A Tale Of Romance – Not Of Bargirls

First of all, I want to say thank you to Mr. Stick for hosting this very useful site and to all you people sending stories to this site, you have been a great help in preparing for my first trip to Thailand recently. Beware: this contribution is not about shagging anything that moves around in a skirt or dress and it is not ‘sapicy’ either. Plenty of others have covered that subject so if you are looking for similar tales, stop reading now. In case you decided to continue reading, here is my story:

Yes, I (too) am a (European) falang, in my forties and of average looks. No, I do not possess a pot-belly. No, I do not need a haircut frequently. Yes, I came to Thailand looking for love and no, not even once during my stay did I venture out into the bar girl scene. Simply because I am not interested. (thanks to the many hideous and amusing stories on this site, among others). Call me old fashioned if you like, that is up to you, dear reader.

A couple of months ago, the gorgeous girl that I have now met in real life and I started corresponding back and forth. Having meticulously checked as much (My physical appearance bears absolutely no resemblance to an ATM and I would very much dislike to be mistaken for one) as I possibly could, our correspondence intensified and we happily exchanged views, thoughts and feelings. And so came the big day that I would meet her.

There she was at the airport, together with her two daughters. She is 40 years old and looks simply great (big age differences are not my cup of tea, why anyone would get romantically involved with women young enough to pass as your cousin is beyond my comprehension, I would not do that in my own country –unless for the wrong reasons- and will not do so in Thailand). More importantly, as far as I can assess now, she has a great character too. She was genuinely happy to meet me, we had both looked forward to this day. As time progressed, so did our basis for mutual understanding, in so far as that is possible with our existing language barrier, her English is absolutely shitty and my Thai is virtually non-existent, but I am learning quickly. It takes patience in observation and the use of non-verbal faculties to communicate.

During our ramblings around the country more often than not other people were in our company. Being sensitive to what you can and can not do in public in Thailand is indeed a good virtue. Oh yes, I do love sex but this girl being of old fashioned, conservative and decent Thai upbringing also means that in private (fortunately, she had no problems staying with me in hotels) we have been taking one step at the time and believe me, she has, most certainly towards the end of our time together, very clearly demonstrated her growing affection for me as I have showed mine for her. Both in subtle ways and in not so subtle ways. But, no ‘bonking’….yet. (you wanted to know, right?).

Was I screened by her entourage? Definitely yes. Her kids, her friends, a trip to the village where her mother lives (where of course loads of other people including two of my girl’s sisters were present to check out the falang).

Did I get to pay for things? Oh yes. Dinners, lunches –also attended by others-, new flip-flops for her kids, a few pairs of new shoes, gasoline, getting her car repaired. Did I mind? No, I knew this would probably happen. Besides, in Thailand we can do a lot more with our money than in good old Europe. Did she ever ask me for money? No. Does she now want me to support her financially? No. She works for her money –as do I.

In short, from my point of view I have experienced an “East meets West, style Fifties and Sixties” type of romance and the beginnings of what could develop into a hopefully long lasting and loving relationship. And made my first trip to a country that in my far from developed expertise has a lot going for it. Not to mention the delicious food.

Do I have worries and concerns? Yes, several. To name just one, I will probably never fully understand the Thai way of thinking, but I will give it my best shot. Answers like ‘up to you’ and ‘my pen rai’ to questions I asked are the ones I hate most. I have experienced that it is indeed difficult to get a Thai women to convey her innermost thoughts to you. Hopefully patience pays off.

Do I want to get married to her? Oh yes, but not in a hurry, I would not do that in my country and will not do that in Thailand. We are both willing to put in whatever effort is necessary to make this work and I think that that is the right way to deal with it.

I still have many, many questions and as we progress, I hope to find the right answers.

For those readers who want to get seriously involved with a girl in Thailand I can only say –and recommend- that I am happy that in preparation I spent a great deal of time reading about Thailand and gathering information about Thai-falang relationships. It really pays off.

Being open-minded, sensitive and respectful to the fact that other than “Western” cultures are not necessarily “wrong” and can have many attractive elements about them that are just waiting to be discovered is in my opinion showing a positive attitude. I hope to return to Thailand for my second visit in December/January. Good luck to all of you and thank you for reading my contribution.

Stickman's thoughts:

Good luck!