Stickman Readers' Submissions August 21st, 2004

The Thai Wife And Mountain Girl

By Herr Anonymous

The Thai Wife

Back in July 2002 I am sitting in front of the television (that’s TV for you dummies out there) in my home up north (Thailand) watching my favorite Thai soap opera (I was too cheap to rent cable). All of a sudden a bolt of lighting
struck me on the head. I say, Oh shit, the same lightning bolt that got me in 65. So I run over to my notebook (that’s a computer) and click on internet. Then I sit and wait, and wait, (and think about the ‘Shin’ racking in
all that money from his crappy service), and wait – and then bingo, I’m on-line at the amazing speed on 34 bits per second. Then I click on the little green bell / hour glass and watch it ‘dingle’ until hotmail opens. Yep,
the SOB is on-line (vasectomy in 67, little kid, more like a monkey pops out of the Thai oven in 72 – Humm! I thought those little guys die when you cut them off – must have found an escape route). Oh! Where was I. The SOB is on-line. So, intelligent
on-line conversation begins. "Hi’. Reply, "Hi". Well, that’s out of the way. "What is going on back there? How is mother doing?" (my wife of too many years). SOB – "Well (long pause) – I’m thinking
– "Dear John" ………. Sure enough the SOB says: "Mom has filed for divorce." "Oh", I say", "What is her reason?" SOB – Don’t know (So, what else is new). "I ask SOB – "What are your
mothers plans for the house and car over here in Thailand?" "She will be back the end of November 2002 to sell the car and pick up her ton of gold, says SOB". And what about me, says I! SOB – "Mom says you can live in HER house
while she is in the USA (so her spies can keep an eye on me)." "Gee, thanks I say."

He Clinic Bangkok

The beginning – 1998. After some 30 years of marriage and 40 years of working (don’t even try to guess my age – just ‘OLD’) – marriage will do that too you, ‘the wifey’ says, "why don’t we find
some place to live out the rest of our years in peace and quite!" That sounds like a good idea, I say. Where would ‘you’ like to live, I ask. "Why don’t we go and live in Thailand – My sister has a new house that
we can rent, the wife says." Now then, I am thinking, I have not been to Thailand in over 20 years and from my past memory (which seems to get worse each passing year), I was not looking forward to living in a 3rd, or is it a, 4th world country.
Then again, I kinda liked the idea of a new adventure. So I say to the wife, "Sure why not. But we will have to decide what to do about your hair salon, the house, the car, etc., I say." Leave it to the wife, she had the solution. Sell
the business, lease the house to "SOB", and sell my truck to him. But, ‘dear’ I say, "If we do all this you realize that we will have nothing to come back to if we decide we do not want to remain in Thailand."
But, wifey says, "Just think about all those young girls over there." Now, I am thinking to myself, I am over the hill, been unhappily married to this woman for 20 years, can just barely make it to the john to pee, have no interest in
another lousy relationship, and she is talking about ‘pretty girls’! So, I get out my notebook (that’s computer, again) and start to find everything that was available on the internet about Thailand. I may have been pretty
dumb back then, but I could not find much of anything that was current. So I sent a letter off to Immigration in Thailand asking them about visa requirements. I received a very nice letter in reply. Packed up the bags (and the ‘old’
bag) and off we went on our new adventure to Thailand in October 1998.

After, it seemed like, 2 days flying half-way around the world we finally arrive in Bangkok. Remember, this is late October – nice cool weather in the USA. Off the plane and into an ‘oven’. The only thing I was thinking at the
time was "Oh shit, what have I gotten myself into." At the airport to greet us was the wife’s younger sister. The last time I had seen her, she was just moving out of the diaper stage. We headed over to the domestic terminal and
waited for the flight North. As of this writing I am still up North and have no desire to return to the ‘oven’ of Bangkok! After arriving at the airport, the brother-in-law (younger sister's husband) greets us, load up the pickup
truck and head down the road for another hour and a-half drive. Arriving at the house, I immediately asked for the bathroom. Surprise! It had an American style toilet and paper. I was in heaven – no squatting and did not have to use my finger!
After a tour of the rest of the house we sat down in the hardest wooden chairs that were ever built. I say to myself, "Cushions are the first order of business." We agreed on 3,000 baht a month as rent on the house – we could have lived
there for ‘free’! Having been there for 4 months using the ‘older’ sister's truck when available, I decided it was time to buy our own vehicle. We pick out a Toyota Soluna and ask the salesman to register it in
my name (after all, it is my money). But, "Your an alien the salesman says!" "Alien’s cannot own a car or truck in Thailand, he says." I said No, "The last time I checked I was not an alien, I am from planet Earth,
what planet are you from." All I got for a reply was a ‘stare’. My comment went right over his head and out the door. Had no idea what I said. Well, the car ended up in the wife’s name.

Now then, a year goes by and the sisters are all squabbling on a daily basis (it always seemed as though wifey is the start of it all). So, wifey decides we need to build a house in HER village. I say to myself, "She must be nuts."
Of course I already knew the answer! We search in her village and find 3/4 of a rai for 70,000 baht and purchase it. Then building time arrives for our new house. Well, my American standards were not good enough for the ‘expert’
Thai builders. With their years of education and experience in the rice fields they knew everything there was to the building of a well constructed house! And, wifey is siding with them – "You don’t know what the hell your talking
about, she says!" Oh well, I did get some of what I wanted! And for the ongoing 3 years I made a lot more improvements to the house and land (that’s ‘money’ ).

CBD bangkok

Now, wifey is an American ‘Green Card’ holder which means she had to return to the USA every year or loose her residency status. Did not realize when I left America that this was going to be an annual thing (fling)! She was
determined that I was going to go with her. And, I was just as determined that I was not. Flying for umpteen hours (that’s a whole bunch of hours for the dummies), a chain smoker to boot, on a non-smoking flight – No way! So, wifey goes
off to the USA for 2 months and I remain in the village. I was quite happy with my computer and TV and not having to listen to the ‘bitch’n’ all the time. All too soon, wifey returns. I go to the airport to pick her up and
I get the nastiest look you can imagine. "Who have you been with while I was gone, she asks." I was not expecting this from her and said, "no one." "What the hell is the matter with you, I ask." "You have been
with somebody – I know, she says." Well I knew that this conversation had to end so I shut my month and said nothing. To make this very long story short, the wifey went to the USA annually for 4 years and each time her visits became longer
and longer! And each time she returned I was accused of having a Mia Noi (that’s ‘mistress’) and running around with all sorts of women! I had nothing to defend so kept my ‘trap’ (mouth) shut. While back in the
USA I was also being accused of the same crap. Heck, if I went to the mall (that’s a BIG shopping center for the dummies) and looked at a woman passing by I would get the third-degree (that's accusations) all the way home.

So what does all this ‘dribble’ (that’s BS) have to do with the Mountain Girl. Hang in there fellas, it’s coming.

Back to SOB and our on-line conversation. "What does your mother want from me, I ask." SOB says, "50% of everything." I say, "She already has everything. Does she want my blood too." No comment from SOB. When
I met my wife, actually I ‘bought’ her out of a bordello in 1968 for 4,000 baht, she had 20 baht in her purse. Since that time she has traveled all over the world with me, I put her up in 2-brand new houses, spent thousands of dollars
on furniture that was not functional, bought her a sports car, started her business, and gave her the equity in both houses when sold. All these years she never spent ‘one-cent’ on utilities, mortgage payments, telephone bills (hers),
car payments, groceries (very few), etc. I guess she thought that all these necessities were free! And, today, still not satisfied, wants 50% of my pension – my only asset left.

Wifey finally arrives in November 2002. I am not around. I moved 100 km away but did call her. "Where the hell are you, she asks." I hang up. This conversation isn’t going to go anywhere, I tell myself. True to her word,
she sells MY car and takes her ton of gold and goes back to the USA. After the wife leaves I return to the house and decide to live there while she keeps her ass in the USA. Well, in August 2003, SOB tells me that wifey is returning to Thailand
in October 2003 and wants a divorce from me. "What happened to her filing in July 2002, I ask SOB." I don’t know says SOB (this kid doesn’t no anything I tell myself – I wonder if he knows his name and who his daddy is!).
I find me a truck and haul off some furniture and clothes to my new ‘pad’ (that’s house for the dummies) in October 2002.

wonderland clinic

The Mountain Girl

With the knowledge that there was no hope of reconciliation with the wife I went on a fox hunt (that’s ‘girl’, ‘beaver’, etc. hunting). My very first night on the hunt (October 2002) I spot this gorgeous
female (at least to me). I ask her to spend some time with me and she agrees. The conversation with her goes something like this: "What is your name, I ask". "Mountain Girl (not her real name, sic), she says". She tells me
that she is from a mountain village. How long have you been working at this job, I ask (being polite, already knew she was a ‘bar maid’). About 10 years, she says. As time goes on – 2 days – I fall in love with this girl (I already
know what you're thinking out there – boy, is this guy stupid or what!). Since I am a lonely ‘old fart’ I ask this girl, initially, if she would be my Mia Noi (mistress) which she agrees to. So, the agreed payment would
be 10,000 baht a month for 3-4 nights of heavenly bliss each week. Well, 2 days later, I decide that this is not going to work. What if she is peddling her ‘butt’ on the side and gets HIV, I ask myself. "Would you consider living
with me full-time, I ask." She was at first reluctant to agree but after 5 minutes of thinking on her part she agrees to move in with me. From the very first day she was constantly putting the moves on me (that is, ‘sex’ was
her middle name).

In the meantime I try calling the ‘old bag’ (wife) (October 2003) and got the same snotty reply, "Where the hell are you, she asks (shouts)." "On the moon, I say – "Didn’t you know I am an ‘alien’,
I say." I don’t think she quite figured out what I was talking about. "I want you to be at the Ampur on Thursday at 8 AM to file for divorce, she says." OK! No problem, I say." So, on Thursday I drag my ‘posterior’
(that’s A–, well, you no!) down the 100 km to the Ampur. No wifey! Humm. What do I do? Well, this fellow comes over and states, "Don’t you recognize me?" I did not until he said he is my wife’s sister's boyfriend
(actually, his Mia Noi) (too many sisters to keep track of). Your wife is delayed he tells me. She is getting her hair done and will not be here until 11 AM. It’s just like her – me first, the hell with you. So I sit and wait.
Approximately 11 AM I see this outrageously dressed ‘peacock’ walking, actually she was strutting, towards me. ‘I knew in a minute it had to be Saint Knick.’ Oh! Sorry, that’s another story. So the ‘peacock’
comes up to me, flutters her wings, and shouts, while jabbing her finger into my forehead (it hurt) "I want a divorce from you today and I want 50% of everything." "You're not getting 50%, I say. In fact, I am not giving you
anything." And I proceed to walk away. That little episode sealed our fate in concrete. About 2 weeks later I tried calling the ‘old bag’ and was told by the ‘sister’ that my wife had returned to the USA to file
for divorce (for the third time). I told the sister that I was willing to compromise with the wife and give her some money. The sister tells me not to give her anything. Why, I ask. Your wife already has a new husband. He works at a hospital back
there. Bells, whistles and lights are going off in my head. How the hell can she be married to some other block head when she is still married to me, I am asking myself. The sister continues the conversation by stating that the wife (or is it
ex-) will be returning to Thailand next year with her new husband. I again ask myself, "Did she get a divorce on the day I walked away?" "How do I find out, I ask myself". Well I did not have an answer. So I say, again, to
myself "Two divorces is better than one, anyway."

I tell myself, I need to find a lawyer. But how am I going to find a lawyer up here that can speak rudimentary English. I start calling my few friends (actually, acquaintances) to see if I can get any leads. As luck would have it, I find
the lawyer I need. The rest of the story is in Stickman’s Readers' Submissions under the title – Thai Divorce.

Back to Mountain Girl. About 3 weeks into the relationship (about mid-November 2002) ‘Mountain Girl’ decides that she wants to go and see her son? Another whole series of questions arise! "Why did you not tell me you had
a son when we first met, I ask." "I forgot to tell you, she says." Humm! The ‘bells’ are ringing quite loud in my head. I am too damn old to be starting a new family, I am thinking. But, my ding-a-ling is making it
known to me that it wants to be exercised regularly and if I give up this toy I will have to find something else to play with. So ding-a-ling won. We go to see her son – the filthiest ‘brat’ I have ever seen. I ask my sweet young
thing (toy), "Who is and where is his father." "His father is from Saudi Arabia, she says." Now, this sweet young thing was impregnated 7 years previous by a Saudi that was supposedly her husband. As soon as the kid pops out
of the oven the Arab leaves never to return to her or his son. I am now starting to feel sorry for this young lady who has gone through a terrible 10 years. Her first relationship lasts for 2 years with a Japanese fisherman (Big boat) who gets
disemboweled by a big fish hook which results in the termination of the relationship. Second relationship – the Arab, lasts for 4 years until the kid drops out of the oven. Her third relationship, with a supposedly rich, European lasts for about
2 years and ends when he decides to seek other sources for his pleasure. Each of these relationships were short term, holiday relationships.

As ‘our’ relationship continues I learn much more about her past and present life. I am constantly asking myself "Why did I get into this relationship (mess)." (I think I know what you're all thinking!). My problem
is that once I get into a relationship I am committed to that relationship. I am not the type and never have been the type of person to just walk away from anything ‘I’ started. And as each day goes along, and the stories get sadder
and sadder, I get that much more locked into the relationship. As our relationship continues into 6 months, she states, "I want to get married." I inform her that I am not interested in marriage at this point in time. She eventually
gets me to understand that it is not a ‘real’ marriage. It’s a ‘save’ face ‘string tying’ ceremony for her family. "What’s this going to cost me, I ask?" A one baht gold chain (about
6,000 baht at the time) for her mother and another 30,000 for partying, she says. It turned out to be a beautiful ceremony with a lot of help from friends. Climbing the damn ‘mountain’ I thought was going to kill me. But, then I
said to myself, "If I make it up this hill I will be married and If I don’t they can have a funeral – the party will go on either way!"

‘Mountain Girl’ and I have absolutely nothing in common (Surprised!!). I have become attached to this young lady from a purely selfish standpoint. I am always asking myself – "As we men get older are we supposed to be this
sexually active?" I have no answer. OK – I am 66 years old. I think I told you I am a ‘dirty old man’! She – 31 years old.

Back to the story. After months of this relationship I learn that my young lady is not a Thai citizen. She is what is referred to in Thailand (by many different spellings) a ‘Thai Lue.’ She migrated from Burma (cannot spell
the other one) with her family when she was approximately 5 or 6 years old. As such, she, like all of us ‘foreigners’ are not eligible to own land. When we first met and started living together some months ago it was agreed that
within 3 years if she stayed with me, and we found ourselves compatible, that I would purchase some land and build a house on that land. This would give me the ‘test’ period I needed to determine if she was genuinely interested in
a long term relationship with me or just after ‘My MONEY’. That was before I found out that she could not own land! But, in January 2003 the bureaucrats in Bangkok were kind enough to send a team of ‘buffalo’ up North
to process paperwork that would, sometime in the next hundred years, grant Thai citizenship on these Thai Lue. Just maybe, when the 3 year anniversary date arrives she will have her Thai citizenship. It looks like there will not be a 3 year anniversary!

For almost 2 years I was happily into this relationship with ‘Mountain Girl.’ She was everything I had been looking for. She would sit and hug and play silly games with ‘ding-a-ling’ and then go to bed and make
passionate love. OK! Enough sex. This goes on until about one month ago. I realize it now, not back then. The cuddling, hugging and sex started to slack off. Being the gentleman that I am I did not want to question her about it or get angry about
it. Actually, I was happy for the break in routine.

Then, two days ago she unloaded on me. (Must be ‘that time of the month!’). Didn’t even see it coming. The day previous a friend and his wife came for a visit. While they where at the house I carried on a conversation
with ‘my’ friend and, off, away from us, ‘Mountain Girl’ and my friend's wife had their conversation. After our friends left and ‘Mountain Girl’ and I were alone she says to me, "Why do all old
men want sex all the time?" I ask her why she was asking that question. She tells me that her friend states that her husband wants sex every day. I say, "What is wrong with that?" "You like having sex too, don’t you?"
I get a funny look from her. I am thinking I must have pushed a wrong button. It is quite late so off to bed we go.

The next afternoon, 17 August 2004, I am sitting watching the ‘idiot’ tube (TV) when she starts talking to me. "My friend told me that her husband (my friend) had given her two million baht", she says. "When are
you going to give me my million(s), she asks." She continues, "You think we stay with old men because we love you!" "We stay with old men because old men are supposed to be rich!" "I am going to Bangkok and stay with
my brother", she states. Well, as I say, I was caught completely off guard. Had no reason to suspect that she felt that way. To be frank, it shocked me. All these many months she professed her true love for me. Never once indicating that
she was the least bit unhappy with me. Showered me with hugs and kisses constantly. All the time smiling for me (that’s what got to me from the very beginning – her adorable smile). Throughout all these months I was making plans for our
new house together. Making several designs of what I would like in a house. Asking her thoughts about her wants and needs. And then the ‘bomb-shell’ hits and explodes! I had to get away for a while.

When I returned to the house she was packing her clothes. I told her, "If you leave do not come back." "You and I will be finished." Then I go out and leave her alone. When I come back to the house an hour or so later,
she has unpacked. I moved her clothes and other ‘stuff’ into the second bedroom and tell her that from this point on, this is your room. Further, you and I are no longer Mia (wife) and Sarm-Mi (husband). Furthermore,
if you decide to stay I will pay you 10,000 Baht per month to keep my house (rental) clean. I want nothing more to do with you.

OK! You are saying to yourselves "Why doesn’t he just throw her out?" I feel that I am still very much in love with ‘Mountain Girl’. It is not just the sex. There are many things, such as, companionship, being
afraid of dying with no one there holding my hand when I take my last breath, her infectious smile, her good humor, her devotion to her family (they do not desire it), I could go on and on. And also remember the statement I made earlier, "My
problem is that once I get into a relationship I am committed to that relationship. I am not the type and never have been the type of person to just walk away from anything ‘I’ started." She has not started throwing pots and
pans or knives at me yet. I have gotten no verbal abuse from her and do not expect any. I will let her simmer for awhile. I do not believe that she will remain here with me for a very long period. I suspect that she will eventually realize that
our relationship is over and will move to Bangkok. At least that is what I am hoping for. As much as I think I love her, I do not believe I could continue a relationship with her after the very bitter things she said to me.

In conclusion. I do not know when or how this story is going to end. It is sad that MONEY and expensive material things are the only motivation that Thai women have for staying (a very big maybe) with us, the ‘foreigner’. Then
again, how can we blame them when you consider their miserable background. In ‘Mountain Girls’ case, she has no education, zero schooling, cannot read or write the Thai language, and has no job prospects, nothing but ‘her
body’ to support her miserable life. They are forced or coerced into the life they have to support, in my case, a ‘bitch’ of a mother and two cousins that have been left motherless and fatherless, not to mention her own son.
So, how do we not keep from feeling compassion or being sorry for their miserable existence? The sad part is that she was happy for a long time with me and could have continued having a very good lifestyle. But they ‘throw it away at the
bat of an eye-brow’! And maintain that there is a better life waiting for them ‘in someone else’s arms.’

I wish there was a social psychologist (not sure of this one) that could explain this type of behavior?

My personal knowledge of ‘foreign’ / Thai relationships comes from listening to many stories from here in Thailand and in the USA. My current relationship did not pass my personal 3 year test. Too many ‘foreigners’
come over here with their life savings, find what they believe to be their one true love, buy the land in their wife’s / girlfriend's name, build a house of substantial size, get literally kicked out on their ass as soon as the house
is completed, and lose everything 6 months later! And there is no recourse through the court system over here to get even one baht back from their investment. Oh! You say, I don’t know what I am talking about! I personally know of 4 ‘foreigners’
that this has happened to here in Thailand. I also know of several ‘foreigners’ that have purchased expensive vehicles while on holiday in their girlfriend's / wife’s name only to come back 6 months later to find that
the vehicle has been sold and the girlfriend / wife gone.

My opinion – If you, the ‘foreigner’ are going to get involved with a Thai girl / woman, make it a long term test period, in my case 3 years, before turning over large sums of money or purchasing expensive houses or cars. These
Thai woman have ‘itchy’ paws. They have to have ‘their’ fix, actually, ‘your money’, now. Not tomorrow, next year or 3 years from ‘now.’ And the minute you give into ‘their’
demands they will be gone. So, if they are going to go anyway, why give them anything? If they truly love you, as they are extremely good at telling you, then they will still be with you 3 years later. Even then I would not go ‘hog wild’
giving them everything under the ‘sun’

Stickman's thoughts:

Sad to hear it didn't work out, but then falling in love within 2 days is pretty fast!

nana plaza