A Few Thoughts
…it has been a while since my last submission (see through mirrors in a hotel at Sukhumvit) but I continue to be a frequent reader of your site and I enjoy it immensely. Thanks for your good work. Myself, your typical western guy, early 30s but looking mid 20s of course and frequently mistaken for a boy band member :-), have been to Thailand for the last 13 years, sometimes for month at a time …
This time I only want to share some of my thoughts to the many submissions that I have read and which have a recurring theme.
1. Western women are snobbish, cold blooded, fat, don’t like sex and are in general not too friendly towards men. Obviously I am exaggerating but this seems to be the consensus among writers on your site. Now, while I do love Thai women and think they have attractive features (although I prefer the Thai/Chinese white skin type) I have to disagree about western women. I think the problem lies in comparing grapes with raisins so to speak. Most guys are comparing Thai GIRLS with older and – 10+ years of marriage behind them – WOMEN. This is obviously not fair to western girls as they are in my opinion as beautiful, fit, caring, loving and sexy and sexually active as their Asian counterparts and sometimes more so. The older women (and men) get, the harder they are able to change, to adapt and to accommodate a new partner – in Asia and the West. Therefore relationships with older women will be more difficult than with a young girl. And yes, older women are more mature, self confident, educated than your average Thai bar girl. But is that really soooo bad? I have to wonder about you guys complaining all day …
2. I noticed that I have become increasingly suspicious toward my girlfriend (Thai/Chinese with a well off family) even though she has been exceptionally nice and faithful, as well as truthful for Thai standards over the years. So I am wondering whether reading all those submissions which are skewed heavily towards the negative spectrum are changing my (and yours) capacity for trust. Subsequently making our own relationships more difficult. Meaning once the seed of doubt and distrust is planted, you can see something in anything. And secondly, I am sure you could find a similar amount of stories about girls/women in the west as they are as unfaithful and willing to experiment – again young girls vs. older women. How can anybody expect a young, sexual active girl to be faithful to a guy she sees once a year?
3. Bargirls, Lies, Deceit, multiple sponsors, falling in love after a few hours, taking care, show affection and then are never seen again? Hundreds of mails center around those themes. Hundreds of men do not seem to understand the reason behind it, why it happens again and again, why it happened to them etc. Maybe I am oversimplifying but IT IS THEIR JOB. They earn more money by telling you what you want to hear. They secure a recurring income stream by having sponsors while at the same time minimizing exposure to STDs, they are saving face as well as trying not to hurt your feelings by not telling you the truth and by lying about the other guys. Frankly, I am sure most of you don’t want to know the whole truth about your holiday affair. So why you are blaming them? They do what YOU pay them to do, i.e. a good show. They try to minimize the friction and want YOU to have the best of times. Apparently they do a very good job at it, otherwise we would not come again and again each year in the millions. Clearly nobody on this planet goes to a girly bar to find a wife – so why are you? And why are you then surprised she does not mean it or it does not work out?
So STOP complaining about the rules of the game. They (the bargirls) did not invent them. They just try to win the game and maximize the price money they are getting, like every player in any game does if he is a rational human being. So see yourself for what you are (or rather should be) – a PLAYER in a game, where a lot of fun can be had but which can rarely change into a normal and healthy relationship. Stop complaining – just play HARDER! :-))
Cheers and Merry Christmas to everyone and a Happy New Year!
Interesting thoughts, especially the bit about damaging people's ability to trust.