Readers' Submissions

My Thoughts And Experiences




Having recently discovered your site, I thought I would throw in some of my thoughts and experiences about Thailand, the people and Thai/farang relationships.

Firstly I notice most of the other submissions revolve around the bar girl scene, of which I have no experience, for better or worse. My own situation in brief is that I was once married to a Thai woman who I met in Australia and sponsored her to stay in Australia as a spouse. It is my experience with her that I will now detail, as a point of interest and a lesson to other readers of the site.

I met my ex-wife as a consequence of visiting a Thai pro working in a brothel. This girl gave me her phone number and invited me to her apartment (she gave her number out to many of her other customers) which she was sharing with my ex-wife. At first this girl wanted me to marry her etc to help her stay in Australia but then apparently found a more willing or richer client to help her. Whatever, I wasn't too concerned as I knew being involved with her wouldn't work. Anyway, she passed my mobile number on to my ex-wife who wasn't involved in the sex trade, who initiated a friendship with me. The reason she didn't work along with her friend was that she tried but didn't get many customers to choose her. In short, my ex-wife is / was no Thai glamour stunner. Far from it, although young (24 at the time, now 30) she was, in short, fat, in fact even grossly obese (weight at the time nearly 100 Kg!) and pretty ordinary looks otherwise. Anyway at the time she seemed easygoing, she had excellent English (she visited and studied English in Aust before I met her) and me, feeling lonely and with no girlfriend at the time, spent more and more time with her. It was she who initiated a sexual relationship and then very persistently called me to go out with her every weekend. We went out with each other for several months, although my enthusiasm for her started to wane. In that time, I helped her extend her visitor's visa by 6 months. This gave her enough time to marry in Aust and apply for a permanent visa. She, being very persistent and persuasive managed me to agree to marry her, which I did, reluctantly, about 6 months after first seeing her.

Anyway, apply for the visa at Immigration, live with her and downhill all the way from then on. Regretted being involved almost immediately, couldn't get along with her on anything much. The promises she made to me before I agreed to marry her were all just bullshit. It didn't help that I made it clear to her that I felt resentful that she pressured me into something I wasn't too keen on. She worked in a number of different jobs but for most of the time was a receptionist at massage parlours or brothels. This involved her getting home late every night leaving me alone and wondering why I ever bothered to live with her. She also, for a couple of months, ran her own private brothel from a rented flat employing girls she knew. This was pretty lucrative for her but I resented her being involved in the industry and told her to find other jobs, which she would be able to do as her English was good, but most other jobs required a bit of discipline and effort which she didn't persevere with. She also had a bad gambling habit, spending many nights with her friends at clubs playing pokies, sometimes losing hundreds of $ a night. I gave her ultimatums numerous times about her gambling and other bad habits but she wouldn't listen. Instead all I got from her was endless lies.

Anyway this relationship drifted on for long enough to qualify for her permanent stay in Australia. Despite my numerous reasonable attempts to improve things I gave up and just let things go. We hardly spent any time together but still had sex but much less frequently than before. Well, after a couple of years living with her she falls pregnant. By this time she hardly ever came home and spent most nights with a friend somewhere else (too far from her work at night, avoided arguments with me when she did come home). I knew the child was my mine (later confirmed by DNA) because whatever our problems we had in our relationship neither of us had any other kind of love or sex interest elsewhere the entire time we were together. That is one good thing I can say about her. She also knew I was no 'butterfly' In contrast to other men who have submitted their stories here we never had problems with jealousy, crossed relationships etc. I would also add that I was only 29 when I married her, a bit older than her but most people took us for being the same age. In contrast to the stereotypical fat, old, white man with petite pretty little Asian girl relationship, she was the rolly polly loudmouthed one while I was the skinny, submissive (at first) partner.

Anyway, by the time she was pregnant the relationship was pretty much in its death throes so I wondered what kind of future this poor kid would have. Neither of us could imagine us living together with all the stresses of looking after a baby. Whenever she did come to my home to see me at this stage she talked about how much a woman can get in a divorce court in Aust. I owned my own flat (nothing fancy modestly priced by Aust standards) and had a reasonable nest egg of shares and savings I saved and managed for over many years. No great fortune but assets worth a fair bit (about $250,000 net). While I had no problem about providing for the child and doing my best to assist in bringing it up, of course I was resentful that my ex-wife had ideas of taking me to the cleaners when she promised "I won't touch your property when we finish". Another BIG LIE!! Months later she tried to relieve me of my fortune when I got weighty demands from her lawyer asking for about 80% of all I had. I was furious naturally and got a lawyer to fight her as hard as I could. In order to negotiate a much lower settlement I instructed my lawyer to drag up dirt about her running brothels etc. To save face she didn't want to go in front of a judge and have details like that raised so she settled for a much lower amount but all up it cost me about $65,000 incl. my lawyer fees.

Anyway, now I have a lovely 2 1/2 year old daughter, who I only see every fortnight for a few hours. The ex-wife no doubt blew all the money long ago and I understand is now up to her ears in credit card and personal loan debt. She never managed to live within her means and now she lives on a single parent welfare payment but would prefer her high spending lifestyle to continue. I feel sorry for the little girl and the 7 year old son she had to a Thai man who now lives here. While I felt resentment to her for all the turmoil I have been through before, I would now prefer to work with her to help her raise the kids. Things are difficult because she won't even provide me with a phone number.

A general comment about bar girls and their clients. The men should understand they are only seen as a money source and maybe as a better life in the west. Some men are too deluded and/or egotistical to realise this. Think with your head not your dick.

A quick note about my visits to Thailand. Yes, the locals see farangs as rich and easy pickings for ripoffs. Thailand is still a cheap and safe place to visit even if everyone from taxi drivers to stall holders inflate the price for the farang tourist. It may be a bit of a scam but if you are only visiting for a holiday swallow your pride and get over it. Far worse things can happen to you. It's their country after all. I have more to say about this topic but I will leave it for another time.

Stickman says:

Sorry to hear things went bad. It seems like you tried to make the best of a bad situation, but just couldn't get it to work.