Readers' Submissions

The Broken Man Repaired Part 2

  • Written by Phet
  • October 20th, 2004
  • 24 min read

If the departures lounge at Don Muang airport is considered the saddest place in the world, the arrivals hall must be one of the happiest. My old pal “P” was waiting to steer me through the taxi mafia and into a cab for the ride to my hotel. It was the month of June and it had been six months since my last (first) visit, which probably saved my sanity and began my love affair with LOS.

We arrived at the Nana hotel at 17.00 hours, I threw my case on the bed, shaved showered, changed into my drinking clothes and was in Sam’s bar on Soi Cowboy before 18.00. After eating some noodles to reacclimatize myself with the food, we enter the Tilac bar to a feeling of “coming home”. As I put myself outside my first Heineken I reflect that it was six months since I enjoyed the comfort of a woman (and two years since I had had an English woman).

At this point I should explain I am obviously not Brad Pitt, I have been described somewhere between Keith Chegwin and Frank Skinner. I am a well-preserved 48, only 5’ 6” tall but presentable, well educated, not overweight, with my own teeth and a good head of hair (albeit the colour is courtesy of “Just for men”). But like many guys who visit LOS, my charms appear lost on English woman. Volumes have been written on the adverse changes seen in the behaviour and attitudes of women in the west. The thing I have become most aware of is that in recent years I never get a smile from an English woman. I miss the smiles. I think many guys in my position would agree with me, I believe the smiles are the motivation for the long pilgrimage to Thailand almost as much as the sex.

Once settled in pole position in the bar, a delightful little creature joins me. I buy her a lady drink and she tells me she was newly arrived from Isaan. My intention was that she would take deposit of my six months abstinence. But my pal P informed me he had been grooming a more suitable candidate for the task and she would arrive shortly. When she arrived and I saw her, I bar fined her immediately although not wishing to appear too eager, we stayed in the bar for a further 20 minutes.

“T” was exquisite, 25 years old and as tall as me with a smile that would shame an American weathergirl. I took her back to the Nana Hotel and surprisingly she claimed never to have been there before (maybe it was a little downmarket for her regular clients?). I bought her a B52 in the bar and she was fascinated by the goings on she observed in and around the hotel lobby. A lesson I learnt on my last visit was the importance of food to a Thai girl, so even though I had bought food from a street vendor for her in Soi Cowboy less than 30 minutes ago, when we got to my room the first thing I did was let her order from room service. My consideration was amply rewarded later with a degree of enthusiasm you don’t always receive.

One of the great pleasures in life is to have breakfast at the Nana with a beautiful girl almost half your age watching the reaction of the other guys as they compare each other’s escorts. After an hour I saw T off and indulged myself in another simple pleasure, sitting alone in the Golden Bar overlooking Nana tai drinking coffee for an hour or so, watching the world go by, an activity I indulged in every day my first week.

Another lesson I learnt on my last visit was that a ready smile and pleasant demeanour go a long way when dealing with the Thais and can help you to make friends in the most unlikely situations. A lesson that seems lost on many of the farang I meet. I am ashamed of the antics of many of my fellow tourists who think it is acceptable to export the yob culture of bad manners and disgraceful behaviour wherever they go. Maybe I am an anachronism of a bygone age.

One of the waitresses in the Golden bar was an exceptionally good-looking girl in her early thirties. She would arrive every morning around 10.00 after English lessons, and most days I would engage her in conversation for about half an hour. She had been married to an English guy and had lived in the Midlands with him for a few years but had divorced him and recently returned. Her spoken English was excellent but she continued to study to improve her English sufficient to learn about computers. She was a bright intelligent girl and a pleasure to talk with.

Another little routine I had, every evening, on my way to Soi Cowboy, was to visit a little bar just around the corner from the Nana. The mamasan “L” is an attractive and well-presented woman in her forties with a pair of legs women half her age would die for. She is a very astute woman who could talk with intelligence on a variety of subjects. She could also give me an involuntary erection just by gentle touches and meaningful looks during conversation, a feat younger girls lack the subtlety to achieve.

I found I enjoyed the company of these interesting women more than that of the young gogo girls, much to the chagrin of my pals who felt any hour not spent in the “ogling dens” was an hour wasted. One evening when I remarked to L that the previous night I had slept alone she gave an illustration of her wit and sense of fun. She said she considered this appalling and suggested I return later, when she finished her shift, and she would take me to a hostess bar where the mamasan was her friend. She observed that the girls are the same as in the bars but wear prettier cocktail dresses. She further suggested that if I did not see a girl I liked She would sleep with me herself – no charge. I never availed myself of this offer as that night I met an old pal who had come down from the north to see me. We went on a real bender drinking a beer (or two) in EVERY bar in the Nana Plaza and I ended up in no condition to do anything but sleep.

The next evening after a pleasant meal in the excellent Bus Stop on Nana Tai, I end up in Soi Cowboy with a bunch of my elderly expat pals. My close pal P is in his 60s and has lived in Bangkok some 20 years but he and the rest of his pals can still sit in the Tilac or the Dollhouse EVERY night with no discernable loss of pleasure. He is the one you may see in there doing crossword puzzles. Although it is a favourite bar I did not want to sit in the Tilac that night, because being aware of the etiquette of these situations I felt it would be difficult to pull another girl with T there.

So I left the gang and explored the other bars. I ended up in the Long Gun, a place I like because they make some effort with the choreography, the girls actually dance, and there is a real attempt to entertain. I had my eye on one girl in particular thinking if she could move like that on a stage, what would she be like in the sack? I had bought her a lady drink when my mate P comes in to persuade me to return with him to the Tilac, I decline but over the next 20 minutes he returned no less than six times on the same quest. He is a good friend and very paternal to me so on the sixth attempt he convinces me that T has already gone off with a client so I grudgingly return with him.

Once ensconced, I renew my acquaintance with the “farm fresh” girl from the previous evening. I am getting comfortable and making plans to “off” her when T arrives and immediately lays claim to me. A slight altercation ensues (which is the first time I have had two girls argue over me in 20 years), “T” wins and I take her back to the Nana for a repeat engagement. I noticed a slight change in her attitude this time and an over familiarity, which led to her taking liberties and I felt I was being taken for granted. I have observed this prima donna behaviour with some gogo girls before, but it must be the same with beautiful girls all over the world so mai pen rai.

After breakfast we say our farewells and I catch the bus down to Pattaya for a few days. The object of my trip is football, the Euro championships, and the England France game in particular. With a late kick off that went beyond the bar closure time in Bangkok I knew the more relaxed licensing regime of Pattaya would afford the opportunity to watch the game.

I arrived in Pattaya and booked in at the Opey de Place, a modest but excellent little hotel I discovered on my previous visit. Although previously acquainted with Pattaya I felt intimidated on arrival so I caught a moped taxi down to Walking Street to the Irish bar, and eat the first farang meal I had all week to help compose myself. Refreshed I strolled down to the British bars in the Soi Post Office area to establish where best to watch the game the following evening. I renewed some acquaintances and was informed that a couple of Black Country lads had taken over a bar in the next soi, so I went to explore. The bar though small was busy, full of lads wearing the colours of my hometown team.

I introduced myself as a fellow baggie and was quickly welcomed into the fold. The owners of the bar were two smashing lads in their mid 20s and I spent an agreeable few hours drinking and talking football. They had some good-looking girls working the bar the cashier in particular caught my attention, a stunning creature in her mid 30s. But when I expressed my interest, I was informed by the one lad, G, that I stood no chance with her as she had a wealthy boyfriend and was not on the market. G also expounded to me the difficulties he was experiencing with the girls, how dim they were and how difficult it was to make them understand his instructions because of their poor grasp of English. I listened to him but reserved judgement. I have had 20 years experience of front line management in the hard-nosed world of manufacturing, so I think I understand people. After watching the proceedings in the bar for a few hours, I had formed a different opinion, but more of that later. Arrangements were made for the following evening and I returned to Walking Street for a few hours before returning to my hotel.

The France England game was a disappointing result but it was an enjoyable evening in the company of 20 odd football supporters (and their young girlfriends). I popped into Stringfellows, which is also owned by two Black Country lads and they had dressed the gogo dancers in England shirts for the day, which I felt was a nice touch. The atmosphere was great and the conversations descended to broad Black Country becoming indecipherable by the end of the evening. I eventually got back to my hotel at 06.00.

The next evening I went to the Dollhouse in Walking Street and was confronted by one of the sexiest sights I had seen all week. The mamasan (an impressive woman in her mid 30s) was dancing on the pole dressed in a dark blue knee length business suit and she could really move. She was far sexier (to me) than the lithe young things she was training (I wonder if there is a NVQ in gogo dancing?). I told the young girls sitting with me that I intended to barfine the mamasan which caused a great deal of mirth amongst them. Because the girls had found the idea of a man interested in an older woman so amusing, the mamasan was eventually introduced to me. She turned out to be a charming young lady and we sat talking for some time.

Now I think I may be starting to get a thing about mamasans, much to the distress of my Bangkok buddies who have told me they are all dragons to be avoided. I have not found this to be the case but there is time. However I digress.

During our conversation I explain to her that although I needed a woman, I did not want to take a girl back to my hotel room that evening because I was expecting a phone call from someone and if she heard another girl in the room she would probably not see me next week as planned. My mamasan friend suggested a short time hotel, and would select a girl for me.

Although a little disappointed she had not offered herself, I agreed and she wrote a note on a card and got the girl she had selected to guide me to a small hotel a few yards away. I gave the card to the receptionist, paid the few baht and plunged into my first experience of the short time hotel.

The girl she selected seemed a strange choice at first impression, very thin and angular with a pretty but slightly masculine face, but when stripped down I began to understand the choice. She had the prettiest little Jim <pussyStick> I have ever seen and when I inserted my member, I realised I may have discovered the Holy Grail – that mythical ladies thingamabob that we all spend a lifetime in search of. An exceptional muscle control bought proceedings to a premature conclusion and the thought occurred that I should have hired the room by the minute rather than the hour. As always, I offered to feed her but as her choice of cuisine was KFC I declined to join her and gave her the money instead.

I walked back to the bar I had been in the previous evening to find the place empty except for the cashier and another girl. In need of sustenance I sat at the bar, ordered a beer and engaged the girls in conversation. The one girl had no English, but, as I suspected, despite what her boss had said the cashier turned out to be very fluent in English and a bright girl.

I do not have a lot going for me in many areas (money, height, looks and size of penis) but I can be very entertaining and amusing, particularly when I have a captive audience. I am also a consummate flirt and have learnt how to talk sweet to Thai girls. A couple of hours fled by in the company of these two girls (they were bored and I offered an interesting distraction). The cashier confirmed what I suspected that she put on the dumb act in the presence of her boss because this was what many farang men seemed to expect from Thai girls and she did not want to disillusion him in his preconceptions. It also made life much easier. If expectations are not high, disappointment is more easily avoided.

She asked me why I had not chatted her up before and I told what G had said about her rich boyfriend. She was visibly annoyed and was quite indignant that she did not have a boyfriend rich or otherwise. She further explained that G had said this to me because he did not want me to barfine her since the bar was busy that night. What she said next quite surprised me ”You are a nice man, the friendliest man we have had in this bar all year. My friend here does not understand a word you have said all night but she wants to boom-boom your brains out ” In fact, she continued, “I would not mind sleeping with you myself- for nothing”.

Although reluctantly I could not accept their kind offer for the reasons mentioned earlier, the compliment was not wasted on me. To receive a compliment from an attractive woman is a rare thing these days. In the UK to have any woman not look at you as something unpleasant on her shoe is considered a triumph.

The next day I caught the bus back to Bangkok and booked in to an apartment near the Bumrungrad Hospital. This was where I had arranged to meet my special timeshare girlfriend N who was on her way down from her family home near Udon Thani. She was perhaps the principle reason for my visit (despite my other activities in the proceeding week). We had met in Pattaya on my previous visit and I had brought her back to Bangkok for the second week. I spent the most pleasurable time I had experienced in 20 years. (See my previous submission the broken man is repaired). After a painful divorce she was responsible for repairing my spirit and restoring my soul. Since then we had kept in touch through daily emails, frequent phone texts and weekly phone calls. She has never asked me for money or made any demands. She is in her 30’s, a little on the plump side and although not conventionally beautiful I would not exchange her for all the willowy gogo dancers in Nana or Cowboy (much to the exasperation of my Bangkok pals who can not fully understand my infatuation with her). She is affectionate, perceptive, and highly intelligent with a wicked sense of humour. She is also on occasions enigmatic and as infuriating as only a Thai girl can be.

After Christmas she left Pattaya initially to work in the family business for a few weeks before starting an office job in a town near Bangkok. It was only when I informed her I was returning in June that she came clean about her relationship with the owner of the company she worked for, and that he was supporting her financially. In return for a monthly allowance she looks after his business interests and his other needs on his visits to Thailand. Although she had been instructed to break all contact with me, she obviously did not. When I ask her why she still maintained communication with me, her answer was ”you make me smile all the time”.

I am a little too long in the tooth to worry unduly about sharing a girl. I imagine this situation is quite common. I do not claim to understand her attraction for me, or what her motivation is. My pals talk of the long game, and I have heard most of the horror stories but it is not inconceivable that she just likes me and there is no ulterior motive other than friendship and the search for sanuk. Although at times the arrangement is a roller coaster for the emotions, it costs me nothing financially and I even joke with her about being her pua noi <minor husbandStick>. She often teases me that I am “keeneow the most” but never asks me for money and gets extremely offended on the (rare) occasion I raise the subject. I suppose I am naturally tight fisted but I have never been able to get my head around this farang tradition of sponsoring Thai girls, N knows it is a club I will never join.

When she turned up at the apartment and I saw her smile, any doubts I had of the wisdom of the situation evaporated. I had intended to do the romantic thing, sit and talk with her, take her for a meal, some music then later that evening a little gentle lovemaking. N apparently had different ideas and practically ripped my clothes off me as soon as she was through the door.

Now I am no great shakes as a lover, as my ex wife will testify to anyone who will listen and even on occasions with the beautiful young girls in Thailand I have needed the assistance of the products of the pharmaceutical industry. But with N I have not had this problem and all week she made me feel like a 17 year old without the use of Kamagra.

Last visit she took me around all the tourist attractions such as the Royal palace, Wat Arun, Royal barges etc. but this time I was quite happy to spend the week on my elbows. I took great pleasure in the long intimate hours telling each other of our lives, filling in the gaps we hadn’t previously covered. She told me of all her men which was surprisingly only 5, which included me and her ex husband, but in fairness she had only worked in Pattaya for a couple of months. <There are only 5 fingers on one handStick>

She also answered an issue that had fascinated and puzzled me. One of the myths perpetuated by the old geezers of my acquaintance is the girls don’t like Thai men and prefer the older farang. “Whatever” as my teenage boys often exclaim. These girls are healthy young animals with physical needs that I am certain we old men do not come anywhere near fulfilling. It must be difficult for some of them to have a steady boyfriend. So what do they do when they want a proper seeing too from a young virile man? N provided the answer, if they do not have a boyfriend, when they have made enough money, they visit a bar boy to give them a good service. This is a fact many of my pals refuse to accept but it makes sense to me and in my mind clears up the conundrum.

Eating with N is always a great delight; I have never seen anyone enjoy food as she does. I often joke she could eat on the way to a restaurant and on the way back (and often did). The pleasure on her face when she is reading a menu is a sight to behold. One of the often discussed, inherent problems in relationships with Thai girls is communication (what to talk about when not in the sack) but with N this is never a problem. Her English improves at an alarming rate and her inquisitive mind ensures we are never short of a conversation. We went out some evenings with my ex-pat friends and their wives and N was always an asset in company, knowing how to deport herself and fit in whatever the social circumstance. We were often teased that we were like an old married couple.

If we were with P, even if his wife was with us, we would still end up in a Soi Cowboy-ogling den. My preferred venue (at least when with N) was the Country Road bar. Although not to everyone’s taste (it must be the only place on earth you can still hear “Yellow river” and “Have you ever seen the rain” being played) but I found it a very friendly and relaxing place. I would get up and sing with the band at every opportunity much to N’s professed embarrassment although I think she relished the thought of her ding-dong farang sweetheart singing to her in public. For sure my pals could not see the attraction, but I considered it a more appropriate venue for entertaining your teeruk than an ogling den.

Every night we were in Country Road I witnessed an event, which never failed to entertain. At the same time every evening a shady character would enter the bar with about 20 huge bodyguards. They would clear the bottom end of the bar of patrons whilst shady character would open a large briefcase and count obscene amounts of money from it. After five minutes shady character would depart with his money and entourage and the music would continue as if nothing had happened. One day someone will explain to me what it is all about.

At the end of the week I reluctantly leave the LOS. N would not come to the airport to see me this time claiming it was too tearful for her. Since my return to the UK we have continued our contact and this has helped keep my sanity in the gloom that is life in the UK today. Although she professes a great fondness for me, I am unsure what the future of our relationship will be. It is clear that she has a deep affection for her other man, he is rich and considerate to her but is happily married and I think she recognises the prospects are limited. I have considered bringing her back to the UK but although she professes interest on the occasions I suggest it, I think deep down she has no great enthusiasm for or intention of leaving Thailand for me. It would be like taking the flower from the garden. But even if circumstances prevent our relationship developing and I recognise the magnitude of the obstacles involved, I have no doubt we will remain good friends for a long time, if not a lifetime. So I enjoy the moment while it lasts.

In the true tradition of all who write a submission for Stickman I feel I should make a few observations. I apologise if I am unfashionably positive. I think most of the problems many tourists claim to experience in Thailand is of their own making. I have already mentioned the rude and boorish behaviour I see from many tourists who are surprised when they receive back what they give out. Scams and the desire for a quick buck are not exclusive to Thailand. I see more criminal intent and general dishonesty on a daily basis in the western world and that’s only in the world of business.

I have also noticed the behaviour of some expats leaves a lot to be desired. They have been resident for some time and should know better. In particular is the dismissive manner they express towards the Thai people they come into contact with, it is as if they have ceased to see them as people.

Perhaps as a “Johnny come lately” I am not considered qualified to make comments but other than very minor inconveniences (that don’t really matter in the scheme of things) I have not experienced any major problems in my dealings with the Thai people. In general I have found a ready smile and a little respect is always reciprocated. I make an exception of the baht bus drivers in Pattaya who in my opinion are thieving swine who should all be smitten by terminal haemorrhoids.

It is accepted that money is the principle motivator with farang / Thai relationships but I still believe a little courtesy and good manners and are not necessarily the sign of weakness that will be exploited at the first opportunity.

However I certainly don’t mean throw money around as this only serves to spoil the market. A little common sense and awareness is all that is required.

I strongly believe the Thailand experience for guys like me is not just about sex it is about the affection and attention we receive that we certainly don’t get from women in the western world. I acknowledge that I am considered a sad old tosser that has to travel to the other side of the world for female attention. Maybe one day I will find what I am looking for in the west but forgive me if I don’t hold my breath waiting.

I worry that the place has only a few more good years left before the barbarians ruin it by eroding the goodwill and the Thai Government achieve their aim of sanitising all the joy from the place. I also think it is wasted on the younger men who come here, they should stay in Ibiza or Majorca for their vacations, pull the young English girls I have no chance of pulling, and leave Thailand to us.

It has now been almost 4 months since my last visit, I have my air ticket with Thai Airways, the Nana hotel is booked, I have 10 days supply of Kamagra, I have applied the “just for men" to my hair, I have shaved my genitals and I am on my way home to the only place.

Stickman's thoughts:

At first I thought, oh no, this goes into the "declined pile", but in the end it was an enjoyable read.