Catalogue Brides – The Violent End
I’m not one for making false promises, anybody who knows me will testify to this statement. If I say I’ll do something, then consider it will be done…though not always at the time I intended, but it will be done…eventually!
This in mind. picture the scene. It may be quite a familiar occurrence in many of our experiences when we have corresponded with our teerak on our return to our motherland and decide to take things further by returning to Thailand to see her again. I had called Sammy almost every day on my return to the UK. I had even emailed her pictures and letters daily and after the absence did make my heart grow fonder I threw a sicky from work and flew out to meet her, though my original promise of 3 weeks had to be extended to around 5 (like I said…eventually!)
The flight was really good having been upgraded to Business Class, I had managed a good 8 hours sleep. All my waking hours I was thinking of Sammy, often looking at the stack of pictures from the month before. She was meeting me at the airport and I was thrilled when she had agreed this for me. I had seen the crowds of teeraks waiting for their Ferrang lovers on my previous visit, nervously waiting with orchid garlands in hand ready to adorn their guys neck…such a spectacle that in a way reminded me of the first time I returned from a 6 month active tour in the forces, with all the Navy and Marine wives and their offspring frantically waving to attract their partners attention, so often the guys hadn’t even seen their new born kids in the flesh..(Same Same?)
This is when what I now know is the quite regular occurrence happened to me for the first time (not the last)…I could see Sammy quite clearly, being 6 foot 4 has its advantages and there she was at the front of the crowd and yes…she had the orchids ready and waiting. She looked fabulous, just how I had remembered her…No… she looked better than I could remember!
I caught her eye and all I got was a polite smile, this was not what I expected, I blew her a kiss and she just looked at me and looked around to see who I was gesturing to. As I neared I realised she had forgotten what I looked like…Yep! This girl who I had fallen for the month before and poured my heart out to every day on the phone had forgotten what I had looked like. I pushed my bag truck around the barrier and walked towards her, another girl jumped on me “Dan…Oh Dan, I miss you much many times..Kiss me Dan”
She was a real beauty and I was tempted, but how long could I pretend to be Dan…”Sorry babe, wrong guy”…she was gutted and embarrassed…But not as much as the real Dan who was but a few feet behind me…such fun!…Now for Sammy. I’m now just 10 feet away from her as she is chatting to her buddy Porn…just 10 feet!
She looks at me and again smiles, I just smile back. This happens a few times and as the crowds dissipate she shows the face of let down, after all she’s been waiting over an hour since the flight came in and everybody else’s guys had arrived but where was her Ferrang, had he just lead her on, turning out to be yet another bakwarn bullshitter. I get Porn’s attention and smile to her, she returns the gesture and for the next few minutes, Porn and I are locked in an exchange of “come on’s” just as open and obvious as it would be in Soi 7 beer garden or Gulliver’s…except this was at the airport arrivals with her best mate's guy (though of this fact she also was unaware).
I couldn’t take anymore, to be honest it was pissing me off, all I could think about was check into hotel, ice cold beer, long hot shower and a steamy session with Sammy…”You waiting for somebody special” I said to Sammy. Rather surprised she turned to me and said “I know it you, I just playing…you want Porn now?”…..You just cannot win!
The night before the flight in the UK I had been in a local bar and managed to pull a real cracker who it turned out was in year 2 while I was in year 5 at secondary school (15 years before) and she had a crush on me as I was the captain of our school's first 15 and to be truthful I was a bit better looking and fitter than many of the other lads in my year (if my totty count was anything to go by?). Apparently she had been to every home game!
Anyway after I had lied to her that I remembered her attentions and telling her it was only the age difference that stopped me from pursuing her advances (I knew what she wanted to hear) we went for the UK standard after pub hours eatery that is known as a “Balti House”, basically an Indian restaurant with a big bowl of very saucy curry and Nan bread and you bring your own beers along…a nice way to end the evening for a lot of UK pub goers. Anyway I walked her home and it turned out that she was sharing a flat just a hundred yards away from my house, so she was quite happy to come in for a “Coffee” …..What I’m getting at here is that I don’t really need to come to Thailand to empty my sack, I was getting it regularly back home with decent looking girls…Now, back to the plot;
Just me and Sammy, no outside interference from Phil and Nam, just our own company and how nice it was. We returned to Samed for a few days and it was equally as lovely as the month before, this time we paired up with an American who looked amazingly like Mel Gibson (for which I think he should be eternally grateful of his parent’s genetic compatibility) and with him was a really stunning Thai/Taiwanese girl who’s name will remain my secret (we’ll call her Lek for ease)
Well on our first afternoon/evening together we all had a real great time, completely chilled out as Mel and I played cards and the girls talked and ate and talked and ate etc. We managed to get down a few bottles of Sang Tip and gave the Barbeque a good seeing too on the night, pigging out on lobster, crab, and prawns etc. As the night went on I couldn’t help notice Sammy’s awe of her new friend Lek, ok she was tall and very beautiful and she was draped in obviously genuine designer labels and she was obviously the one with the hand on the purse strings with her and Mel, but Sammy really was star struck with her, though it wasn’t until the end of our second night that all was explained to me, at this moment in time I didn’t have a clue.
Next day we planned a trip around the island in a speedboat and a bit of snorkelling and a trip to the fish farm and it was only to be the four of us on the trip. After breakfast we all set off and I was quite surprised that Mel was driving the boat, they had been here regularly and did know a lot of the beach traders but being allowed the boat for the day was something else. As we left Ao Prao and rounded into the next bay Lek stripped off, completely and gestured to Sammy to do the same and in complete obedience of her new mentor Sammy was soon naked. What a sight of 2 gorgeous girls stripped off as we made our way around the island. I couldn’t stop my self from eyeing up Lek and to be honest she noticed and was playing up to me quite a lot. She even started getting suggestive with Sammy and hugged her and began “Play” kissing her neck, again firstly taken in uneasily with Sammy but soon she was in on the game too.
We pulled up at a deserted beach that only seemed to be accessible from the water, just a little spit of a beach with not a soul to be seen. We anchored up and set up camp. Mel stripped off and on this note everyone looked at me in expectance of the same, but I couldn’t…all of the playing on the boat had a huge effect on me and I had a raging boner!!…. Eventually after much persuasion and having the 2 two girls wrestle me in the water, my shorts were off and my glory was there for all to see and they did look, and look, and look. Trouble was Mel was looking as well, I couldn’t help notice this but he wasn’t too interested in Sammy, he was looking at me.
Well Sammy and I made it in the sea and before long my stiffy was satisfied and went back to normal. It was quite a weird feeling making out in the sea because Mel and Lek were just sat on the beach and watching and Sammy who I had always believed to be quite shy had become quite the exhibitionist and eager to impress her new friend Lek.
Well the day went on with lots of playing in the sea and a couple more bottles of Sang Tip going down and we all just chilled out and I dozed off in the bliss and tranquillity of this paradise.
When I woke I saw Mel lying under a tree fast asleep and I could hear the girls giggling and yelps but couldn’t see them. I swam out to the boat and climbed aboard. There they were lying on the soft seat cushions on the deck, snogging deeply and pleasing each other with their hands. Sammy looked at me quite surprised but Lek called me in to join them. What was I to do, there was this girl I had thought was a possible Mrs. George, who’s apparent shyness and naivety had been such an attraction to me, making out with another girl on a boat, while her boyfriend was sleeping on a beach 50 yards way…what was I to do?…Of course I jumped into the boat, wedged in another of the cushions and got well and truly stuck in…Brilliant!!
Being our last evening we really went for it when we got back to Ao Prao and before long we were all very much drunk and having a whale of a time, feeling a bit left out of the afternoons antics, Mel (after convincing me that his apparent attraction to me on the beach was nothing more than a wind up) suggested that we went back to their room and have some more fun, so on that note we all headed off to what ended up as a night of non-stop shagging that would satisfy any porno movie producer…It was fantastic.
Next day we said our bye byes and headed off back to Bangkok. I suggested to Sammy that we spend the night in Pattaya, but she wasn’t having any of it and told the driver not to take us there and just get back to Bangkok…Funny reaction!
On our return we checked into the Ambassador and Sammy said she needed to get her clothes cleaned and would need to get ready for her work at an MBK hair salon the next afternoon, so we agreed to meet up later on the night. I quickly SSS’d and before I knew it I was drinking a beer on a bar on the main Vit near Soi 13…I soon got into a chat with a group of UK squaddies that were in Thailand to visit an old soldier who had set up a bar in Pattaya and before long we were all getting pretty drunk. My phone had rung a few times and cut out when I answered, which to be honest was quite normal for the connections at the time, I thought no more of it and carried on having a laugh with my new friends. Then it rang again and it was a guy that knew my name and reckoned that we had a few drinks together the month before and suggested that we should meet up again as he was near the Vit. Fine I thought, though I couldn’t really remember him, I did talk to a lot of people and he sounded ok. He asked where I was drinking and after telling him he said he would be there in an hour.
The problem with some of the bars around here was that to go to the toilet you had to leave the bar and walk through to the old indoor market, bit of a jaunt but it's ok. So later on in the night I went off for a good emptying. I didn’t really notice the door closing in the toilet and seconds later I was hit in the back of the head by a Thai guy and on turning around to defend myself, realised I was in a very bad situation, there were 2 Thai guys and a wiry dark skinned Ferrang egging them on. I was hit again and again by the guys and my attempts to stop one of them were just countered by the other one and soon I was getting a real beating. “Just take my money” I shouted as the two Thais held me from behind, the Ferrang moved forward and began kicking and hitting me in the ribs and face, “You want my girl you pay me”…turned out he was Sammy’s Pimp/Boyfriend and he owned a bar in Pattaya and Sammy was a big draw for the bar and he was not too pleased that she had been seen out and about with me and he wasn’t getting any of her cut. How did he find me? …just checked out Sammy’s call list on her mobile, checked out her pictures at her friends apartment and put 2 and 2 together. You might call what happened next as lucky but regardless, I was still in a lot of pain…My Squaddy buddies had gep tanged in the bar and popped into the loos to look for me, needless to say the Thai guys got the crap kicked out of them and I gave the Ferrang a more than adequate going over. We all beat it pretty quickly and kept a low profile for the next few days. I changed hotels and ignored Sammy’s calls. To be true I had spent a night in Bumrungrud Hospital after they patched me up for “observations” as I had a cracked cheekbone, badly bruised ribs and 2 busted fingers.
Sammy emailed me and apologised and to be honest she came clean that she was trying to get away from this fellow and get away from the Pattaya bar scene and start an honest job as a beautician at MBK. If I didn’t go back with her she would kill herself. It may seem sad but I ended it there and then. I told her there was an envelope waiting for her at the ambassador which contained a collection number for a money order for 20k baht, and I said my goodbyes.
I found out later that she did try to top herself with caustic soda but had failed, the money had paid for her inevitable hospitalisation…A friend of hers kept me in touch with her goings on by email for the next year or so and she did seem to get back on her feet again.
I returned to the UK the next week, the last few days being spent ducking and diving determined never to return to Thailand…as I was now keeping a very low profile in another part of town (Silom) where I eventually met my wife…but that’s another story!
To conclude this item a quote from the marriage agency's literature “you will not meet the girl to marry in a bar… You will only meet educated, professional girls in our agency”…Sammy was a gem, had her past been made apparent to me there still would not have been a problem, I still liked her, but after the punch up it just wasn’t worth the danger of continuing with her, a good kicking this time…what next?
On a final note;
2 months ago I was sitting at the front of Big Dogs with my buddies getting a few beers downs our necks when who should walk up from the Dynasty end with a very happy looking Ferrang and a wedding ring on her finger?…and after almost 8 years she still looked gorgeous…God bless her.
Oh I almost forgot…Lek was all over the billboards when I got back to BKK as a skin cream model…hence Sammy’s awestruck manner in her company.
You were lucky your squaddy mates were there or else it might have got real messy.