Stickman Readers' Submissions May 12th, 2004

Life, Ride It For All It’s Worth Part 1

She cracked it – she got her visa this morning – no more funny anecdotes, nothing exciting happened at all – the embassy simply asked, “When do you leave, and when do you come back?” She replied, and they said “OK.” “Please wait, and we will sort out your passport.”
That was it. (Aside from the two trees that had to die because of the paperwork with the application form)

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She is now the happiest little Thai girl since the last one that got her visa. She’s going to live in England with me for 5 months.

So, what chance do you give us?

Let me fill in some gaps.

I am the owner director of 2 International businesses. She’s a former waitress and bargirl.

I have to read a balance sheet for millions of pounds of expenditure. She has to empty the ATM each time I send money.

My income is several times the national average. So was hers for a short while.

I drink wine mostly, on weekends – rarely during the week. She guzzles beer and Thai whisky virtually every other day.

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I read 2 or 3 books a week. She watches TV.

I socialize with the wealthy, sometimes the famous. She socializes with the poor and downtrodden.

My family are barristers, accountants, and more directors. Hers are rice farmers, and mothers.

My Children are educated, bright and articulate. She is 20 – 6 years older than my eldest and 17 years younger than I – she is less educated than my 11 year old (That sounds like some kind of lateral puzzle – I am 37, she is 20, my 2 children are 14 and 11.)

I like various sorts of English and American music, sometimes Latino. She likes Thai music 90% +.

I live on my own, and have done for 2 years – before that I lived with my ex for nearly 20 years. Her longest shared experience was 5 months. The guy then tried to shoot her!

I cannot have more children (A funny story – I had no idea how painful the “snip” would be. I didn’t read the leaflets, I simply let them role me into theatre, where a 6 foot plus black man grabbed my gonads with a smirk on his face– and then, along with the assistance of several nurses – there to tell jokes I presume “It will only be a little prick Mr Director hahah” etc etc. He stabbed at my nuts with a needle several times before achieving the desired expression on my face, thereby releasing litres of anaesthetic into my testicles – he then jabbed, thrust and poked about and with each excruciating stomach wrenching tug, he withdrew a piece of pasta, or what looked like pasta, from my scrotum, he then did the other side with equal aplomb. I asked him how soon I could ride a bicycle after! (I know he had hold of my nuts, and I could have asked him how soon I can have sex, but it didn’t seem the right thing to ask) and he said I could ride home if I was brave enough and fast enough (The anaesthetic wears off in 20 mins) so that was that, and actually reading this back, it wasn’t funny. Sorry. Anyway, I can’t have kids, and she loves kids.

She is my first proper / declared girlfriend after leaving my wife – My ex wife cried when I told her she was coming. My mother told me I was a fool, and my father has reserved judgement for just the right moment, so he can say “I told you so”. My Sister is the only supporting member of my immediate family.

My best pal is jealous, my next closest pal has just left his wife, and was hoping we could go out “on the pull” together, so he’s pissed off.

A Nigerian girl that’s sexy, articulate, obviously beautiful, intelligent, and adores me has chased me. (She's a part time model.) She is now pissed off with me.

She is leaving behind her family, her religion, her friends etc, to live in large luxurious flat on her own, waiting for her man to come home. A man that works 10 hours a day, sometimes 6 days a week.

So what do we have in common – she makes me laugh, I make her laugh…um… oh yes… No… not just yet…hold on, no…Ahh, yes, she makes me feel half my age…. no… I am feeling her, and she IS nearly half my age.

Seriously, she’s great fun to be around, she makes others laugh, she’s fun, happy, bright, she will learn, she has a good heart, everyone of my friends and suppliers love her. She’s street wise, my kids will learn to love her I’m sure, and as for me – she’s done the Thai thing, she’s done what Thai girls do. She drew me in with lust and sex on my brain, she held me there just enough to get me to send money, then she got that hook in, and that was that. Will we marry – probably not. Will she put up with me for 5 months, probably not. Am I going to give it everything I’ve got? YEP.

This was her dream, this was the golden ticket – she asked me to help her cash it in, and I’m going to give it my best shot.

It's cold here, it's unfriendly, women will hate her, men will be jealous. She won’t like the food, she won’t like being on her own. Then you’ve way of life, transport when I’m not about – you can’t just wave a taxi down in my town. Friends will be difficult to come by, oh my word; I could go on and on.

She begged me, and pleaded with me to come – this is her dream, so I’m going to let her have her shot, and who knows what tomorrow might bring.

I have no idea what will happen, I’m just going with it for now, and I’m going to keep you folks posted of how it goes. She gets here 5th June, and I’ll try to do a monthly report.

I think this reads back a little gloomy, and almost as though I don’t want this to work, so let me indulge you with some of my cunning plans

We will eat in every Thai restaurant within 50 miles, and regularly. My sister will be on hand to take her out. (My sister has a farm and horses). She can walk to my office in 5 mins at any time. I will try to have lunch with her every day, many of my customers, and friends are waiting to meet her, we have several weekend breaks organized. I have ordered magazines, CDs and DVDs for her in Thai, I have found the local Thai food specialist, I have kept in touch with a guy from “Visit Visor” and his Thai bride, and we are going to visit them. My girl has a friend that is married to an Englishman that has just come here, my sister is going to lend me one of her dogs, my mum I know will come around every so often, even if its just to please me. Her aunt is visiting from Switzerland, we have a music festival booked (Camping – Christ, what was I thinking!) we’ve a canal cruise for a week booked, the girls in my office have work for her if she wants it, then we’ve music concerts, amusement parks, castles, walks, Shakespeare (WHAT? How did that get in there) Museums, London, the Lake District, Wales, Scotland, and lastly, I intend to leave my apartment in the most terrible tip before I leave to pick her up.

If this works, I hope we’ve the patience to make it last. If it doesn’t, I hope she will allow me to make her comfortable, and not bitter like so many others. Am I teasing her, am I showing her a part of life she shouldn’t get a taste for, or am I giving her a “Life experience”, that she will remember with fondness, and affection.

It’s too late to go back, so we’re going to go forward, and have some fun along the way.
Life is amazing – you get one crack at it, so grab it by the scruff of the neck and bloody ride the thing.

Stickman's thoughts:

Good luck!

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