Stickman Readers' Submissions May 15th, 2004

Bringing Her Back Home

In his recent submission title “Life, Ride It For All It’s Worth” The Director gave us his thoughts about bringing his Thai sweetheart back home with him to the UK. He wrote:

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Am I teasing her, am I showing her a part of life she shouldn’t get a taste for, or am I giving her a “Life experience”, that she will remember with fondness, and affection.

That is precisely the exact question I asked myself before I brought a Thai girl from Isaan to my home city. The obvious answer is of course both are utterly correct and The Director (like myself) will have to live with that fact. Amongst the people whose opinion I value and respect I found there was two diametrically opposed schools of thought. Firstly taking a girl out of her regular environment and showing her how wealthy people live, but all the while with the intention of sending her back to poverty when I was bored of her could be considered a cruel and despicable act. On the other hand I had people commend me for my act of generosity and compassion with my ability to give so much to somebody from an underprivileged background. (It did cost me a lot of money to bring a Thai girl back home). In the end I tried not to focus too heavily on the philosophical side of the adventure and just enjoy the moment and try to understand Thai people better.

Most Western men who go to the effort to obtain a visa for their Thai girlfriend to visit their home country in the West are usually determined individuals and have a certain amount of disposable income. They come from the middle to upper income brackets and are often quite well travelled and knowledgeable.

I do not believe that the gap in class, wealth, experience, education, knowledge or age that exists between a Western man and his Thai girlfriend is the main hindrance to a successful visit to the West when both parties have genuine motives in the relationship.

In his submission the Director went to great lengths to point out the obvious inequalities between himself and his Thai girlfriend. He outlined numerous intricate plans he had thought up to keep his Thai girlfriend happy in the UK. The Director wrote that he intended to focus on activities, friendships and diet.

Given my experience I would suggest that most Thai girls are not particularly adventurous and whilst they get bored at home, they don’t want to go and conquer all the sights of the UK.

They don’t want to eat in every Thai restaurant or try to make friends with every contact in your filofax.

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They want to eat at one or two Thai restaurants where they can speak Thai to make their order and the food is not too Westernized (this does not just mean heaps of chilli). More importantly they want to get Asian style produce so they can cook at home and stink up your apartment.

They will want to get to know a couple of your friends that they feel comfortable around and that is about it. They will want to talk Thai and associate with Thai people but only if they can find people of their own class in the area.

The best thing you can do is source a current supply of the latest Thai videos / soap operas / variety shows. Try to find out if you can get a dodgy cable TV with Thai channels. This is worth more to your relationship than anything else you could possibly do or offer.

Don’t try overly hard to make your Thai girlfriend happy because she will become uncomfortable with the pressure. And she will not be capable of telling you what she wants and how, when and why she wants it because she probably doesn’t even know herself. And it will be almost impossible for you to understand what her problems are so don’t get yourself in a knot trying to figure out Thai logic and how it applies to a Western environment.

Instead the thing you need to concentrate on is keeping her “warm”. Thai people are very sensitive and when they feel warmth then they are most comfortable. It may just be the way you smile at her or the way you talk softly to her that makes her last 5 months with you. This is far more important than taking her on a canal cruise. (but a cruise is nice too)

You will begin to know within the first fortnight if your girl has got what it takes to make it in the West. Obtaining the visa can be extremely hard but it is only the very first hurdle.

Good Luck

Stickman's thoughts:

The dodgy cable TC idea sounds good!

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