Readers' Submissions

Who Would Have Thought?

  • Written by JR
  • April 21st, 2004
  • 6 min read



About six years ago I met a cashier working at one of the non-dancing pubs on Patpong 2. Through a Thai friend and the owner of the place we convinced the girl that I was a good guy and that she should go out with me. I was 40 at the time and she was 32. No kids. Good English. Pretty. Perfect, I thought. Things went well for a few dates and then I bedded her and we became steady lovers. Since I live in Hong Kong I was able to fly over to Bangkok frequently and fly her here. It became a routine arrangement with vacations to Koh Samui, the Philippines, Malaysia and Bali. I spent a lot of money on the girl – daily phone calls, gifts, dinners, paying for her tuition to beautician school, a hefty monthly allownace and capping her front teeth at her request to make her more pretty (not that it was necessary, she is very good looking).

I tired of the “dating” routine and decided that since we got along so well and because we were both getting on in life, that we should simply get married and get on with life as a couple. I became quite excited about the prospect of being married to her. It would have been my first marriage and hers too from what she had told me. So, on one fateful Friday, I packed the HK$65,000 diamond engagement ring I bought, flew over to Bangkok and checked into the Sheraton. Waiting for me in the lobby when I arrived was what I believed to be my soon to be wife. After a short hug we went to “our” room where I planned to propose marriage and reveal "our" life’s plan as I saw it. I told her that we would stay on in Hong Kong as long as I could. In the meantime we would buy a condo or property in Phuket for retirement. We may have to return to my home country to live for a few years to keep steady employment with my company and to be eligible for retirement benefits if it came to that, etc. I spelled it all out. I told her about my net worth, investments and all the other things that would be important to a couple moving through life together. I then showed her the engagement ring and asked her to marry me and come along for the ride. She listened carefully to all that I said and then she spoke.

She said she would marry me if I would first buy her a house in Bangkok, a car and a beauty salon; all in her name. Also, if I would pay to build her mother a new house in Narathiwat. She added that if I did all that, I would always have a place to stay and a car to drive when I came to Bangkok to visit. I said that if we were married I expected my wife to live with me in Hong Kong or where ever I was posted until I retired. She said she wasn’t going to leave Bangkok. I sat there looking at this girl whom I had spent the better part of four years with and spent a good sum of money on with gifts, allowance, trips, hotels, dinners, etc. I must of had one hell of a confused look on my face. She asked me what was wrong. I wasn't struck with shock. All I thought about was how clever this girl had been to keep her true colours hidden from me all these years. I really felt odd. After taking about a minute to digest what I just heard, I said, honey, instead of buying you all these things maybe it would be a better idea if you get up, walk to the door, open it, walk out and don’t come back. She looked at me and asked if that was what I wanted. I said based on your conditions for marriage, yes, that's what I wanted. She said ok, and she did just that. She left. Just like that. No looking back at me. She simply got up and left. It’s been over two years and I haven't heard from that girl since. It was over in a flash.

I popped a beer from the mini bar and gave her about 30 minutes to clear the hotel. I then got a taxi and went to Nana. I picked up a BG I had seen before when I was "single" in Bangkok and brought her back to the hotel for one hell of a good night. I gave her B1,500 in the morning for her troubles and spent the rest of the day by the pool thinking how lucky I was to have found my head before I turned the mistake I already made into a major catastrophe by marrying the love of my life. I returned to Hong Kong the following day and was fortunate to get back the money I spent on the ring. I told the dealer that I wouldn't be coming back anytime soon. For a Chinese diamond merchant, he was pretty decent about it all.

In retrospect, I don't think ill of the girl. We had some laughs and she was kind enough to reveal what she was all about before she walked out. She did what she thought was best for her and was good enough to let me know. All I think about now is that she's probably some other farang's girlfriend. My turn is over and I'm grateful to be out of the money drain. I pat myself on the back for thinking with my big head rather than my little head at that crucial moment in time, even if I was four years late in doing so. I cringe when I think of what my life (and bank account) would be like today. Since that chapter in my life has passed, I have been back to Bangkok many times and enjoyed my time there more than I ever did in the past. As the wise man said, having a steady girlfriend in Thailand is like taking a bologna sandwich to a banquet. It's a lot cheaper to enjoy the banquet.

So, to all you lovers of Thai girls, beware of the allure of Thai women. They're addictive and they are irresistible. However, the mind of a woman in any country is hard for men to figure. Thai women are even more so for farangs. I finally accepted that Thai women are far too deep for me to figure. So, I gave up. I enjoy being with them and I love them to death, but it would a risky venture for me to get too serious about one again no matter how good she looks or how great she is in bed or how many times she tells me she loves me. Those are my thoughts only. We all have to find our own equilibrium living in Asia. But, I equate getting serious about a Thai woman to going to a casino. Very few gamblers win. The odds are with the house. Stickman is fortunate. He beat the odds.

For my good friend Andrew.

Stickman says:

Wow… One has to at least admire this girl for being upfront with you which, as you say, helped to prevent what may have been a lifetime (or at least a few years) of misery.