The Hua Hin Situation…Prejudice
“As for my wife and myself, we will have to put up with the looks people give us worldwide, the same as many other mixed marriages have to, and laugh it off in the knowledge that it is only small minded people who give us those looks. And should I really care if anybody thinks my wife is an ex bargirl, not really, because to be honest it wouldn't really matter if she was, would it?”
The above is a quote from a previous submission. I hope the author doesn’t mind me quoting him.
The following is a true story…
Many years ago, it was brought to my attention that a cat had been found in a state owned residential complex, abandoned, its hair falling out, malnourished, severely disturbed by years of abuse by the owner that had abandoned it. Instead of a collar, it had elastic bands around it’s neck which had caused terrible damage to it’s neck, and probably it’s brain too. The young lady who told me about this cat worked for the local authorities and was loathed to send it to an unknown future and so suggested that, as I lived alone, I might take this poor creature in and take care of it. I had my reservations at first but when I met this unfortunate feline, I fell in love with it.
It stayed under the sofa for 2 months surviving only by the food I placed just in front. I waited patiently. I almost forgot he was there (He…it’s sex now established) he was so quiet. The house stank of cat's piss and shit. He was a fully grown cat but had no concept of where to perform his ablutions. For a couple of years after he would still shit and piss in the middle of the lounge because he just didn’t know any better.
I couldn’t get anywhere near him for months he was so scared until one day his head suddenly popped out from under the sofa and just looked at me. Over the next few weeks, his appearance improved, his fur grew back and eventually, he even ventured a paw on my leg to let me know he was hungry.
I estimate he was already 4 or 5 years old at this point but he began to play with me like he was a kitten…I assume no-one had ever played with him before. As I slept, he would jump on my bed and wake me up simply because he wanted to play with me. He grew into a fine cat, big, healthy, full of life…but more importantly, he came to trust me completely. I think that cat became the best friend I ever had.
Over the last five years, I have gradually phased out almost all of my friendships. Sure, over the years and in all the places I’ve lived, I’ve met some remarkable people, some of whom became close friends…but on the whole, I find myself disappointed with these friends in terms of loyalty, misunderstanding, prejudice and, well, more things than you can shake a stick at. Now, I just stick to the acquaintances I have when I drink…and I keep them as just that, acquaintances and at a safe distance. I’ve been disappointed far too often and hurt by the people you least expect to hurt you.
Only a couple of weeks ago, I wrote a submission asking for feedback from people with success stories to tell about relationships with bar girls. I was amazed at the response. I also don’t doubt that the response would have been greater except for the fact that most of the folk who read this site are either sex tourists, or bitter at having had their fingers burned by a Thai girl, hence, that is what the overall subject matter is on this forum. I will tell you now, there are far more success stories than you might imagine and they’re still coming to my inbox.
Now you may think I’m a sad loner who keeps himself to himself, can’t form lasting relationships and can only get laid by paying for it… naturally I’m going to say you’re wrong but really, you’re wrong. I’m decent looking, have a reasonable amount of money coming in, sociable, witty…I just choose not to have intimate friendships and don’t bother with Western girls any more…they’re far too expensive in MANY ways. I’ve had my share of women in my time and if they weren’t disloyal, they’d just get bored and move onto their next conquest.
I’ve had more Thai girls than you can count but My girl in Surin will be my 3rd proper Thai girlfriend…and the second who was a bar girl. I give my self an even 50/50 chance of happiness with her, that’s all I can do. You’d be amazed at some of the stories I’ve had written to me over the last couple of weeks. Farangs from every walk of life marrying bar girls to become the happiest couples you could dream of…probably just as many as there are horror stories but they obviously just keep themselves to themselves. This is why I think there are many more but they don’t bother reading this site.
A 50/50 chance…far better odds than I’ve encountered before, with any woman.
Like one reader who wrote to me, I’m hoping my girl in Surin will become that best friend I never had as well as my lover…just like his wife, an ex-bar girl, has become. I’ve already dismissed a friend over his prejudice about my girl (whom he has never even met). In fact, I find many of the people who criticise me are themselves divorcees or live in loveless or childless marriages, so I don’t take them seriously. Yes she is a country girl, yes she’s uneducated…but she’s as sharp as a tack and she knows what makes the world go round I can assure you. I find that educated girls are- ‘I deserve this…I deserve that’…yawn. We all deserve the same no matter what circumstances you find yourself in and like Led Zeppelin sang…it’s not too late to change the road you’re on.
I hope I’m man enough to show my girl what I’m made of. I hope both of us can look beyond her past and the way she had to support her family. I hope, like my old cat bless him wherever he is now, that my girl can see all of this and will learn to trust and believe in me, like so many of the couples who have written to me.
This is the last time I will write a submission. I know many of you want to know the outcome of my story but really, it’s a never ending one, isn’t it. I’ll leave it to your imagination. Wish me luck.
Chock dee na krap
It is sad to hear people have let you down. In this past week's column, I mentioned one of the ways of not becoming down on Thailand is to select one's friends very carefully – and obviously this goes for the West too. I have to say that in my adult life, I can't remember any friends really letting me down. Women yes, but then I have never had too many genuine female friends, at least over a long term.