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Stickman Readers' Submissions May 14th, 2004

The Folded 500

By Dan 26 In Phuket

He Clinic Bangkok

Your readers submissions are always a good read, and it never fails to amaze me how some of these unlucky guys manage to get themselves into such a tangle. Stories of love, money and heart break appear on a regular basis but the submission always reads as if they were the only one to ever experience such ravaging misjustice.

I am writing from the other side. I have been in Phuket for the last five years and with my girlfriend for the last four years. I speak the language and know the family. Two of my sisters in law have worked in the phuket bar scene. One is now married to an Aussie who had known her for little over 4 months before the wedding, and who still has know idea that her former husband is still alive, let alone suffering from AIDs. The other is currently in serious relations with at least four guys. Each one has mentioned marrying and taking her back the there countries of origin, yet not one of them knows that she has an 8 year old daughter. She is still working so there are also other guys involved but not long term. Some readers will probably think I’m an ass not to enlighten these poor farang about the problems they are getting into but I feel family come first and they wouldn't want to hear or believe it anyhow.

So what am I doing writing this. Well this is a wake up call to any farang who thinks that they can have ‘love at first sight’ without consequences, and for those guys who think that their bargirl is “different”. Unfortunately the economic predicament with forces 90% of these girls to be working in the first place, comes with attachments. Most of these girls cannot and do not desire to hold down any other type of employment. Even those who want too, have big problems with having residence papers (ta-bien baan) for the province where they work, and even if they did the wage bracket for early school levers is in the range of 6,000 baht ($US 150) compared to the 18,000 baht ($US 450) per month for average bar workers. In my opinion the issues relating to the average bar girl philosophy start way before they even reach the bar. Cultural differences such as dowry payments, the obligation to mothers, and the predicament of having a previous husband and probably children to support, and tendency to ‘live for today’ all contribute to their actions. There is no quick and easy fix for these problems and the bargirls should not be looked down on as they are just trying to make a living.

There is however an easy fix for us farang. We expect the girls we meet in bars to be completely honest in answering questions (mistake No.1), however we are too slow to be honest with yourselves. Ask yourself if you would marry a prostitute in your home country? What would your family think when you explain where you met? How well matched are we as people? Being unable to communicate due to the language barrier does not give us an excuse to ignore these questions. One simple test of trust and understanding is to give your special lady a 500 baht note folded in a special way so as to be recognized, and say that she has to hold on to it for you and return it the following day. If this doesn’t work out then don’t start building a house in her name, and don’t work to hard on getting a residence visa to your home country.

I sincerely hope that readers will prove me wrong and live happily ever after. For those who are heart broken, this is still the best country to be in but you have been playing the wrong game, get out there enjoy the pleasures of the flesh.

Stickman's thoughts:

There we are gentlemen….just more support to what I have always said about the dangers of entering into relationships with these girls.