Farangs, Brains And Cash
I've been reading the stories on this site for about 2 years now and I'm still amazed at just how stupid some western guys can be. All this talk about getting ripped off by some badass Bar Girl (BG), or even a 'Good Girl' and a myriad
of other nasty happenings just amazes me.
So you've heard all the stories about the Thai beauties that can be had for a few baht. You've probably just been through some form of bad relationship at home and all you really need is some fun and to regain your confidence. So a trip to Thailand is booked and finally your leave cold wet (probably) corner of Farangland behind and arrive at Don Muang. Before you left home you probably spent a long time working out just what you needed to take with you and how you were going to fit it all in your suitcase. But it seems to me that a lot of you blokes leave one important thing behind – your brain!
The chances are that if you are honest, you are a, wait for it…..sex tourist….no? Well call it what you want but I know which horse my money would be on. So why is it that you cannot accept that the 20 year old stunner that you took out of the bar on your first night did it for the cash? Why is it that the next morning you're sat in the nearest internet cafe researching just how you're going to get this little beauty back to Farangland? Could it be that you are absolutely convinced that she loves you for real, she's different from all the girls in the stories you've read during your pre-visit internet research? Could it be that when the subject of cash was mentioned the next morning, this little beauty seemed prepared to have done it for nothing – did she say "up to you teerak"?
First mistake – before your trip you might well have read many stories on this site and others that warn you about this but your girl was different wasn't she? Never, never do it this way – these girls work on the principle that for every guy that actually thinks he's won the lottery and doesn't pay them, there's another 99 that will give them far more than they would have got if the price had been negotiated before leaving the bar. Don't believe me? How much did you give her? Let me tell you here and now that despite all the things you have been told and the websites that give the average price for a 'Short Time' at various venues across LOS, it is still possible to have the company of a very attractive, young BG for 1,000 baht for the entire night. Did she happen to casually mention the Japanese tourist that had paid her 7,000 for the night or the Yank that gave her 4,000 for an hour? Sound familiar? It should do – it’s straight out of the manual. I have never paid more than 1500 and that was only the once. You have to get things into perspective – have you any idea just how much 1,000 baht is to the average Thai? I suggest you find out.
Always sort out the financial side of things and make sure you know exactly what the cash pays for before you leave the bar. But please – do it discreetly, these girls are human beings and they don't like all and sundry to hear the negotiations taking place. I've seen more than one of my drunken, thoughtless countrymen waving 1,000 baht notes about and shouting the negotiations out at the top of their voices – even in the situation, these guys still make me feel ashamed.
Ok, I would be the first to admit that there are some girls working the bars that are hoping their Knight will arrive and are genuinely looking to enter into a relationship but have you ever considered how difficult a cross cultural relationship can be? I could tell you a thousand stories about that but to sum it up – take your goldfish out of its bowl and see how long it lasts. Thai people have fun, eat out most of the time and have the weather to go with it. If your teerak is a BG then remember, the fun you had with her, the laughs, the jokes – were all set against the background of the bar scene whilst you were in holiday mode. Back in Farangland and the realities of life – things will almost certainly be very different.
Anyway, back to my gripe – stupidity and how easily you are parted from your money in the belief that you have the only BG in LOS that is genuine – she's even jealous isn't she? Well no actually she's not – its called 'losing face', if you chat to another girl in the bar or even smile at one on the street, she will 'lose face' – very important to a Thai, read about it. So, you've finished at the internet cafe and you now know a little about what's involved in getting her a visa to Farangland. You head back over to the hotel because she must be ready to get up by now surely? Maybe? When she does, her 'genuine' love for you is confirmed because she wants to take you sightseeing – read this as shopping with meals and more drinks thrown in. By lunchtime she wants to stay with you for the length of your holiday and by the time you arrive back at your hotel with bags full of fake Gucci, D&G and other goodies, the little treasure has offered you the opportunity to visit one of Thailand's stunning islands for a few days. I could go on but surely you've got the picture by now?
To be fair I can understand how you find it difficult to think that this girl is anything other than genuine but that's probably because of your perception of a hooker. Back home most of them are dirty drug addicts that want to get 'the business'
over with as quickly as possible, it’s probably conducted in some grotty flat somewhere in a really rough part of town and she looks nothing like the little beauty that you've just spent an entire night with. Well that's probably
the biggest point, it is very different in Thailand – I would describe it as 'rent a girlfriend' and if you're lucky, a really horny girlfriend and fun to be with girlfriend at that. But at the end of the day – when she's dried
her eyes at Don Muang as you say your goodbye's – there is one major similarity to the hooker back home – its a transaction. Take it for what it is, have a bloody good time and enjoy every minute.
Having said all of that – you may find a 'good girl' but try to get your brain sent over by DHL before its too late. If you think you've been lucky – apply some good old common sense. If the girl of your dreams seems to be losing interest because you're refusing to buy that top of the range new mobile or take her down to Samui for a few days – apply the same rationality you would back home. I'm not suggesting that you're mean but if the relationship's built on cash its unlikely to succeed. Ahhhh yes cash – the source of many a problem in a Farang/Thai relationship. Before you embark on a long term relationship with a Thai lady, try to learn the subtleties of how Thai people treat the financial side of things. Apart from the stories you will hear about huge dowries and families demanding large monthly donations from Farangland once you and your lady are back (these are quite separate), you will have problems if you don't learn that the Thai attitudes to cash is a lot different to ours. Your lady might well place financial stability very high on her list of what makes a good partner and this is quite usual. You will always be number 2 and the family will be number 1 – learn to be part of the family and you may become number 1 too. Being part of the family takes on responsibilities and one of them may well be to support your new Thai family financially to some extent. Remember, your lady has probably been doing this already before she met you – there is no state pension in Thailand and kids look after their families. Just learn what is right and what's taking the p*ss. Refuse? Well don't be too hurt if your new love heads for the airport – it doesn't mean she never really loved you, she has to take care of her family – a concept that has been lost in most of the west.
To those of you that may have met your 'good girl' by other routes and have decided that she's never going to cheat on you because proper Thai girls are so loyal – here's a little thing I came across sitting in Gulliver's when I was over in December with the wife visiting the family (yes, I'm married to a Thai – a real 'good girl' too and so far its been a success – but it ain't easy). We'd been out for the evening with my wife's best friend and as is the way, she had also brought a couple of friends along too. Now I know these girls and in no way are they now or have they ever been, connected to the bar/freelance scene. They are simple, hard working Thai's that put in the customary 6 x 10 hour days every week for 8 -10,,000 baht per month. Anyway, the friend of the friend, who I knew but hadn't really talked to much before was very attractive and nicely dressed this evening (Thai style though – no mini skirt or bare shoulders). She was getting more than a few admiring glances from some of the customers. While I'm at the loo a farang guy comes across and gives her his phone number. This girl looks like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth – just the type you'd love to take home to mum so I warn her that due to the location this guy probably thinks she's a freelancer and that's that or so I think. A few weeks later the wife has her weekly phone call to her friend back home and then tells me what happened. It seems that Miss Butter was already engaged to a Thai guy, had cheated on him with another Thai guy before she met us in Gulliver's that evening, had met the farang the evening after and is continuing to see all three. Loyalty?? People are the same the word over.