Stickman Readers' Submissions June 22nd, 2004

So You Want To Rescue A Bargirl

I've heard and read the stories, seen the drama unfold before my eyes. I always dismissed it as a futile cause, and for the most part it still is.

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But there was a certain situation that got my attention. Somebody I know, just an acquaintance, is in a relationship with a bar girl. Many a time I've counseled him on the trials and tribulations of what seemed to be his worst night
mare. His girlfriend was fucking around on him, he'd dumped her several times but they always managed to get back together.

I used to shake my head, and I'd always advise him to just move on. But her persistence in maintaining a relationship was strong, even I came to believe that she really loved him, she was just screwed up and dysfunctional.

You had to admire the guy's hope, he obviously saw something in her that nobody else has seen. But then something happened, something I was skeptical about at first, but in the recent year I've come to realize this girl is for real,
she has stopped fucking around on her man and has made a grueling effort to turn her life around and do something positive with it.

My buddy later confided in me that it was she who came to him this time with a plea to end this lifestyle. The typical action he and most other farangs would take would be to send the girl some money, make her go home to her village, get
her in to some kind of vocational training or schooling.

Sounds easy and too idealistic, and we all know the pitfalls the girls tend to fall in when they try to go down this road. If you've got a girl you're sponsoring, you find yourself checking up on her, spying on her, people go as
far as to hire private investigators.

Those methods are all great but don't actually solve the problem. You found out your Thai bargirl is fucking around you. So what you want the Junior G-man award or something? We can all safely assume these girls are liars and will fuck
around on you.

So did how did my friend do it? He requested outside assistance. He contacted some NGO in Thailand that deals in Labor, child exploitation, human trafficking, stuff like that.

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They didn't help him directly but eventually after he got the run-around for a few weeks he finally got referred to some folks who could help. That was almost a year ago, and I haven't spoken to my friend in a few months. The last
I heard things were going great, they were working on a visa and his girlfriend had been taking courses in beauty school for some months.

The charity organization gave her all of the personal assistance her man could be there to provide. They also understood her better since they spoke her language and could understand her situation better. So basically he brought in a third
party to help. I thought it was pretty smart. He said it took him a while before he found somebody that actually gave a shit, but if you keep looking you'll find that there are plenty of decent folk out there.

So I thought about it. And I asked why more people don't get involved with this? If the girl's not interested in something like this, hey it could be a sign they don't want your help, they just want your money.

A third party can do a lot, they can check up on your girl, make sure she's ok and that she's staying focused. If you're girl is trying to make a change, she's got to want out. She's got to do it for herself, not
for you.

Also, the last time I spoke with my friend he was talking about getting her to go see a shrink. He figured that since she had such a dysfunctional childhood (her father beat her all of the time) that maybe her self destructive behavior and
personality is due to psychological trauma. That was another interesting perspective. A majority of these girls have to be screwed up in the head. Did it ever occur to anybody that a lot of these girls are the way they are, or they do the things
they do because they're just fucking nuts? All I'm saying is MAYBE to an extent they can't help being what they are. So maybe a little time in the crazy house can do your girl some good.

Just something to think about for those of you out there who are putting yourself through torture. If you want to help the girl do it right. I'm not saying it's easy, or that if you do it like this everything will be all good, but
I think you're girlfriend's chance of doing something positive with her life will dramatically increase if you request the assistance of people who help people like bar girls for a living.

Stickman's thoughts:

A lot of these girls are damaged emotionally, that’s for sure. It is asking a lot of a guy to provide the commitment needed to see her through it.

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