Readers' Submissions

Bagwain’s Return To LOS Cont.

  • Written by Bagwain
  • March 8th, 2005
  • 8 min read

Thanks Stickman for the “and’. I will tell a few more stories of my 2 months in LOS. But before I continue, I would like to express my disgust with a couple of previous postings! “Educated Thai Women” and “Stunning Girls and Worthless Guys”. You both are wankers. (Sorry Stickman.) Opinions are like assholes and everybody has one. Who the hell do you think you are judging people of lesser education and opportunities than yourselves? Education doesn’t make you a better person. It may only give you more opportunities. “Judge not, lest ye be judged” comes to mind. Educated Thai Women has obviously been educated in the west, by the tone of her opinion. Same as the western bitches that most Farang men are getting away from. As far as the “Calibra” author of “Stunning Girls and Worthless Guys” how shallow are you? I bet most Thai women would see your heart for what it is! Wake up man and look within. I wonder if your Thai / Chinese wife knew that you visited Nana Plaza? In Australia we have a name for mix breeds, however I won’t go there so as not to lower myself to your level. If fat old bastards want to have some fun and the TBGs want to earn some good loot, good luck to them!!

A funny thing that in Australia most people that have not been to LOS have quite interesting opinions of the place. Mostly negative and quite moralistic. So it was with interest that I encountered a similar attitude amongst the expats in Phuket who hadn’t been to Pattaya. Mostly ignorant stuff based on sensationalistic newspaper articles. This made me quite heated at times so I decided to deal with it the same way I dealt with it back at home. I simply said: If you haven’t been there keep your opinions to yourself. Works wonderfully. I must have made an impression as a couple of them have threatened to visit me when I am set up and living in Pattaya. I like both Pattaya and Phuket for different reasons and I don’t compare. However I do prefer the air in Phuket.

Before the big swell, I managed to spend a fair bit of time on Surin Beach, mostly in the afternoons as I had business meetings to deal with. (Surin Beach is absolutely fantastic in the arvos. In Aus it mostly blows a gale after lunch). It was the start of December and high season was kicking in. Great beach, it would be about 1.5 km long at the most so you could enter one end and have a white pointer patrol (tit patrol in Australia) and at the other end pop into Diver’s bar. Sometimes I was so close to telling some of those buffalo types that I was the tit police and if they didn’t put their tops back on I would have to fine them. However, amongst the golf balls in socks there was an occasional great set. In Australia we would say a week's worth of wanking material. There were lots of different nationalities all over the place. We often had up to 15 or more in our drinking circle. A lot of fun and jest was had by all. I particularly remember a large UK chap, ex rugby prop, (who shall remain nameless) 19 stone and about 5”8. He was a cracker. He must have been able to do every English accent and I am sure he knew every joke I had ever heard. Many time we all broke into Peter Cooke and Dudley Moore’s stuff. One of his specials was whenever we had some of those ever so happy “square heads” around. He would shamelessly say – I may be fucking fat, I may be fucking ugly, but at least I am not fucking German. It broke us all into laughter every time. It was sad to see him leave as he never stopped. Most of the guys I met except the expats left before the big swell. Surin beach was the least effected, of the most popular beaches by the tsunami and I believe that it is the only one left with the wooden beach chairs. I look forward to being down that way at least once a month, all going well with the new venture.

It was down that way when I had my first experience with 2 women in one night. Not 2 at one time, one after another. At 47 and never married, I have had more women than hairs on my head. I still have a full head of hair, thinning a little though. However two women at one time or more than one woman a night has escaped me. This night I had one that I had been flirting with for a few months (I had met her on a previous trip before) turn up at my room wanting a work out, she is 33. I also had one coming around that I serviced the night before, who had been introduced to me by the one I had been flirting with, she was 40 with a boob job and they were like fucking cricket balls. I will call the 1st one Y and the 2nd one J. Y was fantastic, I went bareback as she did nothing but brag about not having one for 8 years and only wanted a friend. As we got into the warm up I got a phone call from J saying that she was coming around. What was I to do? So I explained I was getting a massage and that I would not be available till about 10 o’clock. This worked as I got the job done. Y knew that I had screwed J but J didn’t know I was screwing Y. Y knew everybody in the motel were I was staying and didn’t want to be seen leaving. So she snuck out and I went downstairs to the restaurant where J was waiting. They where closing and trying to kick her out when I ordered a GT, so they stayed open for another ½ hour. I was not up to giving J one as I had had a hard day at work, an afternoon on the piss and a good work out with Y. So what do I do? I said to J: I am stuffed as the massage took it out of me and I had a long day, so could we just cuddle for the night and I would make it up in the morn. Fuck, she took the bait and I had a great night. This place can be heaven for a bloke if you don’t do ya balls and keep a straight eye on things.

Back to my Tilac in Pattaya- In all but my first relationship, I have been faithful, until I reached Thailand. I really don’t know why the change, but I do know I have no guilt factor at all here. I am sure it is all to do with a lot of work and personal development reading I have done recently. (I recommend the “Conversations with God” books) My Tilac has been on to me to buy the baht gold for the last 3 months and I have done a good job putting it off. I finally weakened a few nights before I was to leave LOS. I only bought a 1 baht bracelet. Now before you readers start saying, miserable prick, I had a plan. I told her that I buy her 1 baht first, then if she good girl for 3 months I buy her 2 baht and then if she good girl for a further 6 months I buy her 3 baht. This worked. I was also advised by the principle of an education school that I placed her in, not to put it all into one piece of jewellery, to spread it around so that it is harder to steal of the body. I had spoken to a few people that have had necklaces stolen of their neck by passing motorbike thieves, so this makes sense.

In my previous submission I mentioned a mate that had been with me on this trip. He came for only 10 days, but did he have a ball. Being the classic, 46 divorced, 5 kids, 4 of them girls, ripped off by the wife scenario, he cut loose. The last 3 days he spent in Pattaya. He was a bit reluctant to go to Pattaya from the bullshit the expats were feeding him in Phuket. However I assured him he would love it. Well when he arrived he was like a kid in a candy store, where do ya start? My Tilac and I took him to a gogo bar were I spotted a stunner and I said to him: if I was alone I would grab her now, she is beautiful. So I sent my Tilac up to ask the price etcetera. We left with the TBG in tow. On the way back we stopped for a few beers and a dance at the Bamboo bar and as we left my Tilac says to me, TBG never had old man before. Well I couldn’t resist, what are mates for? Within a nanosecond I told my mate what was said. His reply, I will give her fuckin old man!! The next day he was beaming, I made her squeal all night; she won’t complain about old man again he said.

Now as much as I have had a good time in LOS, I realise that it would be easy to fall into a hedonistic lifestyle. So I intend not losing my head and being somewhat under control. This was reflected in the last month in LOS, when I had many opportunities presented to me and I had little if no interest. My long time mate in Jomtien reckons that I had been there too long already. It is nice to know that it is so freely available and on tap with out the crap that comes with the western women. Great stuff. 2. Be.Cont.

Stickman's thoughts:

Yes, it is sometimes not what you do, but knowing that it is there, if you want it, that is so reassuring.