Farang’n’Thais – An Adventure
Farangs'n'Thais – An Adventure
For months now I have been planning to write a submission to the Stickman website, but never managed to come up with something that passed my "quality control". I often felt like adding my 2 (European) cents here and there, letting you guys
and gals know my point of view…
Several mates of mine have went through rough and devastating divorces in the West, but I "generally dislike generalisations" (is that a contradiction? ;-)) and am often appalled at all the negative comments on this site regarding farang females.
I have many absolutely fantastic European friends; gals as well as guys. Some have been in positive relationships and some even happily married for years. (With the usual difficulties any learning process involves.)
Some contributors to the reader submissions leave the impression that they are / were convinced coming to Thailand and finding themselves a nice, submissive (!?!?) local female will / would solve all the relationship problems they did not manage to overcome in the West.
Past lessons not learned, I would say. No matter how far you physically as well as mentally run away: your personality and unsolved problems in life will always catch up with you. In Thailand you will have the added spice of chili – not to mention your loved one's very different cultural background. It will require just as much energy (if not more) to make a relationship work here as it does "back home". (Unless, maybe, you are a control freak and manage to find someone stupid enough to play along.)
The places chosen by most guys to find their soulmate and saviour also doesn't seem to make much sense: Nana Plaza, Soi Cowboy, Nana Disco…!? Phuket and Pattaya for the more adventurous ones…
Before my first visit to Thailand, thanks to the Western media, I used to look down on the ladies working there, but feel that I now understand bits and pieces of where they are coming from, and do have a certain respect for what they are doing. Even for the most cunning ones – it is their karma. Besides: it always takes two to tango. You are willing to believe the bullshit: that is your choice, your karma. How many times have *they* been lied to before? How many times have their dreams been shattered by black-hearted men? Can anyone blame them for trying to make as much profit with their business as possible? Who doesn't dream of making as much money as possible with as little effort as possible?
I would never say never, and therefore am sure there are dozens (if not hundreds) of stories out there of farangs who married a bargirl and are now living a happy life. But: what are the odds? I would personally find it extremely difficult to ever really trust a partner who at one point in her life was willing to sell her body for money. (I also have reservations regarding the basis of a relationship that started with the guy barfining the girl, then paying her for sex…) In Thailand, the family is more important than the individual (and I do wish this concept will become a little more popular in Farangland again) – still, I would have recurring doubts.
But who knows: maybe I have simply read too many of the reader submissions on this website. Not too long ago, somebody did mention that this might not exactly be healthy for one's mind. I agree, and hope I (and countless others!) will have the time and energy to write and send in some positive stories / insights in the future.
Pothole Research, e.g., has given examples of genuine Thai girls he met on his trips. Girls "who do not read stickmanbangkok.com", who do not ask for handouts, and who do not talk about sick buffalos.
I am self-employed, and therefore don't have as much time to explore the country as I would like to, but just judging from the few trips I went on: there are towns and cities (hell, once past Sukhumvit Soi 61 or 69, even Bangkok becomes a totally different place) that are not too often frequented by foreigners, and the Thais there are usually very friendly, very laid back, and sometimes even amused to see a long-nose. Just keep in mind that most of the locals come from a different background, and that a majority of them do not know much about what is going on outside of Thailand (English Premier League excluded, of course) – not just politically, but also culturally. Even the most clued up – according to our Western standards, that is – Thais I have met can never ever deny where they are coming from, just like we Westerners can't.
Visiting more remote areas will also be a good way to improve your Thai; which I feel is essential in the long-run. (Unfortunately, I am just a beginner.) One guy I know (who speaks very good Thai) put it this way: "You have to be able to communicate with them in a language they feel comfortable with. Even if their English is very good, most of them are not totally at ease when using it."
Before I go, let me close the circle by going back to the male farangs who have lost all hope with the females from their parts of the world. I find it interesting to see more and more Thai guys with very attractive farang girlfriends. Maybe the latter are also fed up with Western guys? Blind, hardcore feminism has possibly made both male and female farangs lose chunks of their identities, their understanding of what their role in society is. Being equal is a good thing, but a man is a man, a woman a woman.
"The more I understand about life, the more I understand that I understand sweet fuck all."
Mister Pat in good ol' BKK.
I think a lot of Westerners who end up marrying Thai women actually did something they never intended / planned to do.