A personal and truly angst free description of the typical Bar Girl / Prostitute / Hooker.
First, start by understanding that lying is first nature to people from this part of the world. It is considered to be the height of intelligent negotiation to deceive. This goes for everyone, not just bar girls. The better performing of these professional operators have 4-5 "sponsors" at any one time sending money from abroad between holiday trips back to Thailand, hence their nickname for them is "ATM walking".
An expat I know personally, taught English to one quite average looking girl from Isaan who was very proud to confide the fact to teacher that she was pulling $US5,000 per month from her stable of admirers. Given that her typically rice farmer family generate less than $US1,500 per year, she probably lost her virginity before she was 12 (14 is the legal age of consent if not 1st cousins) – you can easily see the motivation.
At the very top of the performance tree, one in Chiang Mai, exceptionally good looking, with well proportioned height and figure, speaking a better grade of "Thinglish", showing a measure of style and dressing very well can actually achieve this fiscal end without any boom-boom (that is screwing just in case you are really new to Thailand). Between lady drinks and a little later in the "courtship" requests to "please help me with this months rent"; "my Mother is sick", "please buy me a motorcycle / Honda Jazz / house" etc. she keeps her and her undercover husband’s dignity who maintains her as his minor wife and still reaches her financial goals. Chances are by the time the current unfulfilled sponsor is fed up, there is another two in tow.
I kid you not. If you think the sweet smiling, sparkling eyed girl you have just met in a
bar is any different to this, think again, take another un-inebriated look and…think again. Read my lips if they work in a bar, they are bargirls. There are no exceptions!
Pity the poor fool who ends up "marrying" one of these cash vacuum cleaners. Their home village will have a wonderful time at his sponsored "piss up" and it will do nothing to nullify or threaten her real marriage. Remember; this Land of Smiles is amongst the most xenophobic on earth.
Next comes the child. It is extremely rare, despite the amount of unprotected sex, to see a child of mixed parentage. Thai medical clinics and pharmacies are packed in the mornings with girls taking care of business.
It is the normal practice for a bar girl to get pregnant with their true Thai husband and present the offspring as 50% farang. The real father meanwhile is more than likely still in their home village masquerading to her beaming farang "husband" as (possibly truthfully), only a cousin and getting drunk every night at that sponsors' expense.
If she already has a child when you meet, and they have difficulty hiding this as they are notoriously prone to stretch marks, the father has either "run away" or been "killed in a motorcycle accident". The rest of her family will celebrate how clever and resourceful the girl has been in the completely acceptable position of a modern day concubine. In Thai society it is considered to be amongst the lowest of dishonourable conduct to bring up another man’s child, unless of course you are the grandfather.
One ironical twist is whilst the 4-5 farang "sponsors" are invariably older than the girl; her Thai boyfriend / husband / cousin will be a younger, good looking, well dressed, gold wearing, fake chopper motorcycle riding, massage parlour goer and local karaoke girl womaniser. Good luck to him!
The final irony is that the quality of her lovemaking is normally inversely proportional to just how sexy they are made up to look and perform in the bar. To put it bluntly the vast majority of them are "starfish" perhaps they perform differently with their real husbands, that I do not know.
Is there a smarter way to enjoy the wonderful lifestyle available in Thailand? Certainly, first learn to read, write and speak fluent Thai and don't forget Lao and other hill tribe dialects. You will receive a measure of respect for this and can then go cautiously about finding a useful life partner where you understand almost every word being said. Remember to only show a monthly income, do not let on if you are spending down your life savings, it will be gone in less than 18 months.
A much safer scenario is to live alone. Despite what you have been told, you can legally own a house and car in your own name. Enjoy yourself and use the variety of massage facilities from the very simple to the massive fishbowl complexes without strings attached, away from where you live. They have a set of bathing and massage routines that guarantee a well orchestrated sex session. This is how the well heeled Thai husbands get their jollies.
Don't give out your phone number or place of residence. If a bar girl calls you a "butterfly", smile sweetly and wear it with pride and without confrontation or angst, it means you are on to their game.
If you really can't sleep alone and need full-time female companionship there are service providers who will present you with a choice of girls anxious to complete a university or college course. They will offer you a variety of legal aged girls (18 is the age of consent if living with a farang) you make your choice from a very comprehensive group as long as you agree to house, feed and meet all her tuition costs. In return you can insist on her sexual loyalty. It also means you have a chance, although slim, to educate her in a more caring and less deceitful lifestyle. The added benefit to the girl is she will receive at least a casual introduction to English and you can brush up on your Thai. You can then proceed to live with dignity and in the Thai male style, still avail yourself of the massage and karaoke scenario without compromising your position.
One last horror story, but true. A wise German meets and marries an 18 year old girl. He judiciously guards his bank details for 16 years, until finally lets slip his details to his wife. She gains joint custody of the accounts. Her family come to where they live in Mae Sai and later his body is found floating downstream in the Mekong with a bullet in the head.
If this is advice is not for you, and you still believe you can have a worthwhile long-term or long distance relationship with a bar girl, carry on and try to enjoy yourself but in the words of NYPD Blue, "You be careful out there!"
Why guys gloat about their bank balance, I'll NEVER know.