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Two Birds In Bangkok



I arrived in Bangkok for the first time in 1989, me and a mate were both in our early 20’s were on our way to Australia and decided to stop in Thailand for a couple of weeks. I’d always been fascinated by Thailand and the seedier side of life after seeing an Alan Whicker documentary about a cruise ship that docked in Pattaya, I was actually more looking forward to my trip to Thailand than my trip down under. I had an acquaintance about 20 years older than me who gave me the run down on where to stay, where the action was and the scams etc etc… he was married to a Thai bird and knew his way around the city, so when we landed there was no messing around, taxi straight to the Crown Hotel Sukumvit, it was at the time a bit of a shithole (maybe it still is?), but it was cheap and the rooms had fridges for the beer and air conditioning, to this day it’s still the only hotel I’ve stayed in that had mirrors on the ceiling, it was quite obvious the type of patron who frequented such a dive, though I had no problem with that, I’m no snob.

After getting our rooms we couldn’t wait to get out and about and went straight on the bevvy, we checked out the Nana Plaza first, and although I did like the bars and atmosphere I was not impressed by the standard of gash hanging around the place, we got bevvied and fed around that area but didn’t take up any of the propositions, there were some right boilers hanging around who I couldn’t believe were trying to charge money for a shag.

As an alternative we checked out Patpong. Back then I found that area to be much more interesting, there were loads of bars to choose from, plenty of shows to see and the area in general had a good atmosphere. The taxi driver who drove us there offered to be our guide and showed us some of the best places to go to, the only payment he asked for on top of the fare(s) was that we supplied the beer. That was no problem as he couldn’t really handle his piss, so it didn’t cost us that much extra. I’m certain he was picking up commission from some of the places he took us to, and he did think he was a bit of a wide boy, but it was convenient for us that he was there to take us all over Bangkok on our first night – in the end up we had trouble getting shot of the prick (I’ll get to that later).

The whores that were on offer in Patpong did not really appeal either, so we asked our guide to take us to places that Thais frequented. He duly obliged and we eventually ended up in some disco/bar type of place. We were the only farangs in the place but were made to feel very welcome, in fact we seemed to be quite a novelty. I don’t think that’d be the case nowadays. Part of the entertainment included a Thai stand up comedian who immediately decided to pick on us. He asked us in English where we were from, then decided to make us the butt of his jokes for most of his act. Obviously we don’t know what the fuck he was saying about us, but whatever it was, the locals thought it was hilarious, and we found the whole thing amusing as well. I wonder how we’d have taken it if we’d actually known the content of his act….As it’s so long ago, I don’t remember the name of the place, but I remember a lot of Thai birds dancing close to each other, as in dancing slowly and holding onto each other, I didn’t know if they were lezzies or if that was the norm for BKK, but my imagination went into overdrive thinking of the possibilities (I know this has been debated previously, but I did and still do think that a lot of Bangkok women are lezzie and bisexual, there is probably some wishful thinking in my assumption, but with some of them it’s quite obvious that they’re not solely interested in meat and two veg)…. <Wishful thinking indeedStick> Anyway, we ended up fairly pissed and had a lot of birds approaching our table. I think out of curiosity more than anything, these birds were definitely not the bargirl variety, not one of them propositioned us or asked for a drink, in fact any offers of drinks we made were refused. I did eventually manage to click with a young bird of 17 by the name of Soudah, her grasp of English was extremely limited, but she appeared to be quite easy going and good natured and much to my surprise she agreed to come back with me to the hotel.

She was my first experience of a bird from the far east and looks wise was not a bad one to start with, the fact that she was so easily persuaded to come back with me had me thinking that she might have been a whore, but she definitely did not have the whore look about her, and when I enquired if she was on the game, she was extremely offended and I ended up really working hard to persuade to stay. In fact I resorted to telling her she misunderstood me because of the language barrier; she also later told me that the wide boy taxi driver did suggest that she charge me for the service, but he was given the Thai equivalent of fuck off by her. She was very well dressed, but definitely not in a bargirl kind of way, and told me she was studying (don’t know if she meant at school or Uni), so I assumed she was a wealthy girl who fancied trying a bit of white meat while practicing her English! I tried to fix my mate up with one of her friends but they were not interested, so on the way back to the hotel we stopped off at a brothel and got him a whore for the night. Now this whore was a looker, no doubt about it, but when comparing the two bits of gash (manner of dress, way they conducted themselves etc etc), it was quite obvious who the whore was; my bird and the whore never exchanged a single word or glance in the taxi, would that be an example of the class divisions in Thailand?

At the hotel we asked the for the keys at reception and proceeded to our respective rooms without any questions being asked by the staff. There were no requests for payment for our guests, that as you all know would not be the case nowadays. When we got to the room and closed the door she seemed really shy and unsure at first, she was definitely not impressed by the décor either; I asked her a number of times if she was sure she wanted to stay, and made it clear to her that she could leave anytime she wanted and I would not cause her any problem, but she assured me that she wanted to stay, I offered her some beer to help her relax, she declined that offer, saying she never touched alcohol. She eventually went to the bathroom and after undressing and showering, emerged with a towel wrapped around her and slid under the sheets, I did the same, thinking (now knowing) it was part of Thai protocol.

I’ll never know for sure, but I reckon I must have been the first piece of white meat she’d ever seen, when she saw the size of my equipment she was astonished (I’m actually average sized for a white man), she kept comparing it to the thickness of her wrist, and was well impressed (I’d never allow a western bird to do such a comparison, don’t think I’d make such a good impression!). After she played around with it for a while, we got down to the nitty gritty, it was obvious she wasn’t experienced, but she was enthusiastic enough, had a shaved pussy with big tits for a Thai; and had a beautiful hair, teeth and skin, her looks more than made up for her inexperience. The strangest thing about this encounter was that she insisted I did not use a rubber, I was a bit anxious about that and tried to persuade her, but she was adamant she didn’t want to use one, I went for it because she was young and appeared clean and respectable (and I was pissed), it turned out to be ok as I never caught AIDS or an STD. In these days of enlightenment and me being older and wiser, I’d never be stupid enough to do it without a rubber again, but I was only a young lad at the time, and as far as I know there was not yet an AIDS epidemic in Thailand, it was the only time I ever went bare back there. We never slept at all that night and at dawn she got up and dressed, saying she had to go, I never asked where as I was too tired to care as I hadn’t slept since leaving Scotland and needed some shut eye. She called a taxi and refused my offer to pay for it, we didn’t exchange any contact details and I never saw her again.

The next few days were spent just kicking around Nana and Patpong, and doing the usual tourist shit, in Patpong we were not particularly impressed by some of the degrading acts being performed, I’m all for a bit of nude dancing and some lesbo action, but the razor blades, darts and cigarettes did nothing for me. We even stumbled upon a place where the girls on stage were quite obviously of the pre-pubescent variety. We didn’t even wait to finish our beers there, when we saw the ages of these girls we were up from our seats and straight out the door; I don’t suppose there’s anything tourists can do to stop such activities, but as far as I am concerned, even if you are only watching it makes you as guilty as the bastards exploiting these children. The taxi driver I mentioned earlier was by now getting right on my tits, as he kept turning up at the hotel offering his services as a guide. We tried explaining to him that he was no longer needed, but he kept turning up night after night anyway. We’d really had enough of him and it all came to a head one night when he arrived at our door with a guy who I assume was his mate. We were getting ready to go out and I happened to be walking around with no shirt on. I saw his mate eyeing up my body but thought nothing of it, he then asked me how old I was and commented that I had a “nice body”. Well I don’t know about the rest of you, but where I come from, men don’t make such remarks to each other unless they are faggots, so enough was enough, they were both told in no uncertain terms to fuck off and not come back. However they would not take us seriously and would not move, so we ended up scrapping with the two of them in the hall. I’ve read on this website how Thais like to set about farangs when the odds are in their favour, well this was two against two and we kicked the shit out of them. They never returned after that, although that may have been because of the threats made to them by the staff at the hotel.

Eventually, we started getting a bit bored with the same old places night after night so one night we went walking in the area around Nana and discovered a small bar in a nearby soi called Virgo. This place was not a gogo bar but more like a hostess type of establishment with whores (all young and attractive) serving behind the bar and mingling with the customers. They really were a breath of fresh air compared to the boilers doing the rounds in Nana. The most obvious thing about this place was the lack of farangs, the majority of customers were of Asian appearance (don’t know if they were locals or from elsewhere) and also a few Yanks seemed to come and go, but again our white skins were not a problem and we were made welcome. This place became my favourite hangout for the remainder of the holiday. We became very friendly with the mamasan of this bar, at 30 she was a bit older than the working girls but she was still attractive. I liked the fact that she dressed in the traditional Thai manner, not in a western way at all. Also she appeared to be very well educated and apparently was multilingual (she claimed to speak English, Danish and Italian). We even taught her some Glaswegian slang which she picked up no problem. She had a great sense of humour and although she constantly made fun of us, she didn’t mind having a laugh at herself either, which is quite unusual considering the Thai obsession about not losing face.

The second night we made a visit there, I enquired about the costs for the girls on offer, the mamasan gave me a rundown of the possibilities but also mentioned that I could have her for free if I fancied it (we did spend a lot on booze though, so the bar did ok out of us financially, maybe that’s why she offered me the freebie?). Being a tight bastard, I chose the mamasan, and it turned out to be a good choice, as well as being good company, that woman was tremendous in bed and I spent the remainder of the holiday with her. My mate could have had one of her girls at a reasonable price but he chose not to. He didn’t like the idea of paying for it in this establishment while I was getting freebies, so he pretty much did his own thing after that. I won’t go into too much detail about all that he got up to by himself (you can imagine), but there is a funny story about an encounter he had with one particular whore, they got down to the business and were at it in the missionary position, he got a bit bored with that and turned her round and started going at it doggy style, not up the arse, just the normal hole, but she didn’t like this because she preferred just lying on her back like a starfish, she ended up leaving him before he finished, saying that he was too young and she preferred old men as they didn’t tire her out so much, we found that hilarious, ageism in reverse! He didn’t get any refund either…..

For the rest of the week, me and the mamasan just hung out together and had fun, she showed me Bangkok from a Thai perspective and was a great guide. She always negotiated prices with the locals with me out of sight. The vendors and taxi drivers never looked particularly happy when I’d appear from around the corner after they’d agreed on transactions at the Thai rates. We did the usual touristy stuff and she also showed me where she lived and told me a bit about her life. She had two children who lived with their grandmother. They were half Danish and she was a widow. Her husband had died in a car crash (so she told me anyway) and they’d had to return from Denmark to Thailand after his death; I don’t know why they didn’t stay in Denmark, I didn’t pry. She worked in Bangkok to support her children, but mentioned that one day she hoped to find a western guy who she could marry and be a father to her children. When she told me this, it was the only time I felt uneasy in her company, but she spotted the worried look on my face and laughed, saying “don’t worry, you just boy, you can’t be father to my children, we just have fun together”. I have to admit I was relieved to hear this, much as I liked her, I had no plans to get tied down with a widow/mamasan and her ready made family. At night I’d kick around the city trawling the bars, always making hers my last port of call. She was always pleased to see me, and not once did I ever find her with another man when I arrived. She told me she never did business with the customers herself, I’m sure she was talking shit, but in the time I spent there I never saw any evidence to the contrary, not that I’d have minded anyway, it’s not as if she was my property. The sex was tremendous so I assume she must have learnt her tricks in the whoring profession at some time. The only annoying thing was that she liked to sleep on top of me when we’d finished, she wasn’t particularly heavy, but the two bodies locked together in the Bangkok heat did cause us to sweat a lot. When it was time for me to leave, there were no crocodile tears and she didn’t come to the airport either, she did give me her contact details though and I did promise to keep in touch, but in those days there was no email or SMS, and I didn’t bother to write or call; when I returned to the bar a year later, the name, management and staff had all changed, so I never saw her again either. I hope she found what she was looking for, I don’t think I’ve ever met a nicer person than her anywhere…

Since those days I have indulged further in women of far eastern origin, not only Thai, but also Malaysian, Chinese and Indonesian, but it’s the two lovelies mentioned in this story that have made lasting impression on me. Despite all the travelling I have done to far flung places, I eventually settled down with a blonde and am now in the process of going through a divorce that’s costing me a five figure sum after years of boredom and misery, still at least I got a nice daughter out it. It is now my mission in life to make sure she doesn’t turn into the miserable bitch that her mother is…..but that’s not a story for this website. I’m footloose and fancy free again and am looking to get out and about, I’m now in my mid 30’s but still looking to have some fun (I’ve still got a full head of hair and all of my teeth), however, Thailand no longer has the same appeal. I really think the place has deteriorated alarmingly since my first trip, although I think both the farangs and the Thais have contributed to that. I wonder where I could go that is like the Bangkok I found 15 years ago, maybe such a place no longer exists?

Stickman's thoughts:

Nice stuff. It is funny how we look back on our first trip fondly, even though we may have done a lot more on subsequent trips. I can remember my first trip to Thailand clearly and have many fond memories.