of
cultures and races in almost every city in America. But before I digress too much, let me state emphatically, that if this crazy behavior is becoming more and more of the norm of how most farangs act in Thailand, then I will have to tip my hats
to all of the bargirls who get what they can from stupid, arrogant, drunken farangs.

On my last trip, I went into several bars on the ‘tourist areas’ and each time, I witnessed behavior that was so stupid and immature, that I had to leave as I was embarrassed to stay in bar with these other idiot Americans.
Now before anyone goes passing judgment on my loyalty to my country, I must add that the behavior that I witnessed from the Aussies and Brits in other bars was actually far worse and far more prevalent. It seems that a lot of those idiot football
fanatics have about the same IQ as your average Al-Queda recruit. Ignorance and arrogance are probably the two worse traits that one person can have. It seems as though these men truly view the bargirls as objects and pure meat with no regard
as to the fact that these girls are still people, with dreams, families, and self-respect. Respect is something that far too many farangs seem to have forgotten once they come to Thailand and that is rather sad.

Now before all of the Stick readers start to think of what a closed-minded American that I am, I should state rather clearly that I have never really been fond of American football and rarely watch it. But, I DID grow up playing soccer (football
to the rest of the world) my entire life and I cherish the game tremendously…but it is NOT a purpose for living…getting laid is. Just kidding.

That being said, my girlfriend has always been, from the first meeting, sweet, loving, romantic, and very giving and absolutely riveting to talk to. She has always watched my money and made sure that I never get ripped off by the locals and
she never feels comfortable when I want to take her shopping and buy her things.

Now, I must say that I am not truly madly, deeply, in love with my BarGirlFriend, but I do consider her to be my girlfriend. I just do not easily fall in love with women, no matter how good that they are between the sheets. And with the hundreds
of hours that we have spoken for on the phone in the last 9 months, I have gotten closer to her than some girls that I dated here in the States and lived with for 2 years!!! So, perhaps because we cannot be physically together, that could explain
why my girlfriend and I must learn about each other’s cultures verbally and she does not have any reason to lie to me.

I have told her numerous times, that perhaps she should find another farang to be her boyfriend so that she will have someone to hold, but she keeps insisting that it WILL be worth it for her to wait for me. Now, as I had mentioned earlier,
I do not send her money every month and I am not her sponsor, so I have suggested to her several times that maybe she should meet another farang whom she can convince to sponsor her, but she vehemently refuses to entertain this idea and gets rather
upset that I would even presume that she might be interested in having sex with another man. She seems to be genuinely in love with me.

I do not know our future, but I do know that I have met a very sweet and loving girl who only lied in the beginning because she assumed that I was like most of the other idiot farangs who also lie to them. But instead she quickly realized
that that was not my goal. But finding a girlfriend in a bar wasn’t my goal either.

So therein lays my dilemma…do I stay with a girl who is extremely beautiful, sexy, sweet, and passionate and who truly treats me like a king and hopes that I fall in love with over time as she has done with me? Or do I try to find a hotter
girl on my next trip to the LOS, who is from the middle class or upper class, instead of staying with my poor girlfriend from the country? But will that new girl be honest like my girl is now? And will that new girl be faithful like I believe
that my girlfriend is? And will that new girl have good intentions like my girlfriend does? And will that new girl always have my back, like my girlfriend does?

And most importantly, will that new, middle-class, hot looking Thai girl be able to suck start a Harley, like my girlfriend can?

Probably not…

Stickman's thoughts:

Tough decision for a guy to settle down in Thailand. With so many opportunities to meet someone, I really think you should wait until you find that on person you feel you really cannot live without…

nana plaza