Readers' Submissions

My Brother The AntiChrist



Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

Until recently, I had only been out of my country once, worn condoms twice, paid for sex once, and it was a complete failure, with my little friend refusing to perform for someone else's financial gain. Even though I told him that since our first encounters with the opposite sex we had always paid, one way or another. But no amount of psychology could get him to listen and it cost me $60 to learn that there needs to be something more than money at stake when I introduce him to girls.

It was also true that up until 20 years ago, at age 30, I lead a completely different life to the one I live now. Now I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, or cheat on my partner. And in the last two decades I have always had a girlfriend with the average time span being 3 years.

My older brother is a little different. He's 56, hasn't been in a relationship for more than 20 years, until now, and has been around the world several times with the sole intention, I do believe, of screwing as many girls as possible. And at the end of each trip he would always stop in Thailand. From time to time we would see each other and he would tell me about rock climbing on Ko Samui…and the women…the beautiful beaches…and the women…and more beautiful women, and so on. I guess I kind of felt a bit ashamed of him. He would shamelessly talk about his many conquests to me in front of my girlfriends and it was always very awkward. He has now retired there, built a house, has a Thai wife, child, the whole show with a full cast.

It’s funny too because a few members of our family have been born again and one is studying to become a priest. I think they consider the older brother to be the Antichrist. For a couple of years recently I had been single for the first time in a long while, and at a Xmas gathering, the Antichrist with his sinful lifestyle got my attention and started his usual story about Thailand. But for the first time I actually listened to him from a single man's point of view and I started to like what I heard. And considering that I had been virtually resurrected from the damned some 20 years previous, the more blessed members of our little flock were nearly breaking their necks trying to get an earful of what was being said.

So Xmas over I go back home, 800k's away, to start a relationship with an absolutely beautiful half Chinese half Dutch, 3rd generation Aussie girl, 16 years younger than me. I was in love, it was incredible. In 10 months it was over and she was seeing someone else within a week…and I was f…ed !!!!

Really mind numbingly rooted…for weeks. Then during a phone call to a sister I discovered that the Antichrist had offered her a return airfare to LOS to go and witness his new life there and give it her blessing. It was put to me that perhaps I was more in need of such a trip.

And so it came to pass that the naive young brother went off to visit the Antichrist in the Land of Sin with a pocket full of condoms and the will to use them all, without guilt or shame, but with a smile and a few warnings from the one who had been before. I'll show that ex girlfriend of mine a thing or two about moving on.

And what a great trip…what a great place…I loved everything about it. Even the smell of sewerage mixing with Thai food and the smell of the cheap perfumed soap some of the girls use. Mangy dogs and the torn up beach front at Pattaya (that’s where I stayed). Beautiful ladies suddenly looking like beautiful boys before my very eyes (just as well I don't dink or I may have realised later than sooner, and who knows what new experience I may have had…I love the way Thai girls say dink for drink, it’s so cute…" you want dink. Why you no dink ?"…One of my most vivid images is of beautiful Thai girls in short skirts sitting side saddle on the back of motorbikes with their stilettos dangling of their feet while talking on mobile phones and whizzing through traffic…Dangerous but stunning. One girl I saw was actually eating from a take away container as if she were at home watching TV.

But god I have to admit I was so nervous when it came to my first encounter with the beautiful Thai soapy massage princess. My brother with me, training me, in my ear the whole time, telling me " just pick one, exchange names, ask if she does this or that and if you like…off you go." But don't try and tell her your life story or find out what kind of music she listens to and what she does on the weekends…cos she ain't interested. So she comes to the table we exchange greetings and what’s the next thing I do…ask her how long she’s been working at the soapy massage parlour. My Brother kicked me under the table…the girl didn't understand anyway… and feeling like a teenager on his first night with a real woman went off for an experience I wont forget to soon.

I have to admit at times in the first few days I felt down and wondered what I was doing, and wanted to go home, culture shock I imagine, but that soon passed with a soapy massage and some trips to soi 6. Weeks went by and I was having the time of my life. God I love that place and those girls. But at the same time I have to give a lot of thanks to this website and my brother for the education on Thailand and its people. But sometimes it doesn't matter how well informed you are when it comes to my heart and my little helmeted friend, rationality and common sense seem to be left at home in my other pants.
I had seen one girl in one of the bars in soi 6, 3 times as I was pleased with her skills. And I noticed that I was becoming drawn to her and I wasn't sure if that’s what I wanted, so I backed off. Having girls half my age was a great boost in a lot of ways, but in my last week I decided I wanted two things. First to take a girl for a few days, taking the risk of getting attached in that time, and second a woman and not a girl, someone at least within two decades of my own age. Not easy to find on the streets and bars of Pattaya.

So after a long evening of streetwalking I ended up cruising the freelancers of beach rd. It was late and I was tired and I had walked for miles, and I was at the northern end of beach rd with nothing in sight when I heard the mating call of the thaitrannysorearse sex…"hello hansum man…where you go. I come with you"…well actually not tonight my dear, but she did alert me to two figures in the darkness beckoning me towards them. I didn't feel like being ambushed but the little guy in the helmet said go on we'll be OK just take a look. So I did and sure enough it was two women in their thirties, I guessed, although it’s hard enough to tell a Thai girl's age in broad daylight let alone in the darkness.

I was tired, suspicious and horny, but within 10 mins I was alive, comfortable and laughing…a lot. This was great these two were like Laurel and Hardy. When I asked the one on my right how old she was she said 40, but later amended that to 37. I really don't know how old she is but either one of those was fine. And slim and attractive. The other a little shorter and wider but lovely. I found it hard to separate them, but I had to make a choice (or did I) and so I took the slim one and off to my hotel…shower and to bed for boom boom. But the interesting thing was that usually it’s pretty much straight into the events, but we lay in bed and I noticed after some conversation that we had been talking for an hour. An hour…what was going on…what were we talking about ? I honestly don't remember. but what I do know is that there was more laughing and I felt so comfortable with this woman, who by the way showed no signs of having two kids and being over 35.Little helmet head took a poor second to human relations of a different kind. I did eventually introduce him to her and everyone was pretty happy.

We spent pretty much every minute of my last 4 days together and she came up with some classic one liners, one of which I laughed at hysterically for about 10 mins in a public place. People were staring at me and I guess they were wondering how this could be. But she was such a character. And her attitude…first night after many hours I asked if she was tired and she said…no but can sleep. In the morning I asked if she was hungry and she said…no but can eat. I asked her to help me with something later to which she basically said…no problem can do anything. I just felt so… I dunno… lucky, so happy.

And she never asked for anything, so unlike my previous girlfriend of the same name but at least ten years younger who I had to cut loose after 3 days because she had a gold fixation. I find it so much easier to give when I can give freely and not because of a continuous request. So I made the appropriate donations towards her welfare, took her shopping, and her needs were simple. No gold. Just the simple necessities of life…easy. But what was not easy was leaving. I used to ask my brother why so many farangs would end up at the bottom of their hotel on the pavement or with plastic bags round their heads. And he said quite simply that if they haven't been pushed they jumped cause they don't want to leave. At first I couldn't understand this, but at the bus station looking at her and thinking about the last month, I could partway understand. But I knew I had to come back, and soon. I was hooked, just like my brother. And now I understand him a lot better. And I came back home and found Stickman and now I understand a lot of things a whole lot better.

So three weeks back. First hour out of Brisbane airport and I’m subject to road rage, (of which I saw none in LOS, and given the conditions there, we have a lot to learn about tolerance.) Two days later my thongs were stolen while I had a shower at the beach and I had the post holiday blues in a bad way. I hated being home. I wanted to get on the next plane back. But that has since passed…life has returned to normal with the exception of thinking constantly about Thailand and my friend and obsessively reading Stickman, and trying to learn Thai on the internet.

I thought about calling her regularly but wondered what I would say and would we understand each other. When I finally did after two weeks I couldn't get through because I screwed up the numbers. Half relieved but half saddened I let it go…and then last Sunday at 5 am my mobile rings. I fumble around in the dark and answer it… and there she is, holler in my ear all the way from Thailand, and we spoke for an hour and I still don't know what about but I was so happy you couldn't get the smile off my face for days.

And so I’ll go back in 3 or 4 months, for longer this time. But now there are many things to consider. Things Stickman’s website and other testimonials have brought to light. Issues of commitment and involvement both financial and emotional, cultural differences, compatibility, her availability, and the possibility that there are still certain experiences to be had in the LOS that I may never get to have anywhere else. And can I still have those experiences while having a girlfriend. Basically a complete assessment of my western morals and beliefs. A complete overhaul of my stand on many issues…what can stay and what can go. What a great thing…and I didn't believe them when they said that life begins at 50…or was that 40?

Stickman's thoughts:

Your brother may have a lot to answer for.