Readers' Submissions

Still In Shock

  • Written by Jam
  • April 8th, 2004
  • 13 min read



I am still in shock about all of this and I still have a very hard time believing that it even happened. I gather you must read that all the time so you are prepared for the standard I met a bargirl fell in love and she took me for everything I have type thing, but this is not like that at all. I guess that is why I am so confused by the whole thing, maybe you can shed some light on it for me. I will try to keep it as short and to the point as I can.

A few months ago I was on a personals' website (you know like match.com etc..) looking over some of the local profiles of people near me in Canada. Due to some sort of database mix-up one of the profiles that showed up as local was in fact that of a Thai girl that listed Samut Songkran as her location not having idea where that was I msg'd her and said hi and we started chatting. This went on for a number of weeks and over that time I learned she was in Thailand, 31, worked in a family business in her area, all pretty basic sort of stuff. I had not only never been to Thailand I really didn't know anything about it. After meeting her online I did a Google search on Bangkok and your site came up, so I brought it up and started reading it all and needless to say was shocked at some of what I read regarding guys being taken advantage of and the nightlife idea in general. Not judging it, just shocked that, that sort of thing actually existed. So back to my "friend" we continued to talk and at some point she offered me her phone number, I called her a few times (her English was quite good) she explained she has worked with the public for sometime hence the quality of her language skills. I thought this girl and I were forming a very nice little friendship, I was sure she was not a working girl as the times I called her from Canada (being 12 hours behind Bangkok) would have made it 10 to 12 in the evenings there and I doubt she would be able to skip work that many times to talk to me on the phone. Plus she had a webcam and often went on cam for me and I could see she was at home, even saw her mother walk by a few times during our chats. She called me the odd time too, nothing sexual, nothing I am deeply madly in love with you, just really enjoyed talking to each other and we seemed to have many things in common. She explained about good Thai girls vs. bad, taught me a whole bunch about how things are in Thailand and just in general we talked about life. Well I thought, and she made it seem, that we had a nice friendship and we both talked about the idea of meeting at some point. Naturally it would mean me going there, but after reading so much about Thailand on your site I could see there was more to the country than gogo bars and I was interested to see the country as well as meeting my new friend. I had no illusions of anything other than meeting her and more or less having a local tour guide for a few weeks.

So the plans were made, I booked 3 weeks holidays. I booked a room for a couple of nights in Bangkok for when I first got there, then we booked ten days on Koh Mak to get out of the city and check out some of the natural beauty that Thailand has to offer. About a week before I was due to fly out my friend told me that there were some problems with her grandmother's health and although coming over would still be fine, she didn't think she'd be able to make the long trip to Koh Mak in case something happened with her grandmother she needed to be closer, I understood made perfect sense to me. Plus she had already mentioned up front she worked in a family run business with her cousin so I knew that going in, as in she had to work around her cousins's schedule again all seemed fine to me. So the new plan was we would spend the first few days in Bangkok then play it by ear as to where we went from there. But she seem happy and impressed that I would make that trip to see her. I was looking forward to it, as much to see the country as meet her.

My arrival date came and I as cleared customs in the Airport and made my way out in the passenger meeting area there she was. I have to say she was lovely in the pics I had of her and always looked nice on cam, but nothing could have prepared me for how absolutely stunning she was in person. I mean just 100% perfect, everything about her. Lovely face, features, very nice slim but not too skinny, dressed very casually and classy, nice pair of regular jeans, t shirt, running shoes… just a really sweet nice and sensible looking girl. If it matters I am ten years older than her, my 41 to her 31 so nothing outlandish about age. She seemed very happy to see me, we caught a cab to the hotel. Unpacked went to dinner, talked, laughed had a great time. She taught me some Thai words I helped her with some English she wanted to know about. We made plans for the rest of our time together. I have to be honest and say it was by far the nicest or one of the very nicest nights I'd ever spent in my life. The next day only got better, she took me around to see the usual tourist traps for shopping, showed me the sky train and we made more plans for the rest of the week.. walked around the city. I mean I can't even begin to explain how much fun it was. I also have to admit that at this point I was actually starting to feel much more for this girl than just a friend, or rather I was wondering if there was that possibility. We talked a bit the second night about goals and future plans we each had for our lives etc.. just the general stuff. But there was no question she appeared to be enjoying herself too. We did not have sexual contact of any kind, no kissing, making out nothing of the sort.. maybe hugged once before bed one night, that's it.

So, I should point out that one of things she had mentioned to me before I got to Thailand was that she sometimes would not be able to log into the net to chat or email as she went to visit her Aunt or Grandmother and neither of them had computers. I filed that bit of info for my trip. She told me that as a point of fact not for any other reason. I happen to own a computer consulting firm here in Canada and as such I get computers and parts very reasonably priced. So as a gesture of goodwill and a gift to my travel guide I took along a laptop computer for her as a gift. Nothing top of the line or anything like that, it was worth maybe 800 dollars Cdn, so somewhere around 24 or 25 thousand baht. Not an earth shattering amount of money. I also brought her a few t shirts etc, that said Toronto, or Canada on them, you know little things from my country. I brought her the laptop totally unknown to her and she seemed completely shocked and she tried to say she couldn't accept it. I explained that it was not a big expense to me and that I would be happy for her to have it so I would be able to chat with her from where ever she happened to be in the future, she could just take her computer along and dial in from anywhere, she seemed touched by the gesture and thanked me profusely.

We are now heading into our third day together and all is just great, not only do I have a really nice new friend but it seems clear that in person we have gelled far more than either of us were expecting. Our friendship is just humming along and we both starting making funny jokes about the old boy if you didn't live so far away stuff…..things like that. So while out shopping we of course went by a number of gold and jewerly stores lord knows they are everywhere haha… and on a whim I asked her if I could buy her a little token of my friendship for her which I did. Again nothing fancy a nice little ring that cost me 17,000 baht. Maybe 500 or so Cdn dollars. She was thrilled and put it on right away and seemed very taken by it. That night we went out to dinner and as we were eating her cell phone rang and she took on a rather grave look and after the call she told me that there were some problems with both her Grandmom and at the shop it looked like she needed to go home for a day or two. I completely understood and said I would be more than able to muddle by for a few days on my own and that we would hook back up later in the week and go from there. She seemed down right teary eyed the next morning when I took her to the cab to take her to the bus station to go home. This was a Monday morning. I puttered around for a day or two and then got a msg at the hotel desk from her the second day that she would be back the next day and that she would try to call me later that evening. Awesome I was happy to see her and ready to spend more time with her. That was it….. done….

I never heard another word from her. Her cell phone suddenly was not working. Never answered any of my emails… I mean just nothing. It was like she had fallen off the face of the earth. Two days, three days.. a week nothing… I mean she just vanished. I had the front desk call her cell phone number for me and tell me what the msg was that I was hearing as it was in Thai they said it was saying that this number was no longer in service. I sent email to her hotmail account it came back account closed…. I was and of course still am completely baffled by the whole thing. The only thing that even set me off as to the fact that I was being played in some odd way was that when her hotmail bounced back I assumed hey it's hotmail we all know how bad it can suck so I logged back into the personal's site we first met on.. on that site if you look at a user's profile one of the things it tells you is the last time that user logged on. Well as you can well guess it showed that my "friend" had logged in the night before, then a few days later I checked again and sure enough she had logged in again. I left her msg's there which she did not answer so it was not a Hotmail issue, I was being ignored. All this from a so called "good" Thai girl. So I took off to Pattaya and spent the last week of my vacation checking out the beach and yes I did go to a gogo bar and for the last few days I barfined a young lady and whether you believe me or not I did not have sex with her. I guess I was just feeling lost and lonely and like a huge fool so I just wanted some companionship. She was a nice girl, was a little surprised to say the least that I didn't want to "boom boom" with her.. but she seemed to adjust to it ok. We had a very nice time and she never asked me for a single thing. No big promises or anything like that, again just looking for someone to talk to I guess. But back to my first issue…

What in the world do you make of that first girl??? At the very most the stuff I gave her was worth 50 thousand baht to her. That is not really that much money in the big picture, but more importantly what I don't get is, this girl knew I was totally smitten with her and she must have figured out that money was not one of my problems in life, obviously being naive is. I would have happily sent her 30,000 a month if she asked.. I mean good lord that's 1k bucks.. who cares.. she could have taken me for tons more than she got.. do you see any logic to her actions at all??? If I could make any sense of what happened I think it wouldn't be so confusing to me. She was not a bargirl, she never asked for anything, she never made me any crazy promises, nor I to her. She came across as the most sincere and straight forward person I've ever met. I am still completely spun around by the whole thing. Have you ever heard of anything like that before???

For the record I really did enjoy seeing Thailand and I do plan to make another trip there later this year, but I don't know about Thai women hahahaha, even the good ones it seems are a little off.. of course I am speaking in general terms and I am sure there are many many nice normal regular Thai women out there… and yes as a rule they are lovely.

So much for short and to the point.. my apologies.. I'm still in shock, clearly.

Stickman says:

It's impossible to know what really happened. My guess – and it is only that, a guess – is that she is playing the net game that so many Thai women are playing these days. Just read this site where there are many such stories. My best guess would be that this girl wants a bit of fun and maybe has here eyes open for a good catch, which may or may not be someone who is loaded. It might be someone around the same age as her who is living in or wishes to live in Thailand. While it won't make you feel any better, I have heard many very similar stories of Thai girls playing guys on the internet, inviting them to Thailand – and the guy comes especially to see them – and they do a runner really fast.

Of course, it could also be that there was some bad news from home and she returned from that, felt she had lost face be abandoning you – and couldn't face returning or seeing you again. It is a possibility.