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Thai Trip Part 1

  • Written by Aussie Ian
  • October 11th, 2004
  • 5 min read


There can be absolutely no doubt about it. Thailand, the Land of Smiles has changed, is changing and will continue to change. The naughty nightlife is but one part of the change that seems to me at least to be gathering a pace. As the Kingdom nears first world status, and some would argue it’s there already, the inevitable will happen. The cost of living will increase and people's attitude will change, as they have over the past 10 to 15 years. More and more it seems the authorities are trying to drive out of town the naughty nightlife of the capital and I would not be surprised to see it all move to that seaside town to the east.

In my humble opinion, there is still no place for value for money like Pattaya. Sure it’s a fast paced, traffic choked mini metropolis that holds little value for mum dad and the kids looking for a relaxing, scenic filled holiday set in idyllic surroundings. That certainly is not Pattaya, but then again, it does not pretend to be that. It does remain though simply the best value for money of any of the major tourist or traveler destinations in Thailand.

I rented a hotel room in south Pattaya Soi 13 and did so because it represented great value. At 990 baht a night, with a giant double bed, {very important for bedroom Olympic training} fridge, large flat screen TV, spacious, air-con, big bathroom, friendly staff and all the usual mod cons, it would have been at least 1,500 baht perhaps more in Bangkok and more like 2,000 baht in Phuket or Samui.

Although one of the maids lost my $80 shirt {that will teach me to take good shirts to Thailand} the entire experience at the hotel was great. Great people, no problem with guests, cleaned everyday and just great all round. I simply just could not make the girl repay the debt on the shirt. Jesus – I am sure it would be about a month’s wages for the poor girl.

In the same street are a number of other hotels and some apartments, serviced I think, and they all looked ok for what they were. The location though is the clincher. About an 80 meter walk to Beach Rd, and about 100 meters to my favorite bar, day or night time, Tahitian Queen. Now some of the girls as is inevitable have left and some others are being “looked after” by friends {male} which means you see them from time to time in the bar, catching up with their buddies but in civvies and definitely not available for extra curricular activity. SHAME!

Notwithstanding this, there are still plenty of girls to go around. Many of these girls have had babies and it shows. One thing I must say is that I am not too fond about are those stretch marks. Some of the girls however show little sign of having passed a jowie or two but others clearly have and it is not a pretty site. But there you are. I asked one girl, from another bar if she has a baby and she replied “no”. When I got her back to the room the tell tale signs were there for all to see. I asked, “You tell me you no have baby” with that she replied “I tell you true. I no have baby. Baby die!” Oh shit. I just said sorry and never mind darling my snake needs attention but be careful as it spits from time to time. Actually, the snake story is one of my favorite and I tell the girls who insist on feeling me up around the groin region that my snake is asleep and be careful because if you wake it up it will get very angry and will spit at you. This often meets with howls of laughter with all and sundry making the shape of a snake with their arms, waving in the air like some mesmerized snake charmers serpent.

Most of those who have been visiting the Land of Smiles for some time will tell you “just don’t take it all too seriously”. Have fun. Laugh with the girls. Humor in Thailand is everyone’s want and if you like to joke a lot, you will enjoy yourself…..too mutt! Having said that, there are the girls who are very mercenary and are simply in it for the cash. No fun at all. Get one of them in your room and often you can not get them out soon enough. I have come to the conclusion that if you want to pull an 18 year old stunner that is your every fantasy come true {perhaps you have a school uniform waiting in your room for her to try on} you are heading for disappointment. My experience is that 9 times out of 10; these girls will go through the motions and then get the hell out of there leaving you wondering why the hell you even bothered. But you must try to be sure and on this trip, I did not have one disappointment at all. In fact the first night I got absolutely hammered and woke up next to a girl, 22 that I did not even know I had barfined the night before. Nice girl. Came from Buriram. Very nice girl in fact as she could have taken everything from me including the cash from the wallet {about 1000 baht} whilst passed out and taken off as I was unconscious immediately after hitting the bed. Perhaps that is why she didn’t. I had told her it seems that I would give her 2,000 baht long time, so even if she did do the runner, all she would have got was 1,000 that was left in the wallet. There is a method in my madness! That was Bangkok and night one of a twenty eight day stay in the Kingdom.

More to come.

Stickman's thoughts:

The snake spits?