Why Farang Women Should Not Hate Thailand

I was a child of the '60s – a baby boomer who came into pubescence when rock and drugs were a revelation. I loved to see my short-back-and-sides father rail against Joe Cocker. Though my country was backward (as I perceived it) compared to the sights and sounds I was receiving from overseas, I thought that that particular time of my life, breaking out of the constricts of the post-war years as we were, was terribly exciting (I still do think that). But I was an unattractive kid. Throughout my school years I had to really force myself onto people just to have someone to talk to. I would scurry around delivering messages for people and try to ingratiate myself with all and sundry because it was the only way I could make friends. But no girl would come near me. In my later teens, I would dress in all manner of weird gear and prance off to discos to try to pick up a babe – I was tired of wanking and wanted to know what it was like to have a real GF and lover. But it never happened. No chick was interested in me. I went through highs and lows – I even put a gun in my mouth at one stage because I was so depressed at seeing all my friends with GFs and I was going to bed alone, every night. My hormones were raging, and all I had was Mrs Palmer and her 5 daughters. I played lots of sport and was in great physical condition, but no girl wanted me, no matter how hard I tried – I was just too ugly and insignificant for them. I was and still am an inherently decent human being – these days people call me a "salt of the earth" type character, good guy and trustworthy and reliable and the type of friend and solid citizen-type and shoulder to cry on that everyone needs. But!!!

I went to another country, but nothing changed. I stayed there for 15 years, but I became a soak, a desperate and lonely man (as far as women were concerned, though I had a lot of friends). Because of my background, I found it very difficult to strike up conversations with women, though I never gave up.

I gained sexual solace with prostitutes. They were the only females who would give me the time of day (sexually). Yes, I had female friends, but it was very much friendship only, no touching. God how I miss some of them — they were fabulous people. How sad that I'll never see them again. As the years went by, my situation didn't change. I moved through eras of drugs, alcohol and rampant bouts of prostitution. I finally quit this scene and headed off further overseas. I back-packed through Europe and then returned to my country, determined that I would settle down somehow and be a good model citizen (you wouldn't believe how much I craved that). I was now well travelled and experienced in the ways of the world and I had a good job and had no quirks in my personality other than that I had no experience of a relationship with a woman (I had got over my drink and drugs problem). My nieces and nephews loved me. I could go riding and cycling and boating and boarding with them while other men my age were turning to seed. I could tell stories and show pix and film of great adventures (well, in their minds, if no one else's) of travels through Europe and Asia, of meeting great people through my job, of dining on exotic foods. But at the back of my mind, I always wondered what they thought of the fact that their uncle did not have a GF or wife. I was lonely, and everyone knew it. People sensed that I was a desperately lonely character, full of bonhomie and good cheer and with a wealth of experience, and a heart full of integrity and decency, and yet incapable of developing a relationship (how could I, I had zilch experience?). Eventually I left my homeland a dispirited character because I could not find happiness there. I ended up (to cut a long story short) in Thailand. In terms of sex, I was soon satiated. In terms of love I was completely fooled, but nothing is changed there – but at least I could finally say "tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". In terms of finding a place where I had no worries about fitting in, I was in heaven — you can call it delusion, you can call it self-deception, but it's irrelevant. And don't tell me it's "paid-friends". Anyone who thinks like that is mixing in the wrong circles.

I don't live a shallow life of bar-hopping. I live in a nice little house in a nice little suburb (well, in Bangkok terms) with all the middle-class trappings. I could go on, but the main thing is, I finally have confidence in myself as a worthy human being, instead of being the "odd man out". I am never lost for company, my friends are not social misfits, rather decent, intelligent, superbly interesting people. Like myself, they are well travelled and open minded and find it more enjoyable to live here amongst like-minded folk. But the most interesting thing that has happened is that I am no longer shy with women. Thanks to Thai whores (if you want to be so crude), I have finally got over my shyness. Thanks to them, I have finally learned to be comfortable with women – they have taught me that my physical disagreeability is meaningless. Whereas before I used to sit amongst western women with a lot of self-doubt because I could sense I was being assessed and disregarded as an unworthy mate, now I don't give a flying f… . I have a respectable wife and a doting daughter, both of whom see only a loving human being. Can someone tell me what is wrong with that? The bottom line is that Thai prostitutes, God bless 'em, have actually given me some meaning in my life, rather than make me feel like the spare prick at a wedding. They have helped me to feel like a man, someone who has a worthwhile purpose in life – which is to contribute to society (pity that it's here and not in my own country, but I feel no regrets about that) and raise a beloved child who will be a worthy citizen one day. I'm not a lost soul, looking for love in all the wrong places. I looked in a "wrong" place and found something that was "right". And as the years roll on, I'm becoming more the complete man, father, husband and provider. There's a chance this could have happened back home, but it didn't. It happened here, in Thailand. I bear no ill-will to the women back home who rejected me, but it would be churlish for them to bear me any in return. I wish them all happiness. Sorry if this sounds like a drunken rave, but I have had a few beers and just wanted to get something off my chest because of something I read on another website. You can flame me at the email below.

Stickman's thoughts:

Wow, heavy stuff.