Readers' Submissions

Reverse Your Thinking

  • Written by Stick
  • August 21st, 2004
  • 3 min read


Anonymous Submission


You know, I get tired of hearing sob stories about the bar girl/farang situation. Sure there are a lot of nasty people out there, but aren't there some in our own countries? Take a step back and think about it.

Here's some positive (and negative) comments.

I've been living in Thailand for over 6 years. Came over for the love of a woman. I left a good job, my home, my family, my friends – everything. A big step at 40 years old at that time. We had a bar. It was pretty successful. Everything was honky dory.

However, I'd forgotten to lose my Western values and beliefs. It wasn't too long before my partner got a bit angry. I'd had a long distance relationship with her for 3 years already. NOW, I'm in her country and we've got a business together. Idiot here was trying to run it as a Western concern. Fortunately, I had good friends who'd been here for longer than me and they pointed out the error of my ways – i.e. don't get involved in staff matters, it's a Thai situation. Live and learn.

So, this woman was 34 years old. Had three children through a Thai man. She was from Isaan and I thought I was hearing it all again. Husband died in motorcycle accident etc. However, this time it was true. Her two youngest moved down to be with us

The bar situation wasn't good for them and a separate house was rented. They went to school here – much better education than on the Cambodian border. Business was going well, I was playing loads of golf, drinking with my friends and generally having a good time. NOT messing around. Did I forget one thing? Yes, her.

Now things turn nasty. I can't imagine any pointed, sharp, heavy object readily available in a bar that wasn't used on me. Including TEETH. I bear the scars. Still, I carried on, blissfully unaware of what I was doing to her.

We went regularly to Isaan to see her family – small village. They were great people. Never asked me for anything. All I got was free accommodation, free food and company. I bought a few drinks and the occasional packet of cigarettes in return. Not a bad deal. I officiated at her husband/father's Buddhist funeral celebrations. It was a dual thing. The family had eventually got enough money to pay for the three days. I had to carry the ashes of her father three times round the house whilst she carried the ashes of her husband, behind the monks. Their spirits therefore go to – I'm not sure where, but somewhere special. I've still got the video.

Again, the family never asked me for anything. Can you imagine a small village on the Cambodian border? A big wooden house, the jungle partly cleared to accommodate 2,000 people, a stage where 200 professional musicians and dancers played all night and yours truly having to climb the bamboo ladder to give a speech? I did OK by all accounts. THAT'S ACCEPTANCE. Of a farang, by a Thai community.

Still, the shit went on at home. Who'd lost the plot, her or me? Probably me. Another few years of heartache for both of us and eventually the split a year ago.

We still live in this small town in Thailand. She goes her way and I go mine. There are no problems. I wish her, her children and family well. I'm sure she's prospering.

I'm with another lovely lady. Rented a house together and generally are happy. Again, her family never ask for anything. Her mother is a Mai Chee (Buddhist Nun) at a temple not far out of town. We visit her from time to time. She's a great woman. Her sisters run a Thai/Laos restaurant, so I get spicy food. Her brothers both farm, on the Laos border and down south.

I suppose the point of all this is to explain that not all Thai women are bad. We're all human and make mistakes. Is the bar girl you're with really happy with her existence, or doing it out of dire economic circumstances? Some like it – some don't. Choose wisely.


Stickman’s thoughts:

Why did she attack you? Why did you split up? What advice do you have? This creates more questions than it asks.