Readers' Submissions

Stealing The Bone

  • Written by The Boner
  • February 4th, 2005
  • 7 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

By Boner


A girl is standing alone while her boyfriend goes to the restroom at a popular nightclub in the States. A guy 15 years older walks up and hits on her. This club is for the 18 to 30 something crowd, with some people in their 40’s attending.

A girl is dancing “distantly” with her boyfriend at the same club months later. An older guy hits on her and asks “are you with your brother”. She explains I am her boyfriend. The guy says he doesn’t believe her but she brushes him off. The guy continues to eye her and to circle about as we move throughout the club, finally giving up / getting the hint / leaving after 2.5 hours. Did he know she was telling the truth about having a boyfriend? Was he just a thug, who keeps trying if the guy with a woman doesn’t get jealous and emotional? Who knows! It was too loud in the club and I had no idea what was said. Watching the whole thing unfold was amusing enough, especially given the moron was 10 years older than me and actually thought his bald head had a chance. Nothing indicated the need to get involved, though in this case I don’t think I would have come off as possessive or jealous if I had stepped in, given how irritating and clueless this Don Quixote was – he had neither the looks, money, or status to have a chance and didn’t seem to understand the nice brush offs (rejections) he was being given .

The same girl is in the club district, waiting in line with her boyfriend and his friend to get into another popular club. A young guy walks up and hits on her. This guy is nice about it. She politely declines his “how are you” routine. I stand back.

In multiple clubs on multiple nights at multiple places this continues to happen – America, the Caribbean, Asia, even Thailand (but only when I am out of eyesight, as farang punters there have a better clue it seems) etc. Most of the time, it is men being generally polite as they try to meet an attractive woman. It is never clear if they simply miss that there is boyfriend about or they simply don’t care. It is likely a combination of the two possibilities, as we are dealing with a combination of educated but less experienced younger men and older “thug” types. I have never stepped in to shake the guy's hand (a polite way to clue him in), except once in the States. I step in almost every time overseas – the number of thug types increases in less educated countries and neither of us completely understand the language / cultures abroad so it was always better for me to step in early and prevent possible conflict later due to foreign “machismo”.

The girl is Thai and quite attractive.

Is this really a thing with farangs assuming Asians (many of these men couldn’t tell a Japanese school girl from a Thai bargirl) to be easy or hookers? Perhaps, but not likely, in my opinion. Are these men just attracted to the Asian type of woman? I don’t think so. She is rare in the States but not in many places we’ve been. Furthermore, I had similar but not as frequent experiences with my previous FARANG girlfriend. I think it happened less with the white girl simply because she was not as attractive. The fact is this – if you have an attractive girlfriend, it is going to happen! The more it happens the luckier you are to have an attractive girlfriend. And if she is with you because of you (looks included) then you should feel very little threat from those guys who couldn’t get her. Does the king worry about what the peasants say? No. So the good-looking guy should worry about the fat, old, or bald. And better yet, if you stay with the girl, then as you get old, bald, or fat, she will also be getting old and less attractive.

The bottom line – guys are dogs, all of us. Dogs try if they see a nice bone. If the other dog is not heavily bothered, some will try to “steal” the bone. From all I’ve seen, the farang men are equally but usually more likely to attempt to steal a bone, but also more likely to “lose it” (get jealous, violent, threatening) if they see any guy hitting on their women. Asians are, from what I’ve seen, more likely to avoid conflict until they are forced into it. One can argue that farangs fight more over women because they are treating them as pieces of meat. Others argue the exact opposite, that a man who is less ready to throw a punch for a woman doesn’t see her as anything but meat. You know what it says about you – as they say in Thailand, up to you! In my personal view, men who easily get into fights with women are much like the grade of Thai mangda (men) who have bargirl girlfriends. They are thugs and they fight more for their own ego than for the woman.

For me, the following two rules have always held true. First, if you are sure and confident of where you stand with a girl, you shouldn’t be concerned about wild dogs (men looking for women) hunting for stray cats (unattached women). Your girlfriend won’t respond unless something is already wrong between the two of you. The only exception is the “super male” with mega bucks, personality, and looks, and those are rarely going to waste their time amongst places the middle and upper class hang out. (And even then, if your woman leaves you, there must have been something wrong with you and her already, and you are better off without such a woman who chooses based on money.)

And with alpha males, it’s not like you have to even step in and politely introduce yourself. These more educated men understand she is taken and you are around, except in an extremely rare case. Educated men don’t usually waste time fighting over women. They know there are always easier targets and move on. I have never seen one pursue someone they have only seen at a bar or club or mall somewhere. And thugs rarely win against educated men with appearance and money in the developed world, when it comes to the type of women the educated men are with – I am not referring to bargirls here. The only exception, I suspect, is if the “boyfriend’ is much older and the relationship is not necessarily genuine – then there was / is already something wrong.

Second, I always think if your girlfriend would by default consider other suitors, you are likely better off letting her meet someone else. Unless you were doing something wrong by her, you were with the wrong woman to start with.

Finally, a jealous guy is going to look desperate to his woman, and she will either see him as less attractive or use it against him. As I am neither desperate nor stupid, I don’t really go with the ‘fighting for your woman approach’. Women say they like to see this, but usually only as a token gesture (they rarely want to see anyone get hurt) and only if they see the guy hitting on them as a jerk or a threat. It is not unusual for a woman to leave a man that is too jealous or too prone to start fights over his jealousy. So I think and only act if the other guy is a jerk (to me) or a threat to her, and not because he is making a pass. To get physical or jealous because of another dog trying to steal a bone is to become a thug. And thugs rarely win except with a pretty low grade of woman.

Stickman's thoughts:

Yep, a woman who shows undue interest in another man is best let go.