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Thai Thoughts And Anecdotes Part 63

  • Written by Dana
  • October 9th, 2004
  • 31 min read


Thai Thoughts And Anecdotes 63


Trip Report

Well guys I just got back from my semi-annual trip to LOS and I am still exhausted and enervated by the experience. I can hardly get my feet on the ground. I was going to post a trip report and then I decided not to. Too many other writing irons in the fire! Then I decided I would. In the meantime I was sending off long emails to friends. Finally I decided I wouldn't post a trip report because I was kinda emailed and storied out. Then the tidal wave of requests (one) decided the issue for me. So here is my trip report:

I had a great time. Nah, that's not right, I had a fantastic time. Nah, that's not right either. I had the best vacation in Thailand I have ever had and that is saying something. Some details:

Between my semi-annual little dinky vacations I spend a part of almost every day either reading about or writing about or researching or thinking about Thailand. So by the time it is time to get on the plane one more time I have a long list of things to do and adventures to have and people to meet. This all works if you nap once or twice a day that way you don't really need to waste too much time sleeping at night. I have found I can go about 8 days without solid REM sleep and still function. So anyway, I am not one of these vacationers who has relaxing vacations. But a blow by blow of every day would be tedious.

Rather than recount all of my tailor adventures, I'll mention just one. I had a Bangladesh tailor named Nasir in the Royal Garden Mall in Pattaya make up some pants out of fishscale print black leather. When I asked Nasir if he could make pants out of the material there was a long pause. What was the pause for? What did they normally use the material for motorcycle covers? Anyway, when completed I thought the pants looked fantastic. However, this week the black people in my office asked me if I had changed my name to Pimpdaddy and was I running a string of HO's. I guess fashion opinions can differ!

I was lucky enough to meet four people who I had met on the internet through the Stickmanbangkok site plus I had dinner with Stick at the Nana. I had asked Stick to not come up with a meeting place more than 1000 yards from the Nana hotel because if I get too far from the Mothership I start to get shaky and feel as if I am going to have to cross a border or something. The other four gentleman I met were kind of like blind dates. It was up and down. Two of them I hope will become long term friends. The others seemed a little subdued and maybe a little disappointed. I don't know what they expected but I am just a normal guy. In fact I am the measure by which all men are measured. I am thinking of changing my name from Dana to Normal. I got the feeling that these gentlemen expected me to be some kind of slobbering story telling deviate who would entertain them like a dancing bear in a circus. Well, at least I met two guys I could connect with and finally meeting Stickman was interesting.

I would like to go into detail regarding my health challenges and medical routines but even I am getting tired of hearing it so I guess we will just dance around that part of the vacation. Suffice it to say that early on I had to make some changes. My blood pressure / heart rate monitor was posting very high numbers and I could feel the steam engine in my chest so I stopped taking Cialis and Viagra at the same time, and I stopped the Nitric Oxide, and I stopped the Yohimbine, and I stopped taking the big blue pro-hormone pills, and I stopped the Testosterone patches. That left just Viagra in 25mg doses three times a day which worked fine. Stopping the other parts of the male performance supplementation program wasn't in the cards but the notion of my posterior myocardial infarction blowing out had little appeal. Nothing concentrates the mind like the thought of death.

I bought lots of gifts for office mates and had fun doing so but we really don't want to write / read 5000 words about that. I did have one charming experience though that I might have spent a lifetime in Thailand and never witnessed. I arrived at Robinson's department store just as they opened for the day. As the doors were opened and a few of us early birds went in I was stunned to see that all of the retail staff were lined up and waiing and smiling. Absolutely one of the most charming things you can imagine. Thailand the way we would all like to live it and remember it. If I ever have to pick anything up at Robinsons on future trips I will always get there just as they open the doors. Marvelous.

Spending time with the lounge lizards in the Nana was fun as usual. The repository of stories and information available from these guys is amazing. One of them has been coming to Thailand since 1964 he said he could remember when klong water was clean! These guys were very helpful to me more on that later.

Met a friend of a Thai friend here in the States. Her name was Laddawan and we spent an hour chatting in the lobby of the Landmark hotel. She was about 50, educated, very bright, bi-cultural (Thai and American), bi-lingual, and politically astute. It was a pleasure to meet a Thai woman who was not a bargirl. On a not quite tangential subject I noticed (or felt) that on this trip there was a lot less tension between me and the Thais. Everything was easier and more fun and friendlier. I can't quite figure this out but it was a nice change. Anyway, meeting Laddawan was a good experience because it helped keep the dream of Thailand alive for me. You really get awful tired of beating up on Thailand. You would like it to work. Anyway, that's what I would like.

Finally tracked down the Megabreaks pool room on the second floor in the Rajah complex on soi 4. It is now called Pro Pool. Since the name change the big new signs were not up yet but any bar on the first floor of the complex would be able to help me find them right? Nobody working in the bars within a stones throw of Pro Pool had every heard of them and I got the old Thais looking at me as if I have two heads' look. Finally found them ABOVE the last bar I had asked. Thailand. Anyway, it is a first class professional place with friendly knowledgeable staff and delicious air-conditioning. Nobody hustles you, the girls just do their jobs and stay out of the way, the manager was perfectly willing to give me some pointers, and beginners like me don't have to feel self-conscious. A much better place to spend some suffocating afternoon hours than sitting in those hot stupid open air bars next to the NEP or the Nana.

I made my bi-yearly day trip to Ko Lan for beach and boating and swimming activities but I have already written about that so I don't think I'll repeat myself. Getting away for the day is great and the water is clean. I had a run-in with a beach massage lady (these stupid beach touts are a drag) but that's just a part of the Third World (read: Stupid World) experience. If Thailand wants to market itself as a vacation destination the locals have to be taught not to harass the tourists. Enuf said.

Really made friends with the Internet rooms this trip. Was in the Internet rooms at least twice a day. A lot of fun. The rooms are like libraries where you can trust the patrons to act civilized, the rates are a non-issue to a vacationer, the girls are always cute and pretty (the girl at the Internet place next to J.P.Travel on soi 4 has absolutely stolen my heart), they are always air-conditioned so they represent a nice oasis experience from the city heat and noise, and it is fun to chat with friends. In one case I sat down and pulled up a message from a fellow who had just arrived in BKK. He gave me his afternoon schedule. I got up left immediately and walked over to Gulati tailors on Sukumvit Ave. There he was. A gentleman I had been chatting with on the internet for a year. Fun.

Checked out the Beer Garden on soi 7 for afternoon delights but it was much, much, much too hot inside. Only a pick-up place for me if I was in a hotel on the same street. There was a frisky girl there making eyes at me but I decided it was too much of a hot slog back to the Nana. I'm getting spoiled. I remember I had a friend in Texas who thought nothing of driving 4 hours for a date. I refuse to walk more than 200 feet. Thailand does that to you.

Had some money management troubles this trip. Tipped a girl in a bar 500 baht when I meant to tip her only 20 baht. I had been licking her pussy like a deer at a salt lick so I was a little disoriented. More on that later. I had a street pickup in Pattaya manage to steal 1000 baht from me. My fault. But in the overall scheme of things these were absorbable losses since the majority of my pickups were 300 baht freelancers in Pattaya. and no barfine. I had more love affairs this trip than any other trip I have ever made and spent substantially less money. God bless drug addled mentally unbalanced over the hill freelancers. I love you all.

I didn't see any trannies in Pattaya which was amazing. I didn't go in any bars looking for them but normally they cruise the boulevard and Walking Street. Not one. Vaporized. And there was a lot more police presence on Walking Street in Pattaya. I learned to duck behind posts and step into stores when I saw them coming. This is the first time traveling in Thailand that I had my passport on me at all times. This passport thing is a real inconvenience but I have been persuaded that it is a good idea to have it on me.

Hurt both of my knees and my back doing you know what'. Room 201 at the Julie Complex hotel on the quiet end of Walking Street in Pattaya has a fabulous sliding window view of the moon and the stars and the ocean directly below. You stand in the window with your arm around your naked teeruk and wonder how life could possibly get better. Then to the bed. The bed wasn't just hard, it felt like it was full of metal. More on this later.

Had a first time experience at a gay clientele hotel called Ambiance that is in the heart of BoyzTown. An email friend had turned me on to this hotel because of its great location. Getting back to the AA Hotel is kind of a slog and it is against the traffic so there is no 10 baht bus. The Ambiance is on the net and looked good so I decided to check it out:

Me: I am not Gay, I am Straight will that be a problem in this very fine hotel that caters to Gays?
Ambiance: No, not at all we support every kind of Love.

Me: If I meet Miss Right Now' and decided to share my life with her in this fine hotel will there be a guest' charge?
Ambiance: No sir! However, all guests must carry an ID card.

Me: What? Are you kidding? Almost none of the very fine examples of Thai femininity that I meet have ID cards especially the wonderful women I meet cruising the boardwalk. Virtually none of them have ID cards. How can this be so? I don't understand this rule.
Ambiance: Sorry Sir, that is our policy and we check all incoming guests for cards.

Obviously I didn't check in to the Ambiance hotel. Is this really their rule or were they just trying to screen out a Straight Guy? Who knows! Of course it beggars the imagination that anyone in this world would not want me but still I guess there is always a first time. Too bad–great location (and I love mirrors).

So anyway, I could go on and on and develop these little memories at length but that is not really what I want to talk about. What I really want to talk about was my love life this trip. We'll call this section: Mount Everest of Sex!

On the second day, as soon as my vital signs had quasi stabilized and I feared death less; I decided to stagger out of the Nana and see if I could find some bamboo skewer chicken. A couple of chicken breasts and a coke from the Mini-Mart was what was needed to start my vacation. Cruising down soi 4 who should I spy but Beer sitting on a plastic bucket. Now Beer (โLovelybeer' in her email address) is probably one of the most bone lazy piss poor freelancers in Thailand but we do have a history together and she is sweet. She can also be depended on to do one thing well. Hell, I'm not going to marry the woman so goodbye chicken and coke "Hello Beer!" We do a U-turn and go back to the Nana. Minutes later, sitting on the end of the bed naked she says (in very good English)

"Dana, you do everything right except one thing."
"Really" I say. "What is that?"
"You are a Cheap Charley!"

Now minutes before, this numbskull was sitting on a big white plastic bucket staring at an uncertain future and now she is in the company of man she knows and trusts with a wallet full of money. Can you say STUPID? I gather up her clothes, get down on my knees and put on her shoes, put her feet through her underpants, and dress her. One minute max and she is pushed out the door. Now if you are wondering about the wisdom of pushing a naked woman out of your room clearly you have never been to Thailand. A dog in a kennel doesn't have to worry about where his next flea is coming from. A little time for regrouping and dressing and then I decide to revisit the idea of chicken breasts and a coke. Turning down a naked woman has made me famished. Halfway down the carpark outside the hotel who should I spy but Boom-Boom (Yes, that is her name). She is a little past her prime and her brain is no longer reliable but in her time she was the most voluptuous woman in all of Thailand with a figure that you would only see in a Japanese comic book. And a beautiful heartstopping sexy face. Her appearance has probably been her curse. But it is matched by an attitude towards sex that can not be improved. She can't say "No" and she won't say "No" to anything. She is my dream girl from the past. Up to the room and it is like old times. Except I can't finish (if you know what I mean) and we are consummating our love doing Ow-Ow (Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 30 Thai Newbie Primer). I am perfectly willing to drill for oil for hours with my Viagra addled equipment but finally she gives in and gives me a freebie. No charge because I couldn't finish. What a gal. This sounds like a day but the main event is to come hopefully. A couple of trips back I had met and fallen hard for a woman who works at the NEP across the street. I have spent the last six months thinking of her. The plan is to spend my vacation in BKK doing long time' with her every night (I am besotted with this sexual athlete), and spend the days just putzing around. I will go across the street tonight and try to find her. The chances of running into her are slim and the chances that she will remember me are slimmer. In the last six months how many men has she bonked and how many men has she chatted up and how many men have groped her? You do the math it depresses me! Anyway, I am pinning all of my vacation hopes on meeting this woman again.

Later that night I skip across soi 4 to the Nana Entertainment Plaza, cruise all the bars as a prelude; and then head for her bar. She is standing outside acting as a doorgirl. I can't believe my luck. I nearly fall down as my knees go weak. And I am stunned. I hadn't taken any pictures last time we had been together and I am not prepared for how cute and sexy she is. She is devastatingly cute and bouncy and fun: long legs dropping out of a short skirt ending in tiny feet and sexy heels, and a little girl bra that I know is holding back big perfect cones. I whip out the 600 baht barfine (Who is the Cheap Charlie now?) and off we go. In the room at the Nana it is like old easy times between longtime lovers. She remembers me and she remembers the time we spent together and she is an enthusiastic fuck bunny athlete who beats me to the bed. Jesus Mary and Joseph I can't believe my luck. I am absolutely loopy over this piece of sex candy and now I have her in my arms and I am going to get to spend the whole vacation with her. If you looked up Happiest Man in the World in the dictionary there would be a picture of me. What could possibly go wrong? Well remember this is Thailand.

After some shower play and some simply jaw dropping preface lovemaking it is time to get to the main event. I have stopped laughing and crying with happiness as she has told me about her Mickey Mouse T-shirt and about how it is part of a set of five Mickey Mouse T-shirts mind you she has been going on and on about these Mickey Mouse T-shirts while she is naked and athletic; but now it is time for the main event. As I ease into position to fly the plane into the hanger (if you know what I mean) or to deliver the mail to the mailbox (if you know what I mean); suddenly her bee sting lips say a two syllable word that she has never used before. I am not going to mention the word but it starts with c' and ends with m'. Well, it was like a portcullis slamming down on the entrance to a medieval castle entrance (the sweetest tasting medieval castle entrance in Thailand I might add). This two syllable word is not part of my playbook. Suddenly a vacation of nightly lovemaking sessions with a woman I worship has been reduced to short times'. Without the sexual main event there is only so much you can do before your tongue goes into paralysis or she gets lockjaw. So once again I am reduced to dressing her and seeing her on her way.

Well, it has been an interesting second day in Thailand. I have thrown a naked woman out of my room, gotten a freebie from an old friend, and held in my arms a woman that for sexuality simply can't be beat. But there is a fly in the ointment. I can't spend the whole vacation waiting around all day to have a short time with Miss Mickey Mouse T-shirt. A man needs more than a lick and a kiss. It is time for Plan B. So I decide to go downstairs and chat up the lounge lizards.

Me: Guys, I can't tell stories that go back as far as you guys but I do remember when the girls across the street at the NEP were bouncy and fun and petite and smiling. Now they are big and tall and clunky and awkward and unsmiling. And the successful bars such as the Rainbow bars and the Angelwitch bar are so successful that they are no longer any use to me as places to meet women because they are so jammed and so noisy that I can't even chat a nice woman up. So what am I to do? Where should I go?

Lounge Lizards: Go south son, go south. The whole scene is shifting south to Pattaya. Many of the country girls who are making this a career choice are bypassing Bangkok entirely and are going right to Pattaya.

Me: Pattaya hasn't been so great in the recent past.
Lounge Lizards: It is now mate! Got a cigarette?

Well, at 12:30 pm the next day Bell Travel dropped me off at soi 13 in Pattaya and I was stunned. Flabbergasted. There were tons and tons and tons and tons of happy, young, petite, smiling, sexually interested girls. Like locusts sweeping from horizon to horizon blotting out the sun. And every single bar I went into on Walking Street had naked girls either dancing or walking around or doing acts' or sitting with clients. For you guys who have spent too much time hanging around Bangkok in the last couple of years staring at bikinis let me just remind you what the word naked' means. You have probably forgotten. It means that these sexually interested goddesses were not wearing any clothes. Remember? I thought I had been transported back in time. So I immediately rented out three hotels. I rented out the AA hotel on soi 13 for early morning pickups (the girls start filling the benches on the boardwalk at 7 AM as if there is a time clock on a palm tree). I rented out a room on soi 6 for afternoon delights. The Beach Road boulevard girls disappear during the mid day heat so soi 6 provides needed companionship. Looking for love is just a matter of timing and geography. And I rented out a room on Walking Street at the Julie Complex hotel for night time pole huggers. Juggling three sets of keys and three sets of documents was no problem but I could never figure out with accuracy where my stuff was: Where is my shaver? Where is my underwear? Where is my toothbrush? Actually for logistical and save my knees' reasons I also ended up renting out rooms at the Grand Hotel on soi 14 on Walking Street and at the White Inn ($10.00 / night) on soi 15. So I am running 5 hotels in about 8 days. Busy. The interesting thing was that if you took a girl to one hotel one night and then to a different hotel the next night she was convinced you were trying to hide the wife from her. Anyway, by the time I had accomplished all of this the first day in Pattaya I was dead dog tired and I thought too tired for mattress polo. But around 9:30pm I forced myself out of the Julie Complex on Walking Street. Now the Julie Complex is way down at the quiet end of Walking Street. So I told myself that I would walk up to the start of Walking Street and just cruise the bars all the way down the street on one side only. If I didn't fall in love by the time I got to the hotel I would just crash. No pressure. I've had sex before. No need to push. So I walked all the way up the start of Walking Street where the Beach Road traffic makes the left hand turn and walked into an open air bar and sat down. And looked up. Into the face of Nom. That was it. Game over. Checkmate. She wasn't the youngest woman or the cutest woman or the prettiest woman or the sexiest woman in the bar. She was dressed stone cold broke and there was no make-up. I don't think she got called out much. But I just knew. She was it. It was out of my hands. I immediately asked to barfine (200 baht) her. She seemed a little slow off the mark. I don't think men were all over her. Then when the light dawned and she realized I was serious and that I was a serious person her face lit up like the sun. Well, by the time we got back to room 201 in the Julie Complex hotel we were both in love. We had had our picture taken and bought flowers and she was carrying a new teddy bear. And her hips rose to meet mine. And again at 4 in the morning. The bed full of metal almost destroyed my knees but I didn't care. So think about this guys! I know of men who wait days or weeks or months (and shall we say years quietly) in their own countries to meet that special someone or that Miss Right Now'. How long did it take me to walk from the edge of the street to the barstool? Ten seconds? Thailand. Nom became the love of my life and my long time' companion for my time in Pattaya. Never thought of Miss Mickey Mouse T-shirt in BKK once. I would pick Nom up every night at 10:00pm and say goodbye to her every morning at 7:00am. She moved into the AA hotel with me. We went to dinner at the Hopf House restaurant, went to a tranny show at Alcazar, and I took her to Ko Lan for an all day beach and boating day. Heaven. Took 10 seconds to find her. Thailand.

The reason I saw Nom off at 7am every morning is that I was two (or three or four) timing her. Sue me. I'm a man. I can love more than one woman at once. Remember, I'm normal. Anyway, laying in the bed next to her in the morning at the AA hotel around 6:30 in the morning I would know that happy faces were streaming in to the boardwalk and starting to fill up the bench opposite the hotel. Names and faces that I knew. Names and faces that knew me. 300 baht wonders that were fun short times.

Finally the early morning sexual tension would be more than I could stand and I would roll out of bed at 6:45am and start staggering around the room gathering up Nom's clothes. Then whip back the sheet to expose her sleeping on her stomach, and start dressing her. Muttering the importance of getting to the Internet room (as if Stick was sending me an important message), I would have her dressed and out by 7:00am. Then it got comical. Standing on the corner of soi 13 and Beach Road saying goodbye and kissing and hugging and making statements of commitment and love would be a daily morning theater that the girls on the boulevard bench would watch. They wouldn't move a muscle. No helloing me or waving to me. No eye contact. Nothing. They were like mute disinterested statuary. Finally I would flag down a 10 baht bus and off Nom would go. As soon as the truck was down the street a safe distance the bench of girls on the boulevard would erupt into waving and helloing. Comical. Over I would run. And then it would be wonderful early morning contact with Poom or Fa or Daow or Nid or others Always an immediate short time' over by 8:30am and then sometimes another around 10:00am. Fast fun 300 baht trips to the temple of love. The perfect way to start the day. Sometimes instead of running right over I would wave and then walk down the street to the Explore internet room between soi 10 and soi 9. Early morning chatting with my friends and with the Internet girls was fun. Then on the way back I would stop in at the little Mini-Mart and load up on cartons of orange juice and donuts and weird Thai snack foods (question: How come so many Thai snack foods look like they were once testicles?). Back to my girls with the two sacks of breakfast loot. I would sit amongst them and pass out cartons of orange juice and food. One on my lap, my arms around two others, and one holding up a carton of juice to my lips. Early morning chatter and laughing. Easy. No pressure. Then a choice made and over to the hotel. Thailand. One morning walking down the boardwalk in my baggy beach pants with the black stripes and the turquoise elephants, silver jewelry halfway to my elbows, Indian tapestry white shirt, black Nike flip flops, flowers and necklaces around my neck while carrying two sacks of breakfast items towards my waving girls; I remember thinking that this is the Mount Everest of my sex life. The sky was clear, the water was beautiful, the palm trees were still in the early morning air, I could feel the warmth of the start of another beautiful day in Pattaya; and ahead of me was a bench of waving smiling sex. I would never be sexually more happy than I was right then.

So that was basically the start of my days in Pattaya. Heartfelt, heartwrenching goodbyes with Nom and then one or two love affairs by 11am. Then I'd go down to the Royal Garden Plaza Mall for a Bangkok Post and beef stew (a big plate for 60 baht). Swenson's for ice cream on the way back. A little regrouping at the AA Hotel and then a trip up soi 13 to catch the 10 baht bus to soi 6 for afternoon delights. Around 6pm I would transfer to either the Julie Complex or the Grand Inn or the White Inn in the Walking Street part of town in case I crashed into a lovely woman before picking up Nom again at 10am. I would cruise the pole hugger bars between about 7pm and 10pm and sometimes fall in love.

A word about the Go-Go bars of Walking Street this time around. In the past couple of years the Go-Go bars have been disappointing. Especially in the off season (I was there in September). This time it was as if someone threw a switch and everything was different. They were jammed and they were cranking and everyone was smiling and some of those everyone's were naked. The lineup of dancers at the Electric Blue bar was so outstanding that I went by every night just to watch. And every night I used to tip one of the dancers 100 baht just out of thankfulness. I also used to sit every night with the highline dancer / money earner (highest number of inter bar short times'). She was one of the most interesting women I have ever met. Not only was she gorgeous and sexy and feminine and fun; she was also whip smart and charming. Under different circumstances she could have been a cardiac surgeon, or the pilot of a 747, or a senator. But she was made for sex and she knew it. One night, sitting next to me naked; she let me put my hand between her legs. She was running like a river. Made for sex.

Another interesting bar was on the second floor about half-way down Walking Street on the right. Commercial real estate agents will tell you that in retail if the customer has to step up or down one step that you lose 50% of your traffic. So the owner of this bar had about 20 girls at the top of the stairs waving. It worked. Up I went. Inside it was a big room with a big stage in the middle and continuous shows. The shows were fun. I went every night. One show had girls dancing around in white dresses. Not too engaging I thought. Then they came out into the audience and put the dresses over your head. Naked and shaved underneath. That's the night I tipped a girl 500 baht instead of 20 baht. Had temporarily lost my mind (and almost my tongue).

The thing I liked about the bars on Walking Street was they hadn't forgotten what business they were in. They were in the business of selling sex. Not selling lady drinks. Not selling shows. Not selling big screen TV programs. Sex. Everyone knew what the game was and everyone was happy. Anyway, a couple of hours of this and I would or I would not meet someone special and then it would be time to go pick up Nom at her bar for the evening of love. Another wonderful day in Pattaya coming to a close. After effortless sexually satisfying days and nights Nom and I were fitting hand in glove I thought. Then the weird night. She comes to bed with the towel on. You know what I mean. The Thai women's towel that you can't get off with a crow bar and blasting caps. I don't say anything. To bed. No sex. OK, I've been down this road before. No problem. Next morning after paying for a night of inexplicable no sex I say La Gawn and Choke Dee and wave good-bye. Nothing lasts forever. I don't expect to ever see her again. Except this is Thailand. I hadn't gone to the bar that night to pick her up (Our affair was over remember?) and at 4am I get a call from the downstairs concierge that there is a woman here to see me. "What the fxxk?" No idea who it could be. It is Nom on the front steps of the hotel and she is crying. And then she is hanging on me and she is crying and carrying on. "I love you!" yadda, yadda, yadda, cry, sniffle, cry, "I love you." etc. Well, I know I have this effect on women but it seems a little over the top from a woman who 24 hours ago came to bed with the towel on. And bye the way, where has she been between the bar closing and 4am? I decide I don't want to know. I'm tired and it is my last day in Pattaya and I don't need any more sex and I am a little unsure what to do with this new thing. A soi dog lying in the street opens one eye and then closes it again. He's seen it before. The night concierge who is not exactly Captain Happy is staring at us out the window. An old crone shuffles by. I feel like I'm in a black and white Hollywood film from the 40's. My arms are around her and I am vainly enjoying the theater of the thing but I am still wavering. Then she whispers in my ear those magic words "I have sex with you no money!" BINGO JACKPOT WE HAVE A WINNER. Freebie number two and it is only my 10th day of vacation. That works out to 73 freebies in a year. 730 freebies in 10 years! At an average of 1500 baht per long time' that is a savings of 1,095,000 baht. In we go. And that is how my last day in Pattaya starts. Nom and I in each others arms until 6am then a return engagement with Fa from across the street, and then the 8:30am Bell Travel pickup to BKK. God bless Thailand and god bless the lounge lizards of the Nana hotel who told me to go south. I am going to buy the guy who asked for a cigarette a carton of cigarettes.

The final day in BKK was a return engagement with Boom-Boom out of the parking lot (I couldn't have dreamed it better) and then I picked up Miss Mickey Mouse T-shirt from across the street and she stayed with me until 2:30am when I had to carry my bags down to the lobby and check out for the early morning cab (cry) ride to the airport.

So Ends this Trip Report (and the best time I ever had in Thailand). I'll be back in March. I have to. I promised Miss Mickey Mouse T-shirt a pink Mickey Mouse watch (I wonder if they have Mickey Mouse condoms?), and I promised to take Nom to the Royal Garden Plaza Mall Ancient Photos store to have our picture taken, and I promised to buy Fa gold earrings. Hey, it's only 11 days. I did my best. See you in March.

Stickman's thoughts:

Great stuff!