Stickman Readers' Submissions February 26th, 2005

My Tips

By Kiwi Ken

I haven't been through the falling in love with a Thai girl getting ruined routine though have been with a few casually. I've read Stick's site pretty thoroughly and I've been around the traps a bit including a divorce. Although no
theory is ever totally black and white the situation seems pretty clear-cut to me, so here's my bit of crap advice:

1. A long term relationship will ONLY work if you are together ALL the time during your "courtship" – either in Thailand or in some other country. This is true in your country and even more true in Thailand.

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2. You keep ABSOLUTE control of your finances – look at the stories about the poor suckers that have put most of their hard earned into buying property in their Thai wife's name. There are ways around that.

3. Do not commit to a relationship that is any more than casual unless you have known and BEEN WITH the lady for at least 12 (say) months. Let's say I went to England for a month – met and fell in love with a girl – and then said, well
I've got to go back to New Zealand for 12 months but I love you madly and I can come back then for a month only – let's have a committed long term relationship. Does this sound plausible to you? No? Much easier looking from the outside
in, of course, isn't it. It might sound like a truism but you can not possible know somebody after a month.

By the way, on this note, it doesn't just happen to Farangs and Thais. A friend of mine who is in his fifties and seemingly in control of his marbles – good guy with a good business going – met this supposed country singer from America
recently over the internet. She has now arrived in NZ and it is obvious to everyone that knows him that she is a complete fraud. I won't go into the details but I suspect she is rather more interested in his business (read wallet) than anything
else. (My ex wife was no slouch in this department either – the old marriage is the most expensive form of prostitution bit!). Anyway, he is completely besotted with her. My guess, at this stage, is that he will do his business and therefore any
hope for financial security (due to his age) over the next few months. I hope I'm wrong. No fool like an old fool – or a young one if you read Stick's site!

4. Don't spend more than you can afford – you've come close already. I'd love a Lamborghini driven by Jennifer Lopez – but all I can afford is a Corolla (quite a new one though) and Mrs. Palmer at the moment. Sounds like you should concentrate
on getting a bit of money together and at the same time thinking hard about getting into a job that you don't actually detest. By the way, if you have become besotted by Thailand, I'd go back and read the articles about getting some
money behind you in Thailand as opposed to your own country. There were a couple of good ones comparing a couple of teachers, one who stayed in England for 20 odd years, the other Thailand. Guess which one ended up hugely better off. I learnt
the hard way that getting some behind you, starting young and keeping it there, is MUCH easier in the long term.

5. DON'T give em money – NONE – ZILCH – ZERO (apart from the one night transaction if you're going down that road). This applies to farangs, blokes, etc as well by the way. It seems to be a human trait that if you start giving someone
money they haven't earned they get used to it real quick. I've been down that road before. It seems to me that it always turns into a black hole both from my own experience and from observation of other peoples. As the man said – don't
lend money – it gives 'em amnesia. Who said that, by the way – see if you know? These days I'd say a relationship will only work if both parties are contributing at least something at the start. If somebody dropped a couple of mill into
my account (dollars, not baht!) I might consider wasting some of it by trying to buy love, but not unless, and certainly not all of it.

From reading the submissions, I would sat that if even one of the above tests is failed, your chances are better than zero but only infinitesimally.

Stickman's thoughts:

A lot of sense here. Some people laugh at the old "guys check their brains in at Don Meuang when they enter the country" analogy but it is oh so true. Good advice you give for sure.

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