Readers' Submissions

Delightful Thai Whores – He Leaves Her Undone


Delightful Thai Whores – He Leaves Undone


Touch-down Bangkok airport, gotta shitload of condoms, do The Deed, nail them all.

Bangkok!

Mr. F. walks into Nana, Farang penetrator, grabs a chick, and off to the short time shack. You shower, I shower, and then— STOP, I say! STOP! What do you think, he is not an ignorant sex tourist, no wham bam thank you mam, he knows the cultural thing, the oriental ways, they do small talk and all before, he for one respects the girls, whores are people too, how about family, buffalo, life, all that, he's horny AND polite, the gentle john. So tell me, Miss Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan, how was your week? – "This week good business already! FOUR costumers already!" Smile-smile. "Can payback for condo in On Nut!" Smile-smile, Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan knows about turn-around, but not about turn-on. Is it Wednesday or Thursday today, he calculates? How many blokes bonk her per week? How much she makes per month, minus holidays? What is the interest rate on real estate credits? His spongy body is not into math, gets bored, he leaves undone.

Why, no shortage of lasses, walks into Nana again, Mr. F., grabs himself another Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan. Off to the short time compartment, 300 baht a key, you shower, I shower, okay, and then that oriental talk-talk thing, life and all, person to person, interactive, correct, what else. Oh she says, in her eight years of business, she's had all sorts of customers, all different, you know, different from condom size 49 to condom size 61, so different, but 61 too much for her, she goes, can't take it, she admits, can't even blow it, she regrets, chai khah— Heck, eight years size 49 to 61? This Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan knows about men's willies, but does she know about men's imagination and psyche? 49 to 61, eight years? So what is the average condom size, and which size is right for Mr. F.? How does he compare with eight years of 49 to 61 penetrators? Do they check length and / or diameter, do they need ruler and / or slide gauge to determine his condom size? Right now they'd need a microscope, Noi means small, he leaves undone.

Mr. F. untired, takes to the street, still gotta shitload of condoms, grabs a young wild one. Polite chap him, inquires about her well-being again, life and what else, how about business in the roar of dust and diesel, oh she has regular customer, "I shit for him, he eat", WHAT?!?!?, "yes, I shit, he eat, can come very strong!", god, Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan says this with a positive smile, now what does she expect of him, hobby writer Mr. F. simply has too much imagination for that plot, does she expect him to— ??? Lek means small too, he leaves undone.

Nah, those ruthless enterprising talkative Bangkok whores, not for him, not his class. Let's go for the real thing, let's go to the sources, let's go upriver, let's make Isaan cuties happy in Isaan.

Isaan!

Mr. F., Farang sperminator, has good memories of Khon Khaen. Yep, TAT's Khon Khaen tourist office once sported a city map highlighting ten massage places, all in the map's "entertainment" category. But F.'s map is old, away with it, let's take a ride to the TAT office for the newest map. There we go, Mr. F. opens his new city map, wait girls I come, and thrice, onslaught onto local females. But what, map has no "entertainment" section any more, now they feature "Khon Khaen Psychiatric Hospital" and "Khon Khaen Central Prison", maybe they are telling something, he leaves undone.

After all, Ubon Ratchathani! Another great puddle of Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan. Shitload of high quality 'Easy On' rubbers still waiting for the dive. Walks into massage parlour, selects a slim one. Thank god, no oriental talk-talk here, because local Isaan Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan don't speak much English. Just waiting for The Deed, good LBFM. Oh how she washes him in the tub, oh how she massages him on the linen, oh how she whispers "Boomboom?" into his ear with, oh, naughty-naughty smile, Mr. F.'s rises to the occasion! Now, "Juss' momen'", she hisses into his co-erected ears, disappears behind that low tiled wall in the massage room, suddenly a waterfall: a manmade waterfall. So there thrones Miss Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan on her walk-in loo, thundering out cascades of urine, smiling back to Mr. F. – whose organ gets confused about what's next, he leaves undone.
Udon Thani for a change. Tiny massage rooms here, and heck, no built-in loo, sorry for you Miss Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan, you stay contained during boomboom. And here they go, yeah, chick washes him and HIM in the tub, washes herself and HERSELF for The Deed, massages him and HIM on the linen, so good for the blood circulation, where are the cond— "Juss' momen'", she hisses, jumps back into the tub, and then a shower-made waterfall. Why shower, chick showered already, Mr. F. takes a look, quickly looks back to the ceiling: One shower is camouflage, one is golden, she pees full-on into the tub, happy meal, relief for her, not for him, he leaves undone.

Nah, those Isaan lasses, unashamed, they don't know how to take a distinguished occidental traveller. Mr. F. will see the real pros. Still gotta shitload of condoms, now gotta ticket to Pattaya, use them rubbers all up, finally.


Pattaya!

Mr. F., Farang cruising missile, walks into soi sex, their short time rooms surely too small for a pee on the spot, let's hope. Oh, look there, she is elegant, her skirt not too short, not too long, her heels not to high, no flip-flops either, her smile not too forced, not too naughty, just fine, all inviting, a perfect dance school demeanour, the queen of upper soi 6, won't pee pre-flight. Sure, exciting Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan would like a lady drink with Mr. F., 90 baht, all alone they sit in the bar room, her well-modeled curves shine temptingly in the dark, believe it, her English is fine, chick has been to the UK, has a sister on the isle, all her family knows the trade, great, she truly deserves his expensive western condom(s), so let's— Farang bloke walks in, gives her a look, she gets up, "I have to go with him now", chick doesn't even finish her lady drink, he leaves undone.

Mr. F. finds another decent Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan next door, looks like an everyday student actually, kind of a nice neighborhood girl, jeans and cotton shirt, yes, she happy to sit down for a lady drink, 90 baht, can talk about Carabao, Yahoo, Shinawatra, Nokia, "you clever, you beautiful", he whispers, "we go?" – "I not go with man!!! I cashier only", he leaves undone.

Mr. F. finds another decent gal one more door down south, heck, how Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan teases him to come in, playful, but strong, maybe low business for a while now, and who is he to resist, he has a mission and a shitload of you know what, now they climb up short time rooms, now they climb up mattress, now she climbs up Mr. F., now a white viscid rancid liquid drips down out of Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan. Heck, what— "No, no, no", chick assures hastily, "I just happy to meet you!!!!" How lovely, but Mr. F. doubtful, won't add his ingredients to that mélange, he leaves undone.

Nah, those Pattaya ones, they just want to sell their lady drinks, the hottest of whores are no longer there, they moved to the newest hottest of destinations, and Mr. F. follows eagerly, Bangkok Airways does it now, beach2beach, bitch2bitch, Pattaya-Samui, a shitload of condoms propeller across the Gulf of Thailand.

Ko Samui!

Mr. F., Farang lumbar splitter, finds what they call a "massage café", of course so, Ko Samui is a world renowned wellness destination, sanuk for body AND soul here, and oh, a farm-fresh sweetie there from Ubon Ratchathani, so young and innocent and this shy, knowing smile, facial Viagra, yep, she gives him a very cute smile, decent and promising, and an expensive drink she gives him too, she talks to a few customers, but they are about to go, yeah, and then she is free, but then she goes out, why, 15 minutes he is all alone in that "massage café", when Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan reappears, ok, first talk, sure, that's just correct in that order, talk first, my dear daughter, you like Samui? "No, no like Samui, no like to go with man", he leaves undone.

Guess what, this is delightful Asia, ten more "massage cafés" next door, 100 more girls happy to be nailed by Mr. F, there is one curvy agitator there, knows how to create an uprising in a minute, yep, he pays 1300 baht for a wellness treatment on second floor, follows Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan upstairs, but oh, the room is ten percent bigger than the on-floor mattress, but what, mattress is wet all over – the air-con is dripping with water, how clever, but mai pen rai, the room next door sports another seedy mattress and luckily no air-con – yet cool, and you know why, the wall is only half-high, the dripping air-con pumps into the new cubicle too, and now the air-con room gets another couple, they like the air-con wetting, god this guy is noisy, you can hear every word he burps to his chick, what kind of accent is that, New York or Milwaukee, his farts like Ben Webster on saxophone, do they need a condom or two, Mr. F. has spare ones, he's not into sex noise or group fucks, he leaves undone.

Stumbling home, wham no bam, a heaving girlie bar right on the main road, they got sexy Khun Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan from Nakhon Sri Thammarat, wants to share his pillow, 700 only, a bargain, "because I see you good man". Maybe good, but man? Mr. F. still has to prove that, he gets cynical, he jokes "sorry, boomboom already", but Khun Noi / Lek / Fon / Gop / Wan doesn't let loose and flexes her biceps: "No popemm, I very strong lady." Hell, strange attitude, what will she do to him on the linen, his mood shrinks, he leaves undone.

Nah, Samui, you are disappointing, not so much wellness on your sandy shores, where are the delightful Thai whores. Mr. F. buys another rip-off ticket from Bangkok Airways and finally closes the circle:

Bangkok again!

Take-off Bangkok airport, saved a shitload of condoms, he leaves undone.


PotholeResearch@aol.com