The Whole 9 Yards
“Sorry, but English is not my native language, so there may occur some spelling errors. I am married to an ex-BG and have been happily married to her for over 10 years. I come from Lo-So but due to life’s circumstances I ended up in a job that could be placed in Hi-So.
I did the whole 9 yards of interacting with BGs during a total of 14 trips (totaling 3-4 years stay over 10 years) in Thailand; I was young, stupid and well. But I got to get a good grip of the Thai language and culture, and got to know a lot of interesting tales of BGs, their lives, stories, etc. So, old and wise and tired, I was certain that I never wanted to marry a BG, no way, never. Actually I was so tired of Thailand and BGs, lost loves, con games, etc that I did not go to Thailand for 5 years.
Enter 5 years later, the usual rounds and suddenly she is there, not that different, but shy, a newcomer, so during the usual sessions I inquire a bit about how she ended up in the bar. The usual, left boyfriend story, but I decided to stay with her for a couple of days as she was a very nice girl, no big demands for gold or taxi money, etc. Later I went to Samui and took her along, long story, but I never saw any of the usual act in her and I kind of liked her more and more, ending up with me inviting her to the country where I worked for a 3 month vacation, so we ended up in Europe, she got pregnant, and we married. She then took courses in the local language on her own initiative, after learning the language, she started to take driving lessons and passed her first tests way ahead of the locals in her class. She blends in very nicely in the small village where we live, has lots of friends, mostly locals, only 1 or 2 Thais.
She tells me stories of other ex-BGs who gamble and whore around when their husbands are at work. She actually despises them and then avoids contact with them, if she finds out. Not, that she feels better then them, but as she says: they found a farang, they have a home so why do they continue to be bargirls.
I have seen hundreds of couples Thai / Farang, and I guess I can count 3-4 relationships that have worked out well. My own, due to the fact that we only communicate in Thai, thus avoiding any conflicts due to language barriers. Learn Thai by yourself. I knew the lingo, before I met my wife, I respect Thai culture, but also want mine to be respected, so it a lot of compromise on both parts. I like Thai food, but don’t eat it outside Thailand, however my wife cooks Thai whenever she wants, even this stinking fish things… and I never once complain about the smell, just open the windows. So many relationships turn sour over a little food issue, let you girl eat what she wants, and you should eat what you want. Money matters, well I make them and I use them, she gets money when she needs it and I always ask if she has enough or she will tell me if she need some..result.. She uses about 2-300 Euro a month on food, clothes. I pay all our bills, her gasoline etc. When she wants to, she takes a job, but usually she loses interest in it after 5-6 months, not sanuk, boring. Anyway we don’t need her income, however if she does work, let her keep her whole salary. I have seen lots of relationships go out / down due to common economy.
Thai Family. Well for us, we call them 6-7 times a year, they never ask for money and in 10 years we have never given then any, my wife’s decision, as she says: If my brother / sister / uncle etc needs money.. he should work, not call me…but we might be different (read: My Mother-in-Law / at Stickman). The family issue is like this, generally. If the girl has no children with you, she will run off to mother if you make a wrong fart, but …if you have children together, normally she will opt for you instead of her mother / father, just my humble view as a spectator to hundreds of Thai / Farang relationships.
So, as I have read your story, allow me to give you a few advises, if you follow them is your problem / decision:
Be tolerant to a certain degree (you have been supporting your girl the way you do). For a steady relationship, you need a reasonable economy for you and your wife (I have never seen a Thai / Farang relationship work on unemployment benefits). Compromise on culture, accept religion (in our own case, my wife is very non-religious, 2 temple visits during 10 years, donation 2 x 10 Baht).
Get a good grip on the family situation (this usually is the main source of break-up reasons). Don’t accept or fall for the usuals (brother bad teeth, sick buffalo, well.. you should now them by now..) Speak Thai, this is very contributing factor for a good relationship,… when you are able to explain to your wife / GF about finances in a language she understands, not pidgin English or Thaiglish, all a matter of details. and not forgetting.. ..Jokes and Humor
I wish you the best of luck, admire that you did not get scared of all the one-day tourist stories on Stick and hope that it will work out for you, if I can be of any help, just send a mail.
Good luck and long may your happiness continue.