Stickman Readers' Submissions January 6th, 2005

Catalogue Brides Part 3

Before I begin, the tunes I’m playing on my stereo as I write this have just reminded me of a question I am asked so many times…Just what is Thai music like, not the traditional stuff or the countless pub / bar / hotel bands that seem to churn
out the same Western tunes from Santana, Carpenters, Broccoli Spears, etc etc but Real Thai performers and bands turning out their own material. Don’t worry about the lyrics here just get your Thai partner to explain them and you’ll
soon get into it (might even improve your language skills??). In my opinion the Thai bands are turning out much more original music than the equivalent chart trash we have to put up with in the West and the musical quality is pretty damn good,
especially the acoustic and rock bands.

Well I’m a bit of an old Rocker and I tend to go for this edge of the scene so the following list may not appeal to all but here goes anyway.

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Silly Fools; My current favourite band with 2 fantastic albums that I know of being “Mint” and the latter “King Size”. You might recognise some of the tunes from continual radio play and the music from one of the
“Birdy” coffee commercials. Their music goes from very hard rock to punchy melodies with very catchy lyrics, their acoustic offerings are sublime. Definitely a band to look out for and I’ll be going to a gig if they plan anything
in the future.

Bird.Sec; Pretty much a legend in Thailand with such a diverse range of offerings. Bird is the vocalist and has been an idol in Thailand for years and again a song from the latest album is featured in “Birdy” Ads. Again the
latest album has acoustic and more rock (driving) tunes, when you hear the first song you’ll totally recognise the tune as it’s the one that you’ve been hearing for most of 2004 on air, TV and when a Thai bar band gets a request
from a local (or me !)

Beau; Nice female singer with a superb last album. Much adored by my wife, mostly acoustic and chilled type tunes.

Hyper; Not bad really with excellent acoustic tunes and quite good rock numbers.

I’m going off the rails a bit with the intention of this posting so I’ll continue later with this subject but not without mentioning one last recommendation. There are at least 2 albums from up and coming artists called titled
“Little Rock Project”. This is a superb introduction to who are out there including Kala, AB Normal, Paradox, Zeal, Clash (how did they get away with this name??), etc. Containing a pretty good selection of the acoustic, rock, metal
that is available from Thailand’s young bands. Remember you can buy copied Western albums pretty much anywhere but if you do buy Thai CDs buy the genuine ones, also the Karaoke CDs are pretty good and an excellent way of picking up a few
“love lines” to impress your Terrak as most Thai band music is love and relationship based…

Right then back to the posting;

Koh Samet….Koh Samet, not Koh Samui but Samet. She had got the Koh bit right …ah well, first impressions were good and although the girls were not enjoying the “offroading” taxi trip, Phil and I were having a real good laugh
in the back of the pickup as we were all being thrown around as the driver negotiated the ruts and potholes and ditches of the “road” to Au Prao, drawing to a halt to allow a huge monitor lizard with a snake in his mouth to pass,
this was great stuff and when we got away again and turned into the bay it was becoming apparent that maybe Samet wasn’t a bad mistake after all, it was beautiful and it looked pretty much like my paradise dream picture of Samui. We settled
into our deluxe bungalow, showered and hit the beach to watch what was remaining of the sunset sitting at our dining table sipping another ice cold Singha with the sea gently wetting our feet, the girls were ordering barbequed talay treats
while Phil and I just soaked up the surroundings (as well as more beer!) a thin strip of almost white sandy beach cloaked with palm trees and the barely visible lights from the few bars and restaurants underneath and just the slight sound of the
waves mixed in with the soft ambient, trancy beats from the bars sound systems, none of which were in any way trying to out play their neighbours, just softly and quietly adding to the atmosphere…what a place!

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And there we stayed for what was planned to being a couple of days, every morning waking to the tranquility and beauty of Samet and the memory of the perfect day had before changing our minds to stay “just one more day” which
soon became five more days, the place was enchanting.

“What’s up with you?” asked Phil as we sat on the rocks, resting from what must have been 2 hours of snorkelling at the far side of the beach (there wasn’t much to see but it was so relaxing).

“Nothing” I replied “why, do I look moody or something?”…

“You’ve got a face like a bulldog who’s just chewed a wasp…what’s up with you …are you not getting any?”

He had hit the nail on the head. There was Phil at every opportunity detailing every single detail of his prolific sex activities with Nam and it was only now lying here in a rock pool 5 days into my relationship that I had realised that Sammy and I had
not had anything more than a fumble under the sheets which had ended as soon as she was wetting up in what seemed like complete embarrassment on her side…I had only seen her completely naked by accident in the shower and despite a lot of very
passionate snogging, the only sexual contact we had was me kissing her superbly firm titties when the petting allowed…all in all no BJ, no shagging, not even a 5 knuckle shuffle from her….despite the passion we had not consummated our relationship,
which had cost my buddy Phil his £1000+ fees that he had paid to come to Thailand to find the girl of his dreams…just what was happening?

I had a long in depth discussion with my buddy Phil, the kind of meaningful talk that can only occur between 2 long time mates that understand each other in the way that we do and 10 minutes later and after our 5th or 6th beer Phil rather loudly concluded
“you’ve got to shag her – she’s cost me a grand!” this outburst being witnessed with apparent amusement by most of the punters in the beach bar where we were sat. “I’ve had a word with Nam about it and
she’s going to talk with Sammy”…Oh fuck!

It was now about 4 in the afternoon and to be honest me and Phil were getting quite drunk, the hours in the sea with the sun on our backs were catching up with us both as was the “chain drinking” of numerous bottles of Singha. The girls
had returned from a massage under the palms and we all decided to get cleaned up ready for the inevitable food assault that the girls had planned for after, so we set off for our rooms.

Refreshed and cleansed by the cool shower I lay on the bed watching MTV while Sammy was getting ready in the bathroom and in not more than a minute or two, I was in the land of nod.

I could feel the softness of her skin against mine as she lay next to me, her fingers stroking my sun burnt neck as she persuaded me turn onto my back. As she lay on top of me I could feel she had let the towel slip and was now naked. I opened
my eyes as she began to kiss me. Unlike before it was her taking the lead and as I lay there I realised this was what she had been waiting for, this is what she needed, to be the one taking control, taking things at her pace and waiting for the
right moment to begin our exploration of each others' passions. Everything was now perfect for her, she was relaxed after a long massage, she was confident with my 7 days of patience and abstinence, 7 days of mutually intoxicating company
and romantic gestures as well as not showing that I wanted only to bed her at the first opportunity (how I kept this from her I do not know), was I the guy to change things for her, was I the one? …This was Sammy’s time now as she lay
on top of me I saw a different look in her eyes as well as the usual sparkle there was this look of confidence there and a kind of smouldering, steaming melting passion that I have not experienced before. This sure was what she was ready for as
she slipped on my condom. What followed was simply two or three hours of lovemaking and to this day I believe it was lovemaking and not simply a good shagging session…you know the difference! This was not some pre-rehearsed routine of shower
and soap down followed by massage then a fumble then a BJ then missionary then she gets on top and wriggles her self into an orgasm before she lets you finish off from behind then minutes later asking for the room service menu…I believe this
was the real thing, I still today believe that this session with Sammy has been unequalled in any relations that happened in my following 8 years in Thailand.

Phil’s face was a picture when Sammy and I drifted into the restaurant, heavily sun burnt, his normally pasty complexion was now as red as a well smacked arse after our afternoon’s snorkelling. Leaning back in the bamboo chair,
a beer in raised hand, Phil in his normally loud tone saluted “Weh’heyyyyy!….the porn stars!”

He was smashed, not just drunk or tipsy….he was completely gone. The restaurant wasn’t too busy but it didn’t stop everyone from tuning into our developing drama.

“You could have closed the curtains”, he continued. “Those mosquito meshes are see through you know, everybody was stopping outside your room and looking in, I tried knocking your door but you weren’t having any of it and just
carried on banging away” (I thought it was the room maid knocking)…Oh fuck!

“I don’t need to ask you if she was any good” Phil carried on, playing on my obvious embarrassment “3 ‘kin hours like a steam train you both were….fantastic!….Nong Krap, you got that Champagne on ice ready…They’re

Thankfully, despite Sammy’s pretty good English she didn’t really get the full gist of his ranting and we sat down and enjoyed the bubbly, then Sammy and Nam began the evening ritual of exploring the seafood and meats displayed at the restaurants
along the beach, looking for the best deal for the ensuing pig-out…Jeez they can eat!

I don’t think Phil and I welcomed the sticky heat of busy Bangkok on our return. Samet was pure bliss and now we were all back to the reality that was Bangkok. The girls seemed to have re-adjusted in an instant as they stopped at the
soup and noodle stand on soi 11 and ordered 2 big bowls as well as som dtam and gai yang from the other street vendors. They were happy again and on familiar turf and on this note Phil and I decided it was best for them to hit
the hair salons and shopping malls and we would meet up with them later on the evening so off we went, leaving them stuffing their beautiful faces on soi 11…(just how do they stay so slim???)

“Come on” said Phil, to the approval of the tuktuk tout “We’ve only got 2 more days, it’ll be something to tell the lads when we get home”

So there we were on the way to near Ratchada (?) on another adventure, 2 heavily sun burnt Farang in a tuktuk (oh how many times do you see this sight??)

To say the area looked dodgy was missing the plot somewhat but we stepped out of the tuktuk and the driver gestured us to follow him through a series of small alleys into a pool den and out of the back again, up some steps and eventually
we were knocking on a steel door…” I take you quick way” the driver said “If I take you front door, drive long way…I not rip-off driver”

The door opened and the site that greeted us beggared belief. Amidst all the filth, muck and crap of this less than normal Bangkok back street we had been escorted through, there lay behind this blue steel door this site that both Phil and I gasped in
disbelief…A Roman Spa! (Well the corridor and fire escape to a Roman Spa) and there were 2 stunning Thai ladies greeting us, dressed in kind of toga costumes, totally unexpected but this is Bangkok…expect anything.

The bar area was full of Japanese / Korean suits, all drinking and all sat with spectacular looking girls. We were taken to a small booth and my lady asked if I liked her or would like to see others, I gave her no particular answer and just ordered a
drink and asked her if she could introduce me to other ladies but she not leave me just yet…Phil in his usual kiddie in a sweet shop manner was already lying down on the marble bench being fed olives “mouth to mouth” from his hostess.
I had suki (my greeter) sat next to me feeding me nuts, fruit and olives and topping up my beer after every sip, she really was a treat “I have ladies come to see you soon, you can take any you like” she said, following with a long
sweet eye to eye. I had decided already.

We drank together for an hour or so and made our way to the “private” room.

“You want me to bring my friend” she said “she very beautiful”, Suki gestured to the mamasan and called the girls name, Mama just grinned and picked up the phone.

I really like jacuzzis and was so chuffed to see a big beauty of a bubbly bath in our room, everything ready for us laid around, Champagne in an ice bucket, fruit, candy, a beer fridge, condoms, baby oil, sex toys!…and a big bubbling Jacuzzi. Suki began
taking off my clothes and we then showered together again I do nothing other than enjoy, she soaped me down and scrubbed me spotless, then it was off to the tub where Suki’s friend Miao was waiting…just how she had slipped by without
me noticing I do not know! There I was sipping Champagne in a bubbling jacuzzi with a stunning Asian babe on each side, one kissing me while I kissed the other (in between the sips of champers) and one of them was giving my old fellow a good rub
down under the water…Just what will the guys back home make of this venture??

“Sit out of the tub” said Suki “I have surprise for you”.

On this command I sat up, feet still in the tub and Miao still at my side, Suki still in the tub but now with her head between my legs began dripping Champers onto my knob and licking it off greedily, not missing a drop….Bliss!

I’m not here to write a porno piece, so I’ll end on saying this. Ok, it cost Phil and I around 10 grand each, but bearing in mind this included 2 spectacular girls each (1 HK Chinese and the other a Thai ex model), drinks (we both hit the
bubbly) and the session had lasted around 3 hours…I think it was a great, unforgettable deal… In the following 8 years since I have never managed to find this place again.

So we head back to reception and our tuktuk driver is waiting there patiently “Have good time??” ….enough said….we head back to the Vit where our ladies are waiting in a Thai eatery near on Soi 5 “Where you go”
said Sammy. “Oh me and Phil just went to the leisure centre in the hotel and had a swim and a workout”…she looked at me so impressed….if only she knew!

The last 2 days were typical to most guys who find themselves here… Shopping, haircuts, shopping, hurriedly rushing around a few sights that you need to photograph to show your parents that you were not on a non stop orgy and that you did
actually get into the culture that you insisted was your main reason for coming to Thailand to experience (oh dear!)…and of course more shopping! Phil paid off Nam, taught her basic emailing, exchanged phone numbers and said bye byes, but what
was I to do.

I had Sammy my “mail order bride” who thought I was a guy who had come to Thailand , visited a dating agency and picked her with the intention of marrying and taking her back to live in the UK in eternal happiness. Just what was I to do,
I am to this day a soft touch and a bit of a push over with the women, but I really did like Sammy and I really believed she liked me. She had never asked me for money, though I did give her cash and treated her to a few pretty things along the
way. I had to admit, I was falling head over heals for her, there was only one thing for it.

“Sammy, I’m coming back to see you in 3 weeks” her eyes light up “Here’s some money to look after yourself until I get back”, giving her 30,000 baht “Go see your parents in Surin, I’ll call you every
day I’m away”…

Off to the airport with the tears and I believed the genuine sadness…and our dream holiday is soon over as we head back to the UK.

I went to Thailand for a holiday and found Sammy who I was falling for big time, Phil went for a £1000 Mail Order Bride and was now falling for his bargirl Nam again in quite a big way…WTF is happening here??


Stickman's thoughts:

Great story! Can't wait to read the next part!

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