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Thailand: Where Dreams And Nightmares Come True

  • Written by Martin
  • January 28th, 2005
  • 4 min read


Had a lot of spare time on my hands lately and started to think about the differences between the average uninteresting farang girl and a Thai bargirl. I came to think that a comparison can be made, similar to the differences between an ordinary family saloon and a flash sports car.

In the West you chat up the real pretty girls only to get knocked back, eventually settling on a plain Jane with a nice personality. You dream about having a stunner on your arm but that is far as you get. Similarly you want a flash sports car but you cant afford one, so you settle for a sensible saloon. You dream about driving an exotic Italian machine but that is as far as you get.

The dream might go something like this:-

You want a car so you go to the local car dealer. When you get there, the place is full of BMWs, Porsches, Ferraris and Lamborghinis. The salesman says, Pick one you like, have a sit in it, start it up, listen to it and if you like it you can hire it for the day – only $25 US. So you try a few, settle on a Porsche and off you go, check out the acceleration, top speed and handling, then take it round to show your mates. When you take it back there is no maintenance fee, no insurance hassles and if it breaks down its not your problem. OK says the salesman, would you like to try another? How about this Ferrari? $25 changes hands again and off you go for day two…and so on.

After hiring several of these exotic machines you become attached to a particular Lamborghini, paying the salesman just $25 everyday to take it out for a spin. After driving this vehicle for over a week the salesman spouts up, take it, it's yours for free, but you have to maintain it, insure it, buy tyres, tax it and you have to join the owners club in the North East… How much does the N.E. owners club cost you ask…but there is no answer, just a smile.

So off you go with your gorgeous, sexy Lamborghini, you can take it out anytime, check out the top speed, hammer it around the bends and gees are your mates going to be jealous, especially when they find out you got it for free. All goes well for several weeks; it's a bit temperamental sometimes; difficult to start in the mornings, expensive on maintenance and gas, it won't carry the shopping and the cost of those tyres is frightening. You have to put up with other guys constantly ogling your motor and you always get the impression that some of them, given half a chance, will make off with it if you don't keep your eye on it. Then there is the owner club from the North East, why do they keep asking for $US 200every month? Surely it's not your job to pay for repairs to the club house and that story about the president having a heart attack; don't they have medical insurance?

After a while the bills start to mount up. Ok it was free to start with but the running costs are horrendous especially the N.E. owners club. Time to off load, but this is when the troubles really start. The thing won't start at all in the mornings, when you do get it going, the brakes stop working at the most inopportune moment and it seems to have a mind of its own, accelerating out of control, trying to swerve into other vehicles and generally becoming a danger to life and limb. On top of that the owners club have found out you are trying to get rid of it and they are sending some committee members down to talk about it. You talked to the president on the phone (she has made a miraculous recovery from her heart attack) and she says it is not as easy as that as you are the owner, you have to take care of the vehicle and pay the owners club for many more years yet.

The dream has become a nightmare and you are left with only one course of action. You take your Lamborghini out for one last thrash, check out the top speed and hammer it around the bends. Then you pull into the parking lot of the original dealer you got it from. You exchange general chit chat with the salesman then tell him you just want to nip to the loo. Now's your chance, nobody's looking so you leg it out of the gate, leaving that beautiful machine for some other lucky punter.

Back to the analogy between a Thai bargirl and a sports car.

You dream about stepping out with a gorgeous girl but that is as far as you get.

The dream might go something like this:-

You want a girl so you go to the local bar. When you get there, the place is full of absolute stunners. The mamasan says, Pick one you like, sit with her, have a chat and if you like her you can take her out for the day – only $25 US.

Thailand; where dreams (and nightmares) come true.

Stickman's thoughts:

A very nice analogy indeed!