Readers' Submissions

Newbie Misadventures Part 1



By Frozen Falang


After reading all of the other submissions on this site over the last couple of years, I have decided it’s time to provide some input of my own. <you others take note!Stick>

I’ve been to the Land of Smiles four times now, and will soon be enjoying my fifth trip. As far as I’m concerned, I am still a newbie; but I’m working on it; I’d really like to spend enough time there to get a working knowledge of that difficult language before considering myself a veteran. Until I am able to do this, I will just do my best to become an informed, respectful, and halfway respectable tourist.

Today, thanks to the internet, there is a plethora of information available about the country, the people, the society, do’s and don’ts, etc. Message boards that had a few hundred members two years ago are today sporting thousands of members, and I would hazard a guess that most of these members haven’t even been to Thailand; such is the fascination with this most popular of exotic tourist destinations. I’ve recently seen figures of over twelve million visitors to Thailand last year – simply amazing.

Now I had heard of the wonders of this part of the world a long time ago – I knew people that had been there in the '80s when it didn’t have a fraction of the tourist infrastructure that we enjoy today. I had plenty of chances to visit exotic destinations, but somehow it just wasn’t for me – in hindsight now I realize I was just scared of the unknown – something will happen, I’ll get ripped off, I’ll catch something, etc (actually the same sort of crap I hear from others here today whom I am trying to persuade to accompany me)….. so I just confined my travelling to the more westernized places. I had the pleasure of visiting Stickman’s homeland of New Zealand in 1979, my first real trip overseas on my own – it was a neat place in those days, with funky old cars all over and the friendliest people you could imagine, but with a nightlife so sleepy that you could have shot a cannon down Queen St. in Auckland at 10:30PM without danger of hitting anyone. I returned there eleven years later and it didn’t have quite the same character, although I still love the Kiwi hospitality.

A wandering brother had also spent some time there, but ended up settling in Australia instead; pity, I wish he’d stayed in NZ, but that’s just the way things worked out for him. I’d go and visit him and his family every few years or so, and it was nice to get away from Canadian winters, but I invariably ended up getting bored travelling on my own. Oh, I loved the heat, but the society is much like ours, it’s not particularly cheap there, and I guess I just needed a little more stimulation.

One year I decided I needed a change from the usual Vancouver-Honolulu-Sydney routing, so I asked my travel agent to come up with an alternative. She found me a deal with Singapore Airlines, r/t Vancouver-Singapore-Sydney, and an open one year deal as well so I could change dates around – now this is more interesting, I thought…

SAL was great to fly on, great service and food. The flight attendants in their little “keyaba” outfits were gorgeous, and in my aisle seat I came to enjoy those shapely little asses brushing against my shoulder every time they went by. I am still kicking myself for not buying the flight attendant Barbie from their dutyfree catalogue – it would have a place of honour on my shelf to this day.

Singapore was interesting – clean, safe, hot but not uncomfortably so to me, accustomed to working outdoors in extremes all my adult life. When you’ve spent as much of your life as I have dealing with extreme cold, heat is nothing – just drink more beer and nip into the a/c once in a while. It may be different if I was out wielding a shovel in 35C, but I’m a tourist, remember?

And oh, the eye candy – Singapore is a fascinating mix of every nationality in SE Asia, and the women are absolutely stunning. Taking a stroll down Orchard Rd. in mid-afternoon is a real treat. There is a wonderful variety of food available, and for reasonable prices from the food courts – also many serve beer in the bigger bottles, too. Unfortunately the hotel rooms and bars are expensive, and a night on the town will set you back a lot if you’re seriously into the booze.

Having gotten into the hotel at 2:00AM, the first night was shot, but I was able to get a decent sleep. I almost made an ass of myself after checking into the room – I had never seen an “Enersave” device before, where you place your key tag in the slot and the power switches on while you are there; I was hunting around for a breaker panel!! I can’t remember the name of the hotel offhand, I think it was @$100S a night for a typical smallish, twin single bed room.

The next day I wandered around for a while, and eventually ended up in an Irish pub called Muddy Murphy’s, about half a block away from Orchard Rd. A nice pub, not cheap of course with beer @$8.00S if memory serves me correctly… met a couple of local expats there and talked for a while with them.

After a few beer, I was feeling a little more mellow, and decided to walk back to the hotel for a rest – suddenly I felt a tug on my elbow, and a voice saying to me discreetly, “where you go? I suck you, I f**k you, I give you good brow job”…huh? Well, the brazen little minx, and on a busy sidewalk in the middle of the day, no less… I turned to have a look, and she didn’t look too bad at first glance, quite exotic… not quite as petite as your average Thai girl, but with curves in the right places and a nice light brown colour. Thanks to the beer, it took me about five seconds to make up my mind, and we hailed a taxi and off we went.

She said her name was Cindy, and she was Indonesian. We got back to the room, and I headed into the washroom to freshen up – when I got out she already had her clothes off and was ready for action! She had a great set of tits, and seemed willing enough. The only thing I noticed that wasn’t quite right was that she had a really dry pussy – one of the worst I have encountered, and we had to use lubrication.

Well, we had already quickly negotiated a fee – I believe she wanted $300 for long time, and I told her I would throw in an extra $100 if she stayed all night. We rested for a while, and then she took me out to Chinatown for Chinese New Year’s. The streets were thronged with people, and she took me to a sukiyaki place, the first time I’d seen this and I really enjoyed it. Then we wandered around and took in the local entertainment. I noticed the odd strange look from the locals, but didn’t really think much of it at the time. I started to get really tired around 11:00 PM, and we went back to the room, unfortunately missing most of the fireworks show at midnight. We had another session in the morning, which she really didn’t seem too enthusiastic about, and then she went on her way.

Now I’ve thought about this girl occasionally since – she was only the second Asian woman I’d had at that point, and the other one was a thoroughly westernized Vancouver escort. I took out the only photos I have of her a little while ago – I had a new digital camera still in the box but hadn’t learned to use it yet, so just have a couple of night shots with a disposable – and with all the experience I’ve gained since, I could swear she was a post-op ladyboy! <Mate, as soon as you said lubrication was necessary, the alarms were ringing hot!Stick> That would certainly explain the dry pussy, and the occasional funny look from the local populace as well. I’m certainly not going to lose any sleep over it at this late date – she did have a great set of hooters that felt real, and otherwise seemed feminine enough, and she was in the right place at the right time, wasn’t she?

The next day I just wandered some more, did a little shopping for my family, and enjoyed a few beers at little outdoor spots. That night I had decided to check out Orchard Towers, the fabled “Four Floors of Whores”. As the name implies, it is a four storey building that houses retail stores on the bottom floor or two, including a row of tailors who can be pests, and bars on the upper floors. It has been too long for me to remember any of the names of the bars, although I’m sure the current info is available on the net. I wandered around several different bars before coming to rest in one on the top floor, and had an overpriced beer or two while checking out the action. It was quite busy, and I was enjoying some people watching when I was approached by a tiny little thing who started yakking to me. I told her to get a drink if she wanted one (duh), and she came back with a rye and coke that cost me $15S!! I almost fell off my stool at that one…but she was the first Thai I had met, had that usual wonderful smile and cheery disposition, and she was good company. She had another of her friends join us briefly, another Thai girl who was younger and more attractive but had no English – if I hadn’t been so green I probably could have had both for a decent price, but live and learn. Anyway, I wasn’t about to sit there and fill her full of booze all night at those prices and it was getting late anyway, so off to the hotel we went – no trouble getting her in, although I was told later that it can be hit-and-miss for this in that particular hotel. She was an enthusiastic and cheery little thing, with the ghastliest C-section scar I have ever seen, poor girl. The doctor who committed this atrocity on her should have been kicked out of the medical profession. She gave me a good massage, too, with the novel procedure of walking up and down my spine with her tiny little heels…felt pretty good too. I’m not sure what I paid her, I think it was $180 – 200S for short time, and she stayed about an hour and a half; quite entertaining. She told me she had been working in Singapore for a while, and had just come back after spending a few months on her farm in Thailand. She wasn’t bullshitting – she had big calluses on her hands that could only have been formed by heavy labour with a manual implement.

The next day I was off to Oz, and didn’t get up to much naughtiness there other than a couple of short times in King’s Cross that were nothing to write home about, then it was off to do the family thing for a while.

This is getting long, so I will have to end this instalment now; the next one will detail my first visit to the LOS, and the fun really starts….

Stickman's thoughts:

Good stuff – look forward to reading more.