No Advice, Just My Experience
As Stickman says "if you read the articles and don't contribute …. shame on you." Well it's less than 10 days till I'll catch the red eye to Bangkok and I'm certainly in a better frame of mind before this trip than I've been in the past and I have decided to put my experience of Thailand and its attractions into words for anyone who cares to read them.
Having visited Thailand for the first time 11 years ago I immediately fell in love with the place and it's people, I can still remember the despair and loss I felt as I sat on the minibus which took me to Phuket airport. I had had the most wonderful 3 week holiday I'd ever had and had toyed with the idea of selling up everything and moving back to live somewhere in this paradise. I'd not sampled the intimate delights of Thai ladies but I'd met a friend of a friend who had an Irish bar in Phuket town and most nights were spent there playing connect 4 with Moy and Toy, two girls who worked in the bar. I had many conversations with them and they shared their experiences and disappointments with me as girls who worked in the trade. They invited me to join them on many trips around the island and took me to many places I'd never have seen had I just crashed on the beach, and they never asked or expected anything from me. The odd beer when we played games in the bar was cool anything else was refused. Two lovely girls whom I never kept in contact with.
Anyway fast forward and 7 years passed before I managed to drag my lazy ass back to Phuket again. This time I stayed away from the bar because it had been sold and I was more comfortable within the Meridian hotel. The odd night I'd venture out and sample the local cuisine and have a beer or two, but never bothered with the local talent. Anyway I had another wonderful holiday and was still a Thai virgin so to speak. I thought that was it, two trips to Thailand was enough. There are more places to see in this small world of ours.
Fast forward to October 02 and two friends of mine had booked a 2 week trip to Pattaya and the usual pressure was applied to commit to joining them. I had initially refused when they were planning the trip but by my personal circumstances had changed. I was at a loose end and free of all emotional baggage and decided I deserved a good holiday so I paid a visit to the travel agent and booked 3 weeks in the Asia Hotel. They were only going for 2 weeks but I am of the opinion if I'm going that far 3 weeks will just be what the doctor ordered, anyway I'd probably need a week to recover after two weeks on the piss with them.
So I arrived in Pattaya a day ahead of my friends and wandered the town on the first night alone. Talk about how forward the girls had become and how much Pattaya was different from Phuket. It reminded me of Patpong road 10 years ago. Moral support was required here and I figured I'd wait until the troops arrived the next day so I headed back to the hotel for some sleep. 4pm the next day my mobile rings the lads are in the foyer checking in so I leave the pool and join them in their room and an action plan is put in place for the evening. After a shower and a quick bite to eat the lads are eager to hit the town. We finally decide which bar to have our first drink at mainly because of the pool table and the night begins. The lads were in their element and before long I was introduced to Mrs "X" my friend had just found the love of his life and he was smitten by her Eurasian appearance. He asked if I'd seen anything I liked and there was one girl who'd caught my eye but I just wasn't ready to go there, anyway she seemed shy and distant and any time I'd look at her she would look away. My other friend had also found a new partner and was having lots of fun. We had made a pact of no pressure to partake before the holiday and I was not too pushed on anything I'd seen and was happy to go along with the plan being negotiated to take the 2 girls to some disco. I was asked by one of the girls I was playing pool with if I wanted a katoy seeing as I had no interest in her which made my blood boil. Jesus Christ why do all women think you're gay if you don't show interest in them, I guess I'm just too polite to say your an ugly cow and not my type. Anyway my phone rang and I had to leave the bar to be able to hold a conversation with the caller and just as I had finished the call my 2 friends were walking down Walking Street with 3 girls in tow. Who was the 3rd girl, yep you guessed it the one that had caught my eye earlier. I quietly asked my friend what she was doing here and he said he felt sorry for her and had bar fined her to come to the disco and she was free to go home afterwards as he had Mrs "X" with him. A good night was had, plenty of Jack & Coke and after the disco we all headed back to the restaurant outside the Asia Hotel for a few more beers and some food.
The 2 lads sloped quietly off with their ladies and I was left there with you know who! So in a moment of madness I asked her what she wanted to do get a taxi home or come with me. It's 3:30am and no taxi in sight so she opts to join me with a bemused look on her face and off we go to the hotel. I paid the 500 baht "visitors fee" which bugged the shit out of me because I'd already paid single supplement on the room and off we went to the room. Talk about awkward why had I done this I hadn't planed this and I should have told her to take a taxi when I had the chance. But I'd made my bed so to speak and now I had to lye in it. "By ab nam" (go take shower) and off I go to shower, I return and I'm quizzed as to have I been in Thailand before, did I take Thai lady before, and why I never take lady before, as well as why I not pay bar fine for her, why my friend pay bar fine blah blah blah. I was totally honest with her, said I didn't know why I'd asked her back to my room and we agreed nothing would happen. What a sense of relief I felt inside of me, no pressure. Well we ended up talking all night and I got her whole life story and she got mine. Basically she had a son with some Thai guy who treated her badly, she left him and got into a 5 year relationship with a married Thai man who was a drinker and very jealous, left him after his wife confronted her and she came to work in Pattaya where she soon met an English guy on holiday who sent her home and took care of her for a while before his wife found out and he cut her off and here she was back in Pattaya 4 weeks now with a plan to make some money to build a home for her son and herself back in the provinces. She had a wonderful outlook on life and her persona and the job she was doing did not seem to fit.
By this time I was hungry again and breakfast was being served so I invited her to join me but she refused saying she didn't like falang food, she asked if she could wait in the room until her friends were ready so I agreed and went off for a bite to eat. When I returned she was fast asleep and I found my self looking at her angelic face for quite a while. Eventually the others had said their goodbyes and her phone rang. We said our goodbyes, I offered her some money which she refused saying she was sorry I had to pay the hotel for her to come to my room and she was gone.
Some much needed sleep was found by the pool that day but my mind was perplexed with what had gone the night before, so when the lads were discussing the plan of action for the coming evening and which bar they'd go to I quietly said I'd like to return to the same bar and make sure she was OK. It's funny the others wanted to move further afield but something inside me was drawing me back to the same bar and I can't explain what. I think if I'd known about Stickman's website at that point in time I'd have stayed away but I saw no harm in going to say hello and show I'd no hard feelings about the night before. Well what a reception we got when we arrived the 2 lads were immediately escorted by their respective ladies to the stools while I went in search of my new found friend, I barely recognised her, she had straitened her hair and looked even more beautiful than I had remembered. We ended up talking and sipping beers all night, just like 2 old friends who hadn't met for a while. The other bargirls were very curious about us and you could almost feel everyone watching and whispering about us. The lads decided it was time to make a move to the disco and I invited my "tilac" to join me but my friends had already paid her bar fine which caused a few moments of confusion and reluctance as to who she was to go with. I quickly reimbursed my friends generosity and everything was OK.
I can only describe what happened later that night as one of the most loving and passionate nights I have had in a long long time, they say you should never kiss a hooker! Well she even asked me why I kissed her like that, I love a good lose yourself in the kiss session and she was all on for it, so why not. The next morning I was slagged by the lads as to my slow steady approach had finally paid dividends. That day was filled with thoughts of the night before and what my plans were for the coming evening. I decided that the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know and if I stayed with the one girl somehow I'd limit my exposure or completely expose myself to STDs. The lads had a few games of golf booked for the coming 3 days and as I don't play I'd be at a loose end so I decided that evening I'd ask my Tilac if she wanted to stay with me. Needless to say the answer was positive and she moved into room 5??. The next few days were bliss with my Tilac eventually joining me on the beach at about noon each day, I've never seen anyone sleep so much, or perhaps she just needed to recover all the energy expended the nights before. But I was captivated by her angelic face every morning when I awoke. The question of money was raised by me but she would never answer me when I asked her, surely 21 days & nights had a price. If it did she wouldn't tell me, she'd just say "why you keep ask me money, you not happy me". So I dropped the subject figuring it would raise it's head before the holiday was over.
My friends and I seemed to go our own separate ways during the days and we'd all meet in the bar in the evenings. I was not alone in having feelings for our new found friends and I can only describe the 3 lads as like we were all on our own separate honeymoons. The time passed and 2 weeks had gone bye, my friends had to return home to Falangland and promises were made to keep in contact with their respective girlfriends and possibilities of return visits within 3 months were discussed. There was no reason for me to be tied to Pattaya now and my Tilac and I made plans to visit her home, a small town 60 km or so outside of Nachon Ratchasima. So off we went on a 7 hour bus journey. We arrived about 8ish in the evening and were met by her papa and younger sister in the bus station. A bit of a cold reception, or perhaps it was just my lack of Thai that made it seem that way. After a short drive in the pickup truck we arrived in her family home where I was introduced to the remainder of the family Mama, big sister, younger brother and my Tilac's 7 year old son. Food was prepared and we all sat down to a fine meal. I've never managed to get the hang of being able to squat down and maintain my sense of balance and eat at floor level at the same time so I eventually just sat on my arse and kicked my legs out to the side which seemed to amuse them no end. I later discovered only girls sit this way. I was offered the option of going to a hotel for the night due to the lack of A/C and abundance of flying insects now collecting around the lights, which I refused politely and said I'd be fine here. This seemed to cause some bemusement, but my Tilac was very worried about my well being and set-up a net over our bed to offer some protection. Anyway 4 lovely days were spent getting to meet and being the centre of attention in the town, it's amazing the effect one tall white guy has on the local market and all the local children. I really felt like I was the freak show come to town but everyone seemed warm and friendly. I was starting to experience the real Thai way of life, I may not have understood the implications or effect I was having but it was all new to me and I was enjoying myself. The only thing that really pissed me off was the "rubber necking" you know what I mean people look at you then look back at you again as if to make sure they have seen what they've seen. Yes! I am a Falang and I'm in your town, what's the big problem screams inside of me. Time passes very quickly and we have to travel back to Pattaya where I have to pack my bags and prepare for my departure back to Falangland in a day or so. Goodbyes are said to the family who have warmed to me by now, Papa's a man of few words or outward emotions not only to me but to the world in general, as we leave I wonder what he's thinking. Back to the madness of Pattaya and the welcome cool sea breeze.
The next 2 days are spent doing very little except enjoying each other's company but the dark cloud of reality and the impending homeward journey looms large on the horizon. Time to make some decisions. I ask my Tilac what she wants from me and all she asks is I come back to her soon. We talk about a return to Thailand around the end of March 03 for her birthday and my birthday in April. I ask her what she will do when I go home and she asks me what I want her to do. Without any hesitation I ask her how much it would cost to build a home for her and her son, 100,000 Baht she says after thinking for a while. OK I'll give you the money 100,000 Baht and I'll come back in March and stay with you for 3 weeks. It was like she didn't hear me or understand what I said. I went to the bar and spoke to the mamasan I paid her bar fine for the coming month so as she wouldn't have to work and I gave my tilac her nest egg. She was lost for words except "why you do this for me, you only know me 3 weeks". The reality was I had become attached when I wasn't looking to be attached, I'd had the most wonderful time I'd ever had with another human being and I guessed I could help change someone's life or circumstances that they found them selves in. But mainly I could and it had very little cost to me except for 100,000 baht.
After a long sorrowful good bye in the airport where promises were made about going back home and building the house and pleadings not to forget her I caught the 11 hour flight back to my reality. The cold and the rain and the dull days that followed never once wiped the big smile I had on my face every day for 3 months. Countless telephone calls and SMSs as well as emails strengthened our bond. I was sure she had kept her word and had returned to her home because I could here her son many times in the background and those farty little trucks that passed her home at such regular intervals confirmed her location. But there was no sign of the house just the promise that her uncle who was supposed to be a good builder would start after the rice was harvested, meanwhile my Tilac had cleared a site her father had given her and had bought some of the necessary requirements to put the foundations in. Time passed and by about January I had my doubts if things would ever materialise then I received an email with a style of English that my Tilac did not possess informing me that the cost of the home would be closer to 200,000 Baht and if I had the money. A conversation developed around who had written the email and why the cost had risen all very plausible, the lady in the internet shop had helped her translate everything she needed to tell me and she had wanted to make some better structural changes to the house to make it bigger with a tiled roof. I decided to give her the benefit of my doubts and told her that I would send her a further 50,000 now and bring the other 50,000 when I came in March. We agreed that she and only she would write to me as I was quite enjoying the experience of deciphering he emails. She hadn't asked me for a penny since she'd gone home and my exposure was only another 50,000 Baht.
Suddenly here was a hive of activity I got blow by blow accounts of the progress being made and the hard work she was doing. The way she described it you'd swear she was building it all on her own. I asked for photos, she'd no camera, borrow one I said and email me the picture, two weeks went by and low and behold there was the foundations, posts, roof and I must say if it looked this good now I couldn't wait to see it when it was finished. Oh yes it was in the vicinity of the family home I remembered the area.
Towards the end of March I caught the redeye back to my beloved Tilac, butterflies in the stomach as it was 5/6 months since we'd been together and I wasn't quite sure how we'd fair out away from the distractions of Pattaya. Either way if it wasn't working one of the lads would be in Pattaya visiting his lady and I could always head down there if the worst came to the worst. I was met in the airport by a very thin dark girl who resembled my Tilac, it was her all right but the work had taken its toll on her she was still beautiful, but God she was so thin and I liked the darker skin, it seemed to make her eyes shine more brightly. We caught the bus and caught up on all that couldn't be said over the telephone. Eventually I arrived at the house and WOW its truly amazing what 200,000 baht can buy over here. The house was bare except for a few essential pieces of furniture and kitchen and a fridge but it was very homely I neglected to say my Tilac's hands were literally skin bare and bandaged. The coming few days were filled with many visitors coming to view the new home which was literally finished the day before I had arrived. The pride shone in her eves as she showed everyone who called around. I sat on the veranda sucking a few cold ones and took it all in. It was like I had never been away. Uncle called and arrangements were made for a party, BBQ style again I'd have to squat on my honkers and cook food on an earthenware pot filled with charcoal. A decent table with chairs was badly needed.
I can only describe the next 3 weeks as bliss, not a care in the world and we were getting along like two sweethearts. The balance of the 50,000 was paid and I was given all the paperwork with an account of where the money had been spent, I was so proud of her, she had truly made the effort to change her stars! She had taken me to her heart and looked after and cared for me like no other falang woman ever has and what's more, she enjoyed it. I was happy I had found a new meaning in my life and I wanted to show her a part of my life so off we went to Bangkok to visit the consulate to arrange a visa. I must say they couldn't have been more helpful but I dare say had she have gone alone the reception would have been different.
The visa was approved after 3 months and she was on the next available flight to Falangland, our roles were now reversed I now went to pick her up in the airport and she burst into floods of tears when she saw me. She was so happy to be with me again and the next 6 weeks were such an eye opener for her. Us falangs are so different at home she said "we never smile", so so true it's sad. The next 6 weeks were spent showing her what my life was all about, what my country was like, it sights, its food, its culture, and we had a blast. The care and attention she paid me was the same as before, every evening when I'd return from work as I put my key in the door a fantastic meal was put on the table and I was pampered like a king. Such generosity of care and concern for my well being I have never known. The few euros I gave her every week as pocket money were never squandered, in fact she would often go to the local market and buy items of food or necessities for the home. I have never seen a woman get such value for money in all my life.
Her departure back to Thailand at the end of August left a huge hole in my life. It was about this time that I stumbled across Stickman's website and I literally read every article that readers had submitted, some I read with horror, others I could identify with so so much. I had many doubts in my mind as to what I had done because the overtone of the vast majority of submissions were very negative. But I was as confident as anyone could be given the circumstances that my Tilac had made the break from the bars and had found a new life with me. But the words of wisdom written by so many stayed with me as a reminder of what could lie ahead. I flew to Bangkok at the beginning of October for another holiday. While I was there we made another visa application with a view to a Christmas return to Falangland, which was granted without questions. During my stay I noticed the locals had become more accustomed to me and were waving and being more friendly than before. Life was good, we were still good. While I was there I did buy her a few baht of gold which was well received and I left her with the money to buy her ticket to Falangland.
I was only home a week when I got a disturbing SMS from her. She said she had sold the gold and had made "Big Chest" because she think I like lady have big chest. The alarm bells started to ring but, I was more concerned about her well being and what she had done to herself and the long term implications. I told her that she hadn't done this for me but done this for herself and I was not happy about it. Not a lot could be done about it now after the fact but I was and still am concerned that she never discussed it with me.
Anyway at the end of November 03 my Tilac flew to Falangland and I met her at the airport, it was like before lots of tears and hugs except I had to be gentle with my embraces because she was still tender after her operation. Needless to say her figure had improved 10 fold with the new additions, but silicone is silicone and can never compare to a naturally well endowed pair. But I did enjoy! She discussed a nose job, I quickly replied you change anything else about you and I'll change you. I have a problem with this sort of shit, I fell in love with her the way she was, her little button nose, her Asian look and here she was trying to change to become more western looking, no way! I put my foot down, swore to her I'd never buy her gold again. She still had the gold chain I'd bought myself when there and would never sell it because it was mine. We had 3 months of bliss, her first Christmas, spent with my family who warmed to her very quickly and New Year was spent with friends at a large function. She wore traditional Thai clothes to this and was just stunning, I'm not sure if it's the design of the cloths or the fact that they restrict the natural movement of the body but she was just so elegant, it was a black tie event and so many falang women came up to her to comment on how beautiful she looked. I had to agree, the falang women paled into insignificance compared to her. I was working very hard, in fact my workload was horrific, but my Tilac never complained, she just took such good care of me. Making the most of the evenings together, with a home cooked meal, and she was desert, yummy! The time passed so quickly and before I knew it her visa was up and she'd have to return to Thailand. I prepared another visa application, this time for a multiple entry type on the advise of the immigration department and gave her all the paperwork so as she could present it in Bangkok on her return. I didn't know if I'd get the chance to return before she could come back to me. So at the end of February she returned to Thailand.
It's now 1st April and I've cleared my workload, I turn 40 in a few days and I've booked a ticket for a 3 week trip back out to Thailand in 7 days, my life is empty without her and the feeling is mutual. If the visa is approved before I come home I'll bring her back with me because my home / life is just too empty without her. I'm looking forward to Songkran on the 13th which should be fun by all accounts. I'm very grateful to all the readers and Stickman for the insight and warnings posted on the site, but I have to continue with this relationship and see where it takes me. I have never felt used or played by this girl, all I have ever felt is love and caring, and lots of long haul jetlag. For your information based on my experience:
The vast majority of bargirls do not get or are not made get a HIV test. The card that so many people see the girls use in the hotels is purely an ID card as proof of age and trace ability should something go missing.
Quite a few girls do stay true to their Falang sponsors and stay off the game, but I believe to effectively remove them from the bar is the only option.
10,000 Baht per month is plenty of money (I'm not a cheap skate) for her to survive on at home and have money left over.
There are always people in life who will take advantage of you, but the sad thing is you know in your heart that is the case, always go with your gut instinct.
Thai girls do look after their family, the question is does the Thai girl protect you from HER family.
And yes, in the eyes of normal Thais you are a walking ATM, you know the value you get for your money in Thailand, the Thais can only dream of spending what you spend on your holiday.
But above all, respect for one's fellow human beings brings it's own rewards.
Somehow I think my relationship with Thailand will never end, for me it is the most amazing place on this planet and I love it, it's people and my Tilac.
Any falang women I've ever been involved with in my life don't come within an asses roar of the love and caring of a good Thai woman.
Take care everyone, it's a big bad world out there!. God Bless.
As I was reading this, I was waiting for the car to crash, waiting for the journey to end, as so often it does. But it didn't, or at least it hasn't, and one sees no reason why it should. Despite posting the large number of negative stories here – and taking satisfaction in warning people of what can happen, it is the positive stories that are the best, the ones where we can sit back with smile on our face, happy to see that someone has made it work. Good on you. You have achieved what many people really, really want.