Stickman Readers' Submissions April 30th, 2004

Grandpa Comes For A Visit – A Ghostly Tale – Part 2

Next morning, refreshed from a rather good night's sleep, I hopped up from my bed, gingerly, you never know how the back will be behaving in the morning, shut down the ever present oscillating floor fan, and stubbed my damned toe on the threshold exiting the bedroom door into the kitchen. God Dammit!! That hurts! I'm gonna take a sledge hammer to that frigging thing and build a friggin' handicap ramp in it's place. Might as well get the wheelchair ramp in place early now that I've turned 49. Not much time left actually.

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While I was swearing up a blue streak and dancing on one foot in circles my wife came through the back screen door, and chirped, smiling as always, "Good morning darling! You want coffee?" I grumbled and moaned, still clutching my toe as I leaned on the kitchen table to keep from falling flat on my face, and said, "Yes darling. That would be wonderful. Thank you." She started fixing a cup of 3 in 1 Nescafe for me, glanced at my grimacing mug with a bit of a smirk on her face, she's seen this dance of the stubbed toe many times now, (probably thinks I'm a bit retarded) and asked, "Sammi (husband) okay?" I winced, while testing my foot with my weight to see if it would hold or if the damn thing was finally broken this time, and growled, "Oh just dandy my mia ba (crazy wife), just peachy keen I am this fine morning. There's nothing like a broken toe to get a man going in the morning." She laughed, and said, "You think break?" "No, but it feels like it that's for damned sure." I muttered back, looking at the toe to see if was bleeding, like it felt it was.

She handed me my coffee, if you can call Nescafe '3 in 1' coffee coffee, and, with a worried look said, "You want go doctor. Look at toe?" I grinned and said, "No, that's okay. I'll just have my mia noi (minor wife) give it a big kiss to make it better when I see her this afternoon, okay?" A scowl crossed her face and she said, "Why you speak mia noi, always speak mia noi." I laughed at her scowling mug and said, "Hey, just joking darling. You know, joke. If I had a mia noi I wouldn't be joking about having one now, would I?" A small smile pulled her lips and she gave me a knowing look and said, "Yes, I know."

Errrr, crap. The damned woman has me all figured out already. I guess if I ever did get myself a mia noi I'd better keep up the mia noi jokes. "You joke too much darling." she said with that squint to her eyes that tells me she's a bit peeved. I hate that look. It's as though she can see right through me, to the core of my soul, as though I'm a primary school reader primer book, and she can easily read me.

I change the subject and shake the creepy feeling from me. Women are scary creatures sometimes. We are truly putty in their hands. "What have we got for breakfast dear?" I ask. "Kow Tom Moo." she replies to my query. "You like?" Fuck that! I've eaten so much pork lately I'm beginning to oink when I snore. "Uh, no thanks dear. I'll just have some wheat toast and marmalade please. Could you pop four slices in the toaster for me while I shower, please?" I plead. "Okay, no problem." She smiles back.

She sets about making toast while I hobble into the shower and wash the night's sweat grime away.

Stickman's thoughts:

Thais'll eat anything for breakfast.

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