Readers' Submissions

Money And Living With The Unwashed Multitudes

  • Written by Calibra
  • March 15th, 2005
  • 8 min read

Money & Living With The Unwashed Multitudes


Before you read this, please be assured this article is written with the same style and panache as the last one. You will not be disappointed. However, I have refrained from targeting individual people. I thought it would be far more efficient just to include you all. Yes, of course I generalize because what I see and have experienced in my opinion happens to be the norm i.e ‘general’. What would be the point of writing about something or someone unique? Anyway, lets crack on.

OK, here we go. Are you ready?

Yes guys, the truth hurts doesn’t it? I actually feel quite sorry for all the lost souls who replied to me regarding my ‘Stunning Girls & Worthless Guys’ submission. If there was a charity for these people I might even donate a few baht but in the end I may as well pay some alcoholic farmer in Isaan because that’s where the money would inevitably end up. Either that or the Singa brewery.

OK I admit it, you guys have twisted my arm. I am considerably well off, probably more so than the 95% of people who submit to this site. Hold on though, that’s not really saying a hell of a lot is it? That statement is like me saying I am better looking than 95% of the people who submit to this site and we all know a burns unit monkey could easily say that too, and probably be right.

I work in the financial sector, oil commodities being my area of expertise. When I was in Bangkok I had to carry out a feasibility study into the economic viability of drilling for oil offshore in Thailand. There is oil there and there are companies currently drilling, however the big guns have not moved in…..yet.

You see I am not so short sighted not to know that there is 5% of gentry like myself who do read this site and to you guys, well done and I wish you continued prosperity.

Before I go any further, this is not another justified rant at all in sundry. Please take a moment to read what I have to say regarding how much easier it is to live in Bangkok if you do have money compared to the more scummier types (the ex-pats I described in my last submission) who do not.

For instance, in the ashtray of my ex car (Toyota Altis 1.8E, the one with the leather interior) I had a permanent wad of 100 baht bills. Whenever I was stopped, which was frequently, all I did was slip the nice law enforcement officer 100 baht. Problem solved, everyone happy. Now, I know 100 baht may seem like a bit of money to some (most) of you but it really is not, and it is well worth it in my book.

I have to say that driving in Bangkok is a bit of a chore to say the least so most of the time I used to get my ex model wife to drive for me. I would say the one benefit for the under privileged living here in Bangkok is you will never have to worry about buying a car. Not that I worried of course, I simply went out to the nearest dealer and bought the bugger, as quick as you like.

The same went for shopping. Whenever I ventured into Patpong to wander amongst the scum bums I didn’t bother to barter with the sellers, goodness no. All I did was pay them what they wanted, end of story. That way they were happy and I was happy. No need to stand there like a total twat bartering over a bob or two, just pay the miniscule amount for God's sake!!!

For the best shopping head for the Emporium and Gaysorn. Here you will find quality merchandise (and good clothes too, ha ha ha) and the prices are quite reasonable. This is where I used to do most of my shopping. I prefer Italian style clothes as the cut and lay of the cloth is usually more suited to my lean hard athletic frame. I’m sorry to say but I guess that rules out most of you guys now doesn’t it?

Looking back on my somewhat harsh comments regarding how the majority of farang men dress in Bangkok i.e the sandal and short brigade I have actually changed my opinion on this. Imagine how ridiculous it would look to see you guys smartly dressed??? No, I think it is better off to have you looking the way you do, keeps you from having ideas above your station so to speak.


And as for females….ok ok I was a bit of a cad in my day back before I got married to my ex model and I admit I did go with some of the more premium pieces of meat. Sometimes I used to frequent the establishments up and down Ratchada Road. My favourite place was this one called Caesars I think it was. Some lovely samples in there, I can tell you. These places tend to operate a policy whereby the merchandise has not been spoilt. Not had children, in layman terms. This makes for obviously more smoother skin and tighter entry. An altogether more uplifting gentlemanly experience.

I remember one time I came across this one establishment on Ratchada Road where all the women seemed to be so much taller and athletic looking than anywhere else. I can’t for the life of me remember the name of the place but these women really were nice looking. There was no 1 in 50 ratio here, that’s for sure. The strange thing was I never got the chance to make love to any of these women, deep passionate kissing was as far as I ever got. Still, I have some fond memories of that place. Its such a pity the majority of you people reading this don’t have the faintest idea what I’m talking about as regards nice looking tall Thai women. Who would’ve thought it, tall Thai women???

As I mentioned in my last submission I did frequent the likes of Nana and Soi Cowboy and did on several occasion end up quite pissed. I find though with the likes of these places they will be awash with rat bags so it was always prudent to pay the barman / bargirl some ‘extra’ money to keep them at bay should some drunkard start gibbering into my ear about how great he was doing (yeah, right) but luckily this never once happened.

On these nights out I never ventured to any of these “lady boy” establishments one hears about. Touch wood I have never come into contact with those poor creatures and have no intention to either. I have read stories about guys getting ’confused’ regarding these people but come on, who are you trying to kid. My guess is you know their genders alright. I mean, it must be bloody obvious when a bloke dresses up as a women for christsakes!!!

This for me was my idea of a risky night out, pushing the envelope if you like. Mixing with the unwashed multitudes has its appeal in a masochistic sort of way. I used to find it all quite thrilling.

It’s the same when reading the readers submission part of this website. It’s a bit like ‘rubber necking’ when being driven past the site of an accident. You can’t help but look. I particularly like the broken hearts type of submissions. Always good for a laugh. I like to read these stories from the comfort of my office, especially after having a good days trading on the boards, or just after the weeks trading meeting, held by me, usually on a Friday. Them and I. Different worlds mate, different worlds. There hasn’t been too many of these submissions recently so come on guys, spill your guts please. We’re here to help.

As for having the odd after work tipple, my favourite haunt was Henry J Beans in the basement of the Amari Hotel. Great place, and such friendly bar staff, especially if you tip them well. Now, this place is not too upmarket so some of you people may actually afford to have a drink in there someday. They actually do very decent food too.

Regarding food, I used to dine all over Bangkok and this is the one area it hurts me to say it but I think we are all in unison here. Thailand has some of the worlds best dishes, and this is coming from one who has a very distinguished palate so I know what I’m talking about here. I have to agree with one gentleman’s email, some of the world’s very best seafood can be found at various restaurants throughout Bangkok and beyond
Also for a great meal and a decent class of company you should try the Marriot Hotel where they serve excellent food, and plenty of it too. They also have a great wine list……you know, wine, sometimes known as the gentleman’s beer……ok, never mind, stick to beer.

So you see, a man of class like my good self did occasionally have a decent time of it in Bangkok, despite having to sometimes communicate with commoners. In my defense I cannot help my breeding so I was a tad shocked when I received so many ‘unpleasent’ emails. I know a lot of these guys need care and attention, pitied to be exact.

But please believe me when I say this, I would definitely place a few satang into the communal begging bowl that all these poor lost souls share so I’m not all that nasty now am I?

Right, must go now as I have a couple of ‘real’ problems. My wallet is too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight.

Stickman's thoughts:

You're an English teacher at a guess…