End Of Illusions – Ecstatic Dancing in The Town Of Sin – Pattaya – Part 2

Thanks for these thousands of emails I got in response of part 1. It seems, some readers didn't get it right: Her limit was not one time for the whole vacation but one time per night!

What I did:

I started to change bar (still paying barfine for her). One bar next to hers had a live band. You know, they always play these 20 well known songs like EVERY band does in Pattaya (It's MY Life…) At home, I don't listen to these songs. In Pattaya
I really like to hear them. These music groups really know what the generation, most of the costumers belong to, like: Songs from our teenage-time. (Stickman, you are too young to know this!). Songs from the beginning of the '70s (Not AGE!
1970…) Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple…) I think these songs from our teenage time are best to generate the deepest feelings. Who wants to hear pop-music from today? Not us!!!

Ok, I hear this music from the next bar and felt the wish to dance. I asked Nim to go with me to dance, but no chance. So I walk over there alone and start dancing. IT'S MY LIFE… Where is enough place in the bar to dance? Inside the bar! The stuff
and the musicians are friendly and let me do (they don't know what will happen…). I dance, don't miss one song. It's 30 degrees (Celsius!!!) and after some minutes you start to sweat – it's like a sauna. Did you ever dance
in a sauna? I felt good. And the feeling gets better. My moves are becoming faster and faster. I try to express the emotions which the music transfers. It's getting wild. Expressing emotions of love, sorrow, anger, hatred…and while dancing,
I can feel these emotions very intensively. It feels so good to express these feelings and express it with body-motion. After dancing 45 minutes I was wet, totally wet. not only me, my clothes are wet. I had to wring out my shirt – no joke. Not
really comfortable to wear it so I continued to dance half naked. Still with my (long) trousers! Of course they were totally wet (imagine how long trousers are after going swimming with them…) I think most of you have seen these ugly totally
drunken guys, shouting, half naked, with problems to walk without falling to the ground. I think many of my spectators put me in these category, at least in the beginning. But I was not drunken. You cannot dance in a real fast and speedy way when
drunken. You can try it, but you will end soon on the ground.

So I was dancing, dancing for hours. And the feeling was great. Sometimes I tried to dance with the girls. Yes girls – plural, not only one! They were not very enthusiastic (more the opposite) to join me. So sometimes I chase them through the whole bar!
Funny! (at least for me). Sometimes I surprise them from behind and get them on my arms, throwing them with the rhythm of the music (beware of the fan!). Yes, some got really afraid of it. That's not what I want I really tried everything,
not to let them fall… (at least not to fall that hard!).

I did learn something from my dancing: Don't expect to find someone to make you feel good. If you feel good, it comes from inside. All these good feelings you can feel, come from you. It doesn't come from outside. And you don't even need
someone to share these feelings to have these feelings. Not bad to have someone to share it but you don't need it. Many times we (I) feel so dependent on other people to feel good. It's just our way of thinking. Maybe our mothers taught
us these lesson. Or didn't give us, what we need when we were very young, with the effect that we feel this dependence our whole life. Outside world is an illusion, an illusion WE make, it's self made. It's good to try to make good
illusions. You (I) have to realize, that the most important things are (already) inside. We always have them inside. Had them before and will ever have. We are complete. We have to believe in this, have to realize this, understand it. That was
my most important lesson on my last holidays in Thailand.

What happened with NIM? The next day, I told her to go. I even told her my reasons. No problem, was her answer. Next day I couldn't resist my longing and called her to come. I was loosing big face!!! And she was not very nice. I had to pay for her
losing face! (not money!). But next day was the end. After some unpleasant arguing we quit. I don't want to say something bad about her. I think she can be a real nice companion. She doesn't drink, smoke. On my last holidays she never
complained. She's got a peaceful mind. And she's good looking! And has a lot of sweet charm. Yes, I changed….And my lessons were not finished…

Beside starting dancing the most time of the night, I still felt this desire for having a companion for the rest of the night. And now something's happened, what I've never experienced before. Up to this day, I was used, that when I asked a
bar (or gogo) girl to come with me, they always say yes. Ok, I have to admit, I am looking like Robert Redford in his best days (or just imagine the most desired man (by women) you know!), but I think most important is, that I only choose ladies,
who treat me in a good way and show interest after approaching. Normally I try to choose by myself, not to be chosen by the most loud shouting/yelling HEY SEXY MAN Girl (I don't need them to know this).

What happened: They (the ladies) said no!! They really refused my offer to be their companion!!! I really had to think about what was going on. I took it as my next lesson. Destiny (god?) knew, I didn't fully understand my first lesson. I was still
believing that I need someone else to feel ok. I really tried to accept this next lesson. Not easy for me – but I was not really frustrated. It was an unexpected but interesting new experience.

And sometimes it really had some funny aspects: One night (after dancing) one lady (after all!) accepted my offer to go to my hotel. I think what started my attention were her big t…s. Ok, these usual (smaller) Thai ones are normally ok for me. I even
like them and you get in exchange (most times) a really well shaped rest-body. But here in Thailand big t…s are some kind of exotic (rare) and this night I want to have their companionship…

So off we were, walking up Second Road on the pavement (sidewalk). Still feeling my dancing fever inside, I wanted to move fast – and couldn't she was slow, very slow! Yes, I have to admit not only big t..s. If you want the lady, you have to take
the whole lady. Cannot just take, what you like – you are forced to take the whole thing, even these other parts you don't like that much. Its the same with qualities of behavior/character. Many times, relationships (love affairs, marriages)
failed, cause the partners do not realized before a longer time, that they have got the whole package. Many times, they try again with someone else – and what happens? The same package! Is there a conspiracy going on? NO! You only can get it in
this package – cause these qualities you want belong together like the two sides of a coin – or better, like sunshine and shadow…. etc.

Yes, many women (men) do like men (women) with a lot of sweet charm, men (women) who know how to treat a woman (man)…, funny adventures guys – and made the mistake to start a long time relationship with them expecting never ending loyalty..

Ok, this lady was slow, so I had to go slow. I couldn't (!) walk THAT slow. So I had to stop many times, I walk backwards (!), circling around her, I tried to push her, shove her. Imagine it…! And all in my totally wet clothes! Finally, we arrived
at my hotel. Do you remember? Sixth floor! No elevator! Most ladies do complain about it, sometimes I really carry them in my arms. No joke – at least one floor. OK – most times the way downhill. Carry this lady? Uphill? No! No chance! But I needed
a shower. I really did need it. THAT'S what I needed most at that moment. So, after walking two floors upstairs beside her (pushing her!), I couldn't hold my brakes anymore and walk (jump) ahead. One more floor, and I couldn't see
her anymore. I walk to my room, throwing my clothes away and had a shower (aap naam – why do I know these words!?).

Did she manage to reach my room or did she collapse at the staircase?

Two times no. I didn't saw her again that night. Had a shower and went to bed – alone. Didn't go to look for her before. I did understand: It was my next lesson. (When do I ever learn?) Next night, I went to her bar. She: Where you be? I look
you. Can not find. — Could I expect, that she would find the sixth floor alone? Could I expect, that she would remember the floor number? No, SHE did not asked me that. I asked YOU! No, she didn't complain. She was still friendly and peacefully…
I think, she just doesn't understand what happened (maybe, she has made the experience to be too slow many times before? We tried it again that night. Do you want to know what happened next?

Stickman’s thoughts:

I really hope something happens soon…..