Readers' Submissions

Pattaya And The Unexpected

  • Written by Anonymous
  • October 3rd, 2004
  • 4 min read


Language Barrier

By The British Football Fan



Around 2 years ago I'd split up with my girlfriend in the UK and was quite low. I decided that a fortnight in Thailand would cheer me up. I'd been five years before and as a Thai Boxing enthusiast spent my holiday in the gyms and at the stadiums. The only contact I'd had with the "nightlife" had been a wander down Patpong and at that point it hadn't really appealed to me.

For this trip I was travelling on quite a low budget and felt it would be wise to avoid prostitutes and save my "energies" for the backpacking European beauties somewhere like Koh Pha Ngan or Samui. I checked into my hotel in Bangers and then headed for a gym I knew. Training session over I returned to the hotel, showered, ate and headed for Lumpini Stadium. Singha beer in hand I found a good spot and soon got chatting to an English guy. The Singhas carried on flowing and as the fights drew to a close I suggested a few more bevvies. His reply indicated that we should head for Patpong. I agreed but as I was keen to avoid spending too much money steered my new found buddy towards a beer bar on the opposite side of Suriwong to Patpong and we settled in there.

The night drew on and we both became quite well oiled. Around midnight he made his excuses and headed off to his hotel (he said). I uttered those famous last words "I'll just have one more before I go". Anxious for a change of scene I headed over the road and up Patpong Soi 1. My logic was that I could just have a swift one in a gogo bar and look but not touch. I found my self a seat in Kiss (if my memory serves me correctly) and ordered my umpteenth Singha. I was soon the centre of attention… Now up to now I'd only previously spent 14 days in the land of smiles and my knowledge of the Lingo was limited. This is when my memory becomes a little vague. I was still keen to avoid parting with much money and as the beauties approached I fended them off with a polite "Mai ow"…

This happened a number of times and I seem to remember there having been a lot more than the final 1 Singha and there were plenty of "Mai ow"s being uttered as well. Obviously my speech became a little slurred…

I woke the next day in my hotel room with a top of the premiership hangover and still somewhat drunk. I had no recollection of getting home etc. I looked on the floor and anxious that I hadn't wasted my precious budget I reached over to my trousers on the floor and checked my wallet….

"Bollocks" (you can edit that if you want Stick) I'd spent about four days worth of cash. The wallet was totally empty..

I sat on the edge of the bed, head in hands cursing my stupidity and lack of self control.

"Well at least I've not spent it on a whore" I consoled myself, and turned round and eased my self back into the bed only to notice a lump about five foot four in height with long black hair….

There was absolutely no recollection of how she'd got there. I was stunned. I nudged her gently to wake her and when she turned round she greeted me with the words…. "Happy Happy Happy"

"Yes, very happy" I replied. "What is your name"?

"Maeow".

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry….

Once over the initial shock we started chatting we got on quite well and she took me to meet her friends she shared a flat with and took me back to there bar in Patpong (not Kiss incidentally) where she worked and I was treated as guest of honour.

We kept in touch and remained good friends for around eighteen months or so until one evening when I was in a similar to state to the night I'd first met her I tried to bar fine her best mate….

Hope you find that one interesting… A good title could be "Language Barrier" although I'll leave that one to you.

Stickman says:

These ones can go either way. While your story had what I would term a happy (or at least not bad) ending, getting hammered in The Land Of Smiles can result in one losing everything but the shirt off your back. Still, you had a good time ,and that is what counts.