The Thai Wife And Mountain Girl – Epilogue
The Thai Wife And The Mountain Girl
By Allen Roberts
Because of Stick’s comment to my original story, an explanation is necessary.
Did I fall in ‘love’ after only 2 days? No, bad choice of words! Me and The Mountain Girl came to a mutual agreement / understanding of our wants and needs. I needed companionship and she needed money. As simple as that! (At 66 I am not concerned about a day after day ‘sexual’ relationship). Peace, companionship and contentment are my only goals. She continually expresses and tells me how much in love she is with me!
Why would any 30-year old female want to live with and care for a ‘grouchy old fart’ like me? Let’s face facts, most of us ‘foreigners’ have MONEY – the one commodity that most of the young ladies in Thailand lack, and the rest of the world, want! Is she ‘really’ in love with me or the ‘money?’ I do not care about the money aspect as long as she meets ‘my goals’ (Peace, companionship and contentment). As a matter of fact the first week we met I deposited 100,000 baht into her bank account. The money is still there 2 years later. If she wanted to leave me she could have done so at any time she desired.
Two years into the relationship we do have a lot of affection for each other and a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction between us. Are we 100% devoted to each other? No, not yet, but maybe, someday, we can be! Sure, we tell each other that we ‘love’ each other but it is just a term of endearment. I am comfortable living with her as she seems to be with me.
Over the months me and The Mountain Girl had, on several occasions, considered leaving each other (money – she wanted more) and moving to the ‘big city’ where, in my case, I would probably pay 10,000 – 20,000 a month for rent, another 15,000 – 20,000 for ‘entertainment’ running from bar to bar every other night picking up a girl to take home and worrying about what STDs I would be picking up, higher utility costs, higher food costs, etc. I gave up ‘drinking’ back in 1986 and have no desire to go back to that miserable lifestyle again. In Mountain Girl’s case, (remember she has 100,000 in cash) I provided her with a list of things she would be giving up if she were to move to Bangkok.
Today, I pay approximately 12,000 per month for ‘companionship’, 1,500 (Yes! 1,500 Baht) for a 2 bedroom, air-conditioned, house, 1,000 food, 1,000 eating out, etc. In other words, it costs me very little to live comfortably. But giving it all away just because someone asks for it is not in the cards!’
So, Did ‘The Mountain Girl’ stay with me? As you can guess – Yes. After explaining to her what she would be giving up if she left, she reconsidered. What would she have given up – A steady income; Not having to auction her body every night in some bar; Her son and mother being cared for; Not having to worry about where her next meal would come from; Not having to worry about STDs, Purchase clothes whenever she desires, etc.
And, the most important one – MONEY – she would be giving up several million Thai baht. After ‘I am no longer on this earth’ she would get it all! This has all been arranged with my Thai bank. I have nobody to leave my assets to except ‘The Mountain Girl.’ While I am living she will get what she has been getting – a monthly income – no more. If she were to leave me she would get nothing – she ends up losing! As for building a home, that has been placed on the ‘back burner’ for at least 2 years. She has agreed to my terms. As for ‘my assets’ – they are protected. If I do not die from Accidental or Natural Causes, verifiable by 2 of my very reliable ‘Farang’ friends, and a Death Certificate stating the same – she gets nothing (the money would go to several charities in the USA). Even suggesting that she would hire a ‘hit-man’ to do away with me, or do a slow poisoning, is completely out of the question! I have complete faith in her to know that she would not contemplate doing anything to harm me.
OK! What if she is only staying for the money? For the past 2 years she knew nothing about my assets so if her actions change in any way, I will know the answer. It is my belief that if she was just staying for the money she would have left by now. Remember, I gave her 100,000 baht the 1st week.
I have no ‘Marriage Certificate’ so either one of us can ‘just up and leave’ at any time. Further, prior to moving in with me The Mountain Girl knew nothing about taking care of herself or her son. She has learned to cook, clean house, wash clothes and dishes, save money, etc. None of these things could she do when we first met. She started her profession at the age of 18 and is now 30. For those 10 years she lived in one room, moving from one town after another, and usually with another female, and always had someone else to do the washing, cooking, etc.
In closing, I married a Thai in 1968 after knowing her for 1 week and we managed to stay together for 35 years! Many, too many, of those years were not happy years. She left me after selling our home in the USA to her son, throwing away over $80,000 dollars in equity in the process. Then she (several years younger than me) found someone else to make her happy in the USA. So, me having nothing left, according to her (Ha!), I decided to remain in Thailand. I like the lifestyle and I am very comfortable with my life today. So starting a new relationship after only 2 days is not anything for me to be concerned about. If it does not work out, so what. I am only interested in a peaceful coexistence with someone that cares for me and can provide the companionship I desire. Is this asking for too much?
What is the point to this story? There are good, honest ‘bar-girls’ in Thailand that are tired of jumping into one hotel bed after another, afraid of getting STDs or HIV, may have a child or two to support, are getting older, are NOT die-hard prostitutes, are looking for someone that will truly care for them, etc. These girls want a long term, secure relationship – NOT a relationship that involves travel/vacation every 6-months by a ‘lover’ that may be here today and gone tomorrow. Most of these girls DO NOT want the proverbial house and land, but are quite satisfied with MONEY – and it does not have to be a lot. They are also willing to live wherever you want to live.
Where most ‘Farang’ fall into their trap is when their new found ‘friend’ insists on ‘the rules!’ YOU are the ATM – YOU lay down the rules. Make sure that the list of rules includes NO Gambling. The bar-girls love to gamble and will go through money like it is water. If they cannot live by those rules, go elsewhere.
I have considered myself a pretty good judge of character traits after only an hour or two of conversation with an individual, sometimes, far less time! In ‘The Mountain Girls’ case I was convinced that she truly was tired of her lifestyle and wanted to settle with someone that would care for her and her son. It did not happen in a month or two, but took several months before she started to feel comfortable with me and I with her. I also gave her the 100,000 baht as a ‘test’ of her truthfulness and honesty. She learned that I was not the type of person that would ‘butterfly’ on her. If there is one thing that these girls hate the most it is men that will ‘sleep with any women at the drop of a hat!’ If you are this type of person, do not even think about a long term relationship. These girls do not like to see their ‘mates’ talking with other women unless they, themselves, are in on the conversation – they are ‘extremely’ jealous! Can you blame them – ‘Think’ – What are their backgrounds? I have talked with many, many bar-girls in my ‘friends’ presents and they all relate the same thoughts. They DO NOT want to be taken advantage of. By the same token YOU do not want to be taken advantage of, either. So, a signed, list of rules (in Thai) is the only way to get started and if YOU or HER break the rules then accept the consequences. And most important, get her away from her former profession – place of employment. Go to another town to live – it does not (preferably not) have to be her town or village. Take the pressure off her of wanting to go back to her former job. In a new town she will not know anyone, which is what YOU want. And it will be a lot cheaper in the long run.
Everyone has a different idea when it comes to money. My belief is this – These ‘bar-girls’ work 30 days a month, with 2 days off during their ‘cycle, and make anywhere from 10,000 to 30,000 baht per month. If you are willing to pay
the girl, to start, 10,000 per month plus house/apartment rental, food, clothing (not a lot), a ‘1-baht gold necklace’ (in-expensive) for her birthday or some other occasion, DO NOT butter-fly’, DO NOT talk to other women,
etc. you should have no problems. BUT you and SHE must be in a position to live with her 24/7! Anything less and YOU and SHE will have many problems. OK! You say 10,000 baht per month is too much money to pay for a girl. If it is then you do not
need to be in a relationship with ‘any’ women. 500 baht per day is reasonable and she does not have to use ‘1-baht’ of that money – it is hers’. SHE pays for what SHE wants. YOU will be paying for everything
else, rent, food, utilities, phone, etc.
To put the above into perspective I have formulated several scenarios that I have gathered from my own experience plus experiences of other Farang friends and Thai girls.
Scenario #1: SHE: We have been together for (3 – 6 months) and my parents / friends / busy-body-neighbors want to know why you have not given me a million baht? YOU: Well, honey (tee-lark) when you were working and then decided to live with me did you have ‘any’ money? You worked for (?) years and did not buy any land or build a house, etc.? Did you like working in the bar and would you like to go back there to work? SHE: But if you love me, you can give me the money? YOU: No. I will not give you the money now but maybe in 2-3 years, if you love me and stay with me I can give you some more money. SHE: You do not love me. If you did you would give me the money now. YOU: Well dear, if you feel that way and you do not want to live with me then you can leave at anytime. You are not in jail and I am not your guard, you are free to leave at anytime. If you do stay with me you will get the same money that I am giving to you now – no more. Remember: Money is usually their only motive to wanting to live with us. If THEY think they can ‘squeeze’ us for more they will do it. It is your money so you must decide if it is worth parting with it.
Scenario #2: SHE: Again, ‘Honey’ we have been together a long time (to them a long time could be a month) when are you going to buy me some land and build me a house? YOU: Well ‘tee-lark’ I do not have enough money right now to buy land and build a house but if you love me and wait at least 3 years I can probably get the land and house for you? SHE: That is too long to wait. I want the land and house, now. YOU: SAME AS ABOVE: Well dear, if you feel that way and you do not want to stay with me then you can leave at anytime. You are not in jail and I am not your guard, you free to leave at anytime. If you do stay with me you will get the same money that I am giving to you now – no more. And if you want land and a house you will just have to wait 3 years. Remember: The girls will try anything to get you to part with your money. BUT – AND THIS IS IMPORTANT: If you do decide to give in and buy the land and build a house, please remember this. As soon as the land is purchased – YOU MUST get the ‘owner’ of the land (Your ‘Friend / Spouse / Family / etc) to sign a Land Lease in your name and register the land at the Ampur (District Land Office) in YOUR name BEFORE YOU consider building anything on the land. Make absolutely sure that the Land Lease (30-30 years) states that whatever YOU build/put on the land will belong to you and can be disposed of at your whim.
Scenario #3: SHE: ‘Tee-lark’ I want you to buy me a car (either for herself OR her family). YOU: Well ‘tee-lark’ I do not have enough money right now to buy a car / truck but if you love me and wait at least ?-years I can probably get the car for you? OR YOU: If YOU have the money and want to buy a car / truck THIS IS IMPORTANT: YOU can, IF paying cash, purchase a car / truck in YOUR name and register it in YOUR name. Do Not under any circumstance purchase a vehicle in HER or the family’s name. There are some dealers that will tell you that you cannot purchase a vehicle and register the vehicle in your name. If they tell you this, go to another dealer. YOU CAN register a vehicle in your name EVEN if you are only on a ‘Tourist Visa’. The Government wants YOUR money and do not care what they have to do to get it. Sound familiar! The process is very simple and the dealer will take care of all paperwork processing. Do Not let them tell you that you have to do the processing yourself. YOU: But what do I do with the vehicle when I am not in Thailand? DO NOT under any circumstance leave it with your ‘girl-friend’ or her family. There may be some Farang friends that you could leave it with. OR you could rent a ‘shop’ for approximately 3-4,000 baht per month and store it locked up. OR there may be some commercial places where you could store a car. Whatever you decide – KEEP the registration with you – DO NOT give it to anyone especially your ‘girl-friend or her family’. What if you have to renew the registration and you are out of the country? I cannot answer all the possibilities but this is also very simple – ask around.
And now, a WARNING – make absolutely positive that your ‘friend’ can be trusted. If she or any member of the family show the slightest indication of ‘GREED’ – beware! Land is a very scarce commodity among those that do not have anything. There have been cases of farangs committing (questionable) suicide by ‘blowing their brains out’ or ‘hanging themselves.’
In my opinion a specified time period needs to be established and agreed to by both you and your ‘new friend’ before starting the relationship (scenarios). I would strongly suggest a minimum of three years before parting with any large sum of money. This period of time will provide you and her the opportunity to decide if you are compatible with each other. If the ‘new friend’ survives the 3 year ‘test’ period (kind of like weaning someone off of drugs – it takes time) she should have left the bar-life behind her and be comfortable living with you and accepting your and her new life.
I am not an expert on relationships, as you have already figured out, but I do not like hearing about ‘Farangs’ being ‘taken to the cleaners.’ In the 6 years that I have been in Thailand I have personal knowledge of many farangs falling in love and end up loosing everything in a very short period of time. Don’t let it happen to you!
I would put a favorite saying but I don't know what to say!
While all women want security, any woman who exhibits greed or demands something of monetary value should be given the heave. Whatever happened to those magic words, “for better or for worse”?