A couple of years ago I traveled around Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, and Singapore for some time. Did the usual thing, bargirls, bar fines etc. Then I ended back up on an island in Thailand. I was pretty down at the time as although I had a great deal of fun on my adventures I felt I needed someone for more than one night, I needed someone who really did care and someone to love. This is where I made a very big mistake. I met this bargirl, experienced and fantastic in the sack, spent a few months and a lot of money whilst staying with her, although she never took any money from me as that was being taken care of by her Aussie boyfriend in Chiang Mai. We had a great time together and for a while, I was blissfully happy, then one morning it dawned on me that I could not possibly have a long term future with this girl. I just woke up, took a look at her sleeping, and as beautiful as she was, I just had the feeling that I had to leave her.
I knew that deep down she didn’t love me and I didn’t love her, we just had a fun relationship. Never had an argument, just good times all the time. So I made my excuses and left the country for a few weeks, gave her some cash and advised her to go home, think about her future without me and get on with her life. As some people may have guessed she didn’t go home, she went straight to Bangkok and carried on working as a freelancer there. No problem for me though, I always knew in the back of my mind this was how it was going to be. I had no strong feelings for the girl other than as a good friend. Upon returning to Thailand she called me and I told her where I stood, she was upset at this and never called me again.
So, I was back in Thailand and I was desperately looking for love, bear in mind I was 29 at the time and even though I say so myself I am not an ugly cunt, wouldn’t say I was good looking but an average type of guy. I traveled to an island in the south east where my journey began and began my search. As hard as I tried I just could not find that ‘normal’ Thai girl. I searched many places but to no avail. I still went to the bars but this time I decided not to pay to take girls anymore, it just left me feeling empty and depressed the next day when they left. Then one night I was having a beer with mamasan at one bar and spilled my guts out to her, told her everything about my search for love. She told me she had a girl (19 years old) who had not long started work at her place who wasn’t suited to the job who I could possibly strike up a relationship with. We were introduced and I immediately fell for this girl, although I could tell from the body language she didn’t feel the same way about me.
We spent a few days together and as the days went by we got closer to each other. She told me her sad life story, a story I am sure many of you have heard, boyfriend at 17, baby at 18 and then the boyfriend scarpers leaving her holding the baby with no money, hence working as a bar girl on this island. Although this girl was only 19 she was very mature and spoke with me in a way that no other girl I had met had spoken to me before. Within two weeks, phone calls were made and we were off to see her mama and papa up in Isaan. Once there I fell in love with the place and even more so with the girl. Being from the city I had never experienced anything quite like life in Isaan. Up at the crack of dawn and in bed by 8 p.m., the novelty wore off though after three weeks and I had to get out of there. My main gripe was lack of privacy, I would be in bed and people, not just family but neighbors would walk in and out of the room I was lying naked in. So I, as naieve as I was started to make enquires about how much it would cost to build a modest house so that when we stayed there we would have some privacy. All in the entire house was built for very little money but I still couldn’t settle so I told my girl that I was going to Bangkok to get work, and watch some farang TV.! I told her it was up to her if she came with me or she could stay with her family and I would support her. She decided she wanted to be with me which was great and we both traveled to the Big Mango to get work.
Within three days I was working, three months later she still was not. She just didn’t have the confidence to go out into the real world and get a life. I remember I lost my patience one day when she had an interview for some work. She refused to go. I went crazy and told her that if she didn’t go, I would stop my work and go home. I can’t imagine what it must have looked like but here was my girl and myself on the skytrain on the way to the interview, she was sobbing like a child and I was standing next to her holding her hand trying to reassure her that everything would be o.k. Needless to say she never got the job. This went on for a few more months, then I started to run low on cash so the best thing to do would be for me to go home, her to go home, make some cash and try and start some kind of business back in Thailand so then I could employ her and give her confidence.
I was back home for less than a month before a friend lent me some cash to start what I thought would be a dream move. The dream quickly turned into a nightmare, the business didn’t work, my girl and I were at each others' throats most of the time, it was the worst Christmas and New Year of my life. Eventually we made up; despite all the cash I had lost I still felt so much in love with this girl and felt she loved me so we could get through anything together. I went back home as did she for six months where I saved some cash and then returned to be with my girl. I secured a well paid job on a one year contract so everything was set up. My girl joined me and we lived together for that year. To be honest despite being with the woman I loved and having a good job I was unhappy. My girl was so jealous, she strangled my social life, even when we would be invited to get togethers, parties etc. She would not come with me as she said my friends would laugh at her as she didn’t have any education and she was a country girl from Isaan who worked the bar. Again her confidence was so low, I felt sorry for her and had learned my lesson from the skytrain experience not to push her too hard.
So we had some good times, mainly at the end of each month, when we would go to Pattaya or Jomtien for a few days break, but in between we fought like cat and dog. It got too much for me, I had come to Thailand for happiness not to play mind games with this girl, who by then had turned 20 but it seemed had a mental age of a 10 year old girl. I told her we were finished so many times but she wouldn’t go, she would get on her knees and wai to me begging for another chance. I really did love the girl so much, despite what my head was telling me I followed my heart and each time decided to give it another go.
After a few months I was posted to the south of Thailand, this time I decided that my girl should have some independence and stop being so dependent on me. Surprisingly she found good work, albeit on a low salary but the main thing was she was getting out of the apartment everyday and found herself occupied. In those few months she flourished into a beautiful independent woman. She had her own friends and her own life, I never felt so happy and proud to be with her. Then the bombshell came that I had been posted to Malaysia.
She was devastated by this news and quit the job, although I promised to support her financially, she told me she could not stay alone in the city by herself. This is where things took a sad turn; she contacted her friends from the past who she had worked with on the island where I had first met her. I took her to the island where I set her up with work with an old friend of mine; he said he would keep an eye on her and take care of her. True to his word he did, then I called him one day and he told me she had quit and he didn’t know where she was. It turns out her friends from the past had moved up in the world and now had a beauty salon, she went to work there. I was far from happy about this but I could not tell her where she could go and who she could see.
I went back to see her and got a room for her and bought her some stuff for the house so that she would feel comfortable there. Spent three weeks with her and she appeared to be very happy. I went back to Malaysia for a few weeks but my work had been delayed so I decided to go back and see her. She had changed so much in such a short space of time, my second night there she went out with her friends to a party without even caring about what I was doing. Then I noticed she started hiding the phone I bought her, I did manage to get a look at it but found nothing suspicious. Over the next few weeks we fought like cat and dog (again), then I told her I was going back to Malaysia and the last few days we spent together were very good, like the old days.
I got back to Malaysia and just had this sneaking feeling inside that something was up. I did something that I now know was the right thing to do. I got into her e-mail box and had a look. Whilst I was in Malaysia the first time she had met not one but two guys (that I know of) with whom she had slept with for money. To this day I don’t understand the money part as I always made sure she had enough. I still don’t know if I did the right thing, but after reading the mail particularly, from who seemed a decent English guy who professed his undying love for my girl, I sent him the mail the other guy had sent my girl which went into detail about the night they spent together and I also sent him some background information about the girl.
As of yet I had one reply from one guy who thanked me for the information, he told me he was sorry about the situation and he appreciated me saving him money that he intended to send to my girl. The English guy has yet to reply to my mail and I doubt he will, I think he has truly fallen in love with the girl and will pursue his dream of coming back to Thailand and then taking her back to England. I feel sorry for this guy, despite the warnings I think he is going ahead with his plan. What else can I do? I confronted the girl on the telephone; she denied everything until I told her about the e-mail. Then she told me “she was sorry, she loves me always will and never meant to hurt me, she is a bad girl, I am too good for her”. Man am I pissed off with her, I feel like I have thrown two years of my life away. My heart is broken as I thought despite all the bad times that I could trust this girl, marry her, have a couple of kids, buy some land and maybe a little business for her to run. My dreams are shattered now.
So here I am now in Malaysia, down but not out and my search for a woman I can love and trust shall begin again. Where I am going to begin my search, I must be crazy or stupid or maybe both, but Thailand of course!
She is still so young. Despite the other issues which have been discussed on this site at length, I just don't buy into it that 20 year old girls (yes, girls, not women), are ready to settle down.