Thai Timing

I have been here too long, seen too many things. Perhaps the strangest, the surreal timing that Thai b-gals appear to have. Boyfriends coming and going with perfect synchrony. Gals hustling with one trick sat at the bar whilst doing another in the toilet,
mere seconds away from a disaster that never happens. On and on, just as weird as upcountry traffic doing a perfect waltz, no-one looking where they are going.

I have been here 25 years, speak perfect Thai, work here, live here and have gone through thousands of gals. Several serious relationships, often ending up in violent outbursts when the gritty truth is finally revealed.

And a couple of years ago, after a disastrous business venture with a Thai (they don't want to play fair on principle), I thought the deities (and I am convinced there is some deep rooted supernatural stuff that non-Thais never get to
see) up there had finally given me a break.

I had been given the gift of perfect timing. The usual nasty friends dropping like flies (well off to the farang land…) rather than trying to take my lady down. I had a clean run with the babe who seemed to be the nicest woman I had ever
met.

After 25 years I am deeply paranoid, suspicious, etc. And it was basically spending all my time with the gal and seeing what goes down. Moved into her apartment, no sign of a guy there. She didn't sulk, didn't really seem to have
a mind of her own, the usual reply, up to you.

We had great fun together, no problems from the family and no money doing a disappearing act or any sign of boyfriends, though I was suspicious of her aunty's boyfriend who I thought might've been her husband but they rarely saw
each other and no way was she giving out any money. She made me feel 16 again rather than a tired 60 and she even burnt out the strange obsession that had gripped my mind – gay sex!

A year went by and marriage was on the cards. I could not believe my luck! Things began to go a touch awry when we moved into a new apartment. She wanted to give an excessive tip to the Thai porters who helped with the furniture and a couple
of weeks later they were giving me big Thai smirks.

BTW, I deliberately engineer my relationships with Thai gals so there is no money flowing out to Thai men and no chance of them having sex (or so I thought, I am obviously a bit behind the times as to the antics of these gals) – the
massive loss of face causing the boyfriend to go berserk after a month or two.

I had no proof, just paranoia. No point accusing her of anything but the only thing I could think of was her sneaking out when I was asleep. So I set the door up so there would be tell-tale signs left if it was opened in the night.

Couple of days all was fine then I could not believe it – the traps I'd set had been set off! I was so out of it I even doubted my own eyesight and decided that maybe I had forgotten to set them! Couple more days all was fine
and then they were set off again!

So going back over old ground I basically exerted maximum violence on a couple of so-called friends who we hung out with. They reckoned she had gone to the short-time room in a couple of Cowboy bars after telling me she needed the toilet.
Gone ten, fifteen minutes (she genuinely does suffer from indigestion problems so I didn't think much of it!). Well, okay, that was her making a bit of extra dosh, not the end of the world (after you have been here 25 years rather than 25
minutes!).

Back to the cheap apartment, surly buggers didn't want to say anything until I roughed then up a bit – the f..king bitch had a Thai boyfriend in a room right across from us and was sneaking out most nights when he didn't
have a girl with him (some kind of gigolo – can you believe these people!). If I ever woke up and found out THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD! Thai timing!

I am not a tall guy but I am big in every other direction and I am not exaggerating when I say my shirt was bursting at the seams with repressed violence, as I walked out into the humid heat of the night. I knew if I saw the bitch I would
have torn her apart and spent the rest of my life in a Thai prison. I basically walked from one side of Bangkok to the other before deciding to move to Pattaya and never speak to her again.

Okay, another bitch bar gal does a farang over (at least I didn't lose any serious money – I didn't have any left!) but what really threw me was the way we seemed to be motoring along in a state of grace. Even getting a US
visa for her was a painless ten minute interview. We just seemed so lucky together.

Bear in mind that this happened to a veteran of the scene who speaks fluent Thai and knows what is what – can you imagine what these people do to newbies! Much later, I found out that aunty's boyfriend was indeed her husband and
she had been f..king around on him as well (farang don't count but vermin Thai pimps do and she thought she was very special as the pimp gave her free sex!). She actually married a German, lasted six months and is now living in some splendor
with the long-suffering Thai husband!

Well, those Thai gods obviously hate me – I have a lot of recent, as in the last 25 years, sins to pay for and they really took the piss out of me this time. It's not so much that I am old enough to know better but that I have
totally given up now, just doing short time as and when I feel the need. I am taking out my rage on the more desperate katoeys – the one thing you can't fake is a hard-on! I know where I am with that!

The only real clue I should have spotted, she always sidled her eyes away from direct contact when we kissed. And yes, I am sixty and she was only twenty – disaster but have you seen the kind of baggage the older ladies bring along
with them. Can't win! Just enjoy the sex!

Stickman's thoughts:

As soon as you mentioned the big tip at th apartment building, we knew something was up. Red flags come in many different forms…