Readers' Submissions

Is This Right?


I have known about your website for a year because my husband had shown me about it I and really love your website. Yes, it is very good that there a way that you can learn and also share your experiences, but I had never thought that I would have a chance to write to you as my life was just very simple. Of cause right now I am writing this letter to you because I have no longer had a simple life as I am having a big problem.

I have been married last June with a Kiwi guy his age is 45 and I am now 30, I had never had relationship with any guy before married. We met through internet and our relationship had started by being friends. On the 1st of June 2003 he came to Thailand for his holiday, I took him around Bangkok, yes I like him as just friend that time because he was not a kind of the guy that I had been looking for as he was quite old and he has 2 daughters already.

When his holidays were over he came back to New Zealand and wrote the letters to me every day and he told me that fall in love with me, well that time I really surprised why a person that just met could fall in love so easily, I replied in very polite way that I like him very much but it was just a feeling that a friend could give. He seemed to accepted that but he was still writing to me every day. On the 11 of August 2003 he came back again to see me as it was my birthday, yes that impressive me a lot. After that we were getting close and he came to see me again in October in the same year and he also came in December. He wrote a story about me to you once the subject was "The good girl on internet" I am not sure if you ever remember that. <Sure do, and am sure many readers do tooStick>

That proved a lot to me that how true love he had for me that me I decide to allow him in to my life and then he decided to sell his business in his country just to stay and live with me permanently. The first time to be together seemed everything was just wonderful.

He told me that he loved me so much and he would never hurt me, yes it seemed right that he proved to me and I thought this was the guy that I had been looking for, so when he asked me to marry him I took that chance with hesitation and also he offered to pay for the dowry (sin sod) 500,000 baht "oh! boy how lucky I was as a woman who was going to be 30 having a good chance like that.

Before getting married we had used the sin sod for building my mum a new house as the old one was very small and not good enough for us to stay, during that time I was pregnant that made me and him very happy. We have been living in my mum house until now. Every thing seemed ok we both was so happy. He had been a very good husband to me taking care of me, he never let me washing the cloths at all that made me absolutely loved him.

After I gave birth, he had been changing a lot he seemed not even love our baby and I had noted that his love for me had gone. One day I asked him why he changed he said he had not. He seemed not like to have dinner at home the dinner I cooked and he used to like it that time he said he bored with it and he wanted to go out. I asked him why he gave he the reason, he told me that western life was like that people like to go at least twice a week. How I refuse him even I did not want to as did love him I wanted to make him happy. After he went for a nights I thought that not right as he told me that he just need twice a week but that week he went to that cafe every night. I had no passion any more after the forth night he was up quite late it was about midnight I had been so worry that bad things would have happened to him or accident for sure. Then I decided to go to find him at the café where it is about 12 kim far from my house. I went there and what I saw just really chocked me that time, yes my husband sitting at a tabled surrounded by a strangers for me and there was a girl that he hugging in his arms and some time kissing I stood there just about ten minutes as I did not know what I should do then all the person gone just him at his table then I went to ask him to go home with my tear in eyes.

We got home, yes we had big argument, and told me that he just wanted to have fun and being there just really happy, but I asked him that was the right thing to do he said No. Then I asked him not to go and do that to me again because I could not accept that, and he agreed that. Just the day before last Valentine he asked he again to go to the cafe after we had that big argument but this time I said but he did go. I really hurted with what he has done to me so after he went back I asked him to leave me but he refused and still said he loved me. In the morning he did ask me that he going to buy some movies at Chumpare, I asked if I could go with him he said no, I got so absent, I thought that he had no longer love me been to bed crying with my 1 month old daughter. In the evening there a neighbour came to tell me that she saw my husband walking on a street hand in hand at Chumpare. I got so absent I went to asked him but he said no then I asked for his phone as I would like to check about the last number call but he did not allow me to then we had a big fight I kicked him bit him and did many bad things to him and in that time I just wanted to die. I finally got the phone then there was a number that I never seen before but it was put in his daughter's name. As I was going to ring that number he grabbed the phone from me and took the SIM card out and was going to destroy it then I said if he was gonna do that that moaned everything had to be end he has no choice he gave me the phone but still kept asking what I was going to talk to her what the point. I said I would like to know about his relationship between her and him so he told me not to call as no point so he was gonna confess everything, he told me that he went with her and he bought he a mobile phone that really hurt me, and then I found it out more and more. On Valentine day he bought her necklace gold, while he bought me a soup of needle, 20 baht and every time when he met her he gave some money 1000 up every time but for me since I had been married to him I did asked for the money every month I just need 5000 baht, yes he did gave me just 2 month but then he did not give me ever since.

After I found every thing out I wanted to leave him as I thought that was so bad what had he done to me I did not deserve it. Then he made a promise to me that he would never ever again hurting me. I thought about little Kiwi who was really innocent she did not deserve to lost her father then I gave him once more chance. My mother went to see a magic guy asked if he was in black magic or not, yes the magic guy said yes so this time I blamed about black magic. I asked him to do ceremony to take away black magic from him, he accepted that. And I almost forgot about it and I thought I forgave him and I was gonna trust him again.

Today it is 12 of march 2005, this day will be the day that I will never forger, it has been just a month since that just happened it is still really fresh to me. After I gave him the last chance everything seemed normal until one day he told me that he got to do some exercises and he wanted to buy a bicycle. After he got his bicycle he went through the village up to the mountain and that was ok with me as I would like to see him happy and lost his weight. One day last Monday I noted that he want to change the direction by taking his bicycle on his car far away from the village. Last Wednesday he came back home from his cycling but he had not look that dirty or wet at all so in the late of that evening a friend came to tell me that she saw my husband went back from where that woman lives, so I asked him where had he been then suddenly he got violent to me he why could not him go anyway without checking out. He kept asking for the trustful that I should give him so that we was going to have a very perfect married life. I was going to do that but today I asked me again to go supermarket then I asked I could go he said he need some time by himself as all western do, I should not be stuck on him 24 hours, that made really sad we had big argument again then he gave up as I could not trust him. I did not know that this my good luck or bad as my brother felt really sick, my husband need to take him to the hospital, we took my brother to the hospital and the hospital is just near by the woman from the cafe is . I had an idea and I wanted to prove some thing, I decided to hire a pick up to follow them. I arrived at the hospital and saw his car there but I did hide myself so that he could not know I as there just few minutes his car moved out from the hospital but my brother not in the car so I decided to follow him. Again what had I seen just had killed my heart I saw him got out from his car and there a young lady went out to see him he gave her a hug and kissed. They were just talking a bout 30 minutes they looked very happy he shown her his old house picture at his country. I could not stand seeing that any more so I decided to call him and asked where he was he answered that was at hospital and I asked him again he still repeated that he was at hospital I did asked the third time he still told the lie so I told him that where I were now he jumped up and looked around then he left her. I follow him up. We again fighting, this really bad I did hit at his face about 10 time I even used my slipper, I know that it is really bad what I done to him but what he done to me I do not think I deserve it. There so many questions ran out from my head, I did not understood but one thing I know now I can't be with this guy anymore. I asked why he did to me why did he hurt me over and over, he told me he just need a friendship with her he did want more he just need someone to talk to but I asked if really faithful to me why he had to hide he said it was because Thai culture different from western for western you could have a friendship like that, then I asked him why he bought the gold and a mobile phone for a friend on Valentine day when you gave nothing to your wife.

I can't believe this would happen to me I have lost my husband to a prostitute, yes she must be more young as she just 23 and more charming and beautiful. I want to end our married but I still worried about him as I am afraid of that prostitute would take all money from him and then leave him under a bridge somewhere in Thailand that would be sad and that would be my fault too.

I really regret that I have chosen the wrong guy and even more regret now as I have not had the married certificate I would not got anything from him I know and he told me that he would not give me anything I just wonder that this is right for him to do to me?

Thank you very much for reading my story, it would be nice if you put my story to share on your website.

Stickman's thoughts:

Assuming everything is as you have told it, then this guy is very clearly in the wrong. Of course, there are two sides to every story and I will actively try and elicit the other side from the guy.