Readers' Submissions

Romantic Conversations

  • Written by Big Body
  • February 10th, 2005
  • 5 min read


Snakes, lizards & other romantic conversations

Tale #1

Probably all of you, who used to meet Thai girlfriends, are familiar with a kind of unaccented simple English most of them apply. According to my English language skills I am not the one to judge the others. However you probably agree, TGs are in this case something special. I’m not sure about your opinion, but usually I’m pretty delighted of them. Sometimes they are simply beguiling. And of course after a while you adopt that utterance too, because your honey is not able to understand your Oxford English at all.

A time ago I took part in a boat trip to the islands of Andaman Sea both with my TGF. Some canoeing was included too. We were paddling around one of the small islands and after some time we found a beautiful lagoon. Nice place to have a rest. To my pleasure there was also a tiny mangrove forest around it. I'd had seen mangrove trees before. Straightway I took a bearing to them.

“Where you go?”
“To mangroves”
“What mangroves?”
“Those mangroves”
“But what mangroves?”
“Aha, trees here you see are mangroves”
“What we do mangroves?”
“Lookin’ if some animal there”
“No can be animal there. Only monkey on tree”
“Snake can too…”
“Snake? Maiya pai! No like see snake, go back!”
“You no like snake?”
“I no like snake evlybodiiiiiiiiiiii”

That sentence and her pronunciation I’ll remember till my own death.

Thus it was we were paddling back. After a while an animal head sticking out of the water and approaching our canoe surprised me. Because of the distance I was not able to see what is it for the specie. First of all it seemed to be a python… Then I recognized a big saurian.

I told her: “Lookin’ there, big lizard swimming here”. And this was a mistake. She started to act the goat. She was screaming and dancing on the boat in so far I had to do my best not to fall over. She was ready to jump in the water. By the way, she can’t swim. Thank God, the lizard got the idea and skedaddled somewhere to hell. It took me time to explain to her that she is much safer in the canoe with me rather than drowning in the water close to that poor creature.

Tale #2

This is a very coarse transcript of an SMS communication between my good friend and his TGF. I hope not to violate someone’s intimacy. I guess the style is very common and my friend is not the only one who receives similar messages. This is not about to scorn TBGs. Most of us are familiar with what’s going on. The names have been changed to protect the guilty. She starts.

“Hi honey! How are you? What you do?”
“Hi sugar! Thank you, I’m fine. I’m working. What you do?”
“I miss you very very much!”
“I miss you too. But what are you doing right now?”
“I sad you not here. I like see you much!!! Very love you!”
“Yes, I like to be with you too. Now must go work, boss call me.”
“When you come Thailand you be with me?”
“Maybe I can have holiday at the end of October.”
“Darling, not com October, I not here. You com December.”
“Where are you in October?”
“I go visit my father, he in Taiwan.”
“I cannot have holiday in December, I have much to do in work.”
“Sugar you com December! October I go Taiwan.”
“No problem, I can come Taiwan to you, OK?”
“I miss you so much!”

Is she not charming? Oh, I’ve just received another SMS.

Tale #3

This one is the sad one. Not only farang hearts are broken in Thailand.

She is a smart, well-educated Thai lady, about 30 years old. She has nothing to do with the bar scene. Maybe, she is not that beautiful, gorgeous, stunning … You know those words used here to describe Thai girls. She thinks, she is ugly. This is a part of her conversation with me. I apologize to her really much for publishing without her permission, but she is to stay anonymous.

“… I told you about guy I broken. He give me a hope to live at European country. And give me a waiting he come. Two years I fall in love with him. Now he marry girl from another Asian country. Crazy. That make me hurt so much. I fear to start fall in love with someone who never meet and someone on internet again.”

“Yes I had many foreigner guy chat with on internet. But nobody interested in me more than friend and I never meet who in real. I am sweet girl and romantic girl. And I will dedicate myself for my lover and my family in future. But now still not meet someone right for me. I feel lonely when I go back my home. I deep in desire to have someone share life with me but still not meet someone right for me.”

“… Many foreigner add me to chat but those are want only talk about sex. Not good…”
“… because I book room for my friend from European city but he not come. He cancel his trip, I paid for book already that why I must go there and I want to go too …”

Is she the only one? Two long years! You BASTARD!

Tale #4

This is about another girl. I met her on the Internet and it seems to be quite serious. I like her mak mak. She is afraid about her weight; thereby she started some aerobic sessions. Her description follows:

“I started go aerobic dance, because I am fat. I think, when you come Thailand, you want to see me on slim body!”

Yes, that’s what I want to see for sure after 12 hours in a plane and 8 hours in a bloody bus. Slim guys, screw out of the Khon Khaen! Big Body is to arrive soon…

Stickman's thoughts:

I used to find Tinglish charming but o I find it frustrating and prefer to simply speak in Thai.