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Thai-ered Of The Same Shit

  • Written by Anonymous
  • February 11th, 2004
  • 5 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

By Saffa



I have read and heard of so many uplifting and unfortunate sad stories of the Farang coming to Thailand in search of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The little leprechaun normally takes the subject in question by the hand and leads him to the abyss of Sukumvit, namely Nana, Soi Cowboy, or maybe perhaps the infamous PATPONG just a Soi off Silom road.

They say life is characterized by happiness, whether or not that constitutes money?, drugs?, sex?, or maybe even woman? I think women play a big role in our lives in one way or another. I know this because I have been single for most of my life. I’ve had more than half a dozen relationships, but they never seemed to have broken the 3-month mark (high fives all around and a couple of pats on the back from the mates). My conclusion is that women (the right ones that is) make a huge difference to one’s happiness.

I find it interesting to see all these foreign dudes coming to Thailand and having huge hopes of finding, ok, lets wait for it ­ The One. I don’t blame them at all. Thai chicks are hotter, submissive to our needs, and have that ‘Thai-thing’ about them that kicks Western chic’s asses.

I came to Thailand 2 years ago to teach English, as one of the few (so I’ve heard) who actually care about the students and not about how many chics or pros they’ve shagged. I had heard through the grapevine that girls were easy to come by in The Land of Sex, I mean The Land of Smiles, and so I wasn’t too concerned.

Being very shy with woman, it took me five months to find my first Thai girl (I’m sure that must be some kind of record). Compared with my fellow colleague, who had found one in the first week and was shagging away quite happily.

I was always left in the shadows of my mate in the women department. To cut a long story short, he was the one who landed up without ‘The One’ and has taken a break from Thai woman, because of one reason or the other. He had a nasty incident were the girl he fell for (not a bar-girl) left him for a sex tourist twice his age. For a guy that’s pretty good looking and normally used to having his way with woman, he was a broken man. That’s the first time I’ve seen a playboy cry his heart out.

The Thai girl (lets call her Jo) in my life taught at the same school as I did. We got on really well, both having an optimistic happy approach to life and not being afraid to have the odd laugh. She stood out compared to the rest of the Thai teachers, someone with a bubbly personality who actually made an effort to interact with the foreign teachers. It dawned on me that there might be something in the mists. Jo would always ask for help with her English, sit right-up close and do the touching thing with my leg (no you guys, not that leg!!!). The only thing that turned me off was the old saying ­ ‘Don’t screw with the crew!’, and due to the fact that Thais have a huge tendency to gossip in the work force. Then there was the other Thai teacher who would throw herself at every Farang with a heartbeat. But I wasn’t too interested because she once told me that she would love to marry a foreigner so he could take her traveling around the world. FCUK THAT SHIT!

By chance I chose Jo’s name out of the hat to buy a Christmas present for under a B100. Instead of buying her a lame present, I took her out to one of those Korean buffets, cook your own food and eat all you want for B93. It was a very friendly dinner, and a bit of a test to see if we were compatible. All went well, and we organized to see a movie on the weekend.

Now as I have said earlier, I was very weary of Thai woman because of all the horror stories. When I bought the movie tickets she tapped me on the arm and gave me her share of the bill. At that moment, I was sold. From the beginning up until now, she has always showed an interest in me as a person, and never to my wallet or my Farang status. I find it fascinating that I earn more than three times her salary, but that she will insist on paying if I paid the time before. It ties in perfectly in that I believe that a man should always walk next to his woman, never in front, and never behind in everything that they do.

The point I’m making here, is that there are plenty of Thai girls out there that actually have a heart and who make amazing girlfriends. I feel nothing for those blokes who have had the harshest of luck with the bar girls or the ones that run after the money. The reason being is that if you start changing the things within you, things on the outside will change automatically. If you only shop around at the dodgy places (lets be honest, why would you want to go that route?) and the trendy spots, you are subjecting yourselves to a quarter of the market. Although I’m very sure that there are many Thai woman in that category that fit the right profile, but how many of them are actually after you because you have a styling personality. It explains why the ugliest looking Farang in Thailand can be seen sporting a gorgeous Thai lady.

I think too may Farangs in Thailand abuse their status to get with the woman. If you were true to your heart (not the heart that speaks to you at the bar at The Dollhouse) and the Thai woman, you shouldn’t have to many hassles.

Patience my boys, just take a good look at old Kernel Sanders. It took him two years and over a thousand interviews to get someone to buy his recipe, and see how famous he is with chicks.

Stickman says:

Good things come to those who wait.