The Spread Of A Ladies Man

And I can't wait to tell you to your face
And I can't wait for you to take my place
You are The Naked Angel In My Heart
You are The Woman With Her Legs Apart

It's written on the walls of this hotel
You go to heaven once you've been to hell *

* Leonard Cohen

After the collapse of the dot.com company I worked for in Holland I decided not to work for a long time. Being sacked with an 8 months salary goodbye bonus, I bought an open ticket: Amsterdam-Bangkok-Den Pasar- Singapore –Amsterdam valid for 6 months.

I had a vague travelling plan, nothing scheduled the only thing I wanted was to be on a beach the first weeks of the trip. I picked Hua Hin right from the map.

I had never visited Thailand before. I knew Thai girls from the scene in Rotterdam. You don’t have to go abroad for sex when you live in Holland but lets say it is the bloody weather… I was befriended by a mamasan who ran a nice Thai brothel. Her name was Kim (Chinese tjim). She died and may the gods bless her soul.

I bought a few travel books and off I went in the winter of 2001.

After the long flight via Singapore I arrived in Bangkok. I did not want to stay for a night in a big city at the beginning of the trip so I took a taxi all the way to Hua Hin.

I booked in a small Chinese owned guesthouse. With jet lag and the withdrawal of our rat racing society I was not much at ease the first few days. I went from massage to massage parlour but sex was way out of my mind. The first few days Yes !!

Hua Hin was a bit of a drag, packed with marching rows of mainly German tourists. A bit to busy to calm down, but well, after a few days I was a bit back to earth. I put my Asian “war map” on the hotel wall and went out into the sparkling nightlife of Hua Hin. In black suit.

So in black suit and chain-smoking I walked down the soi with the girls. It was nice to get so much attention, I had a chat here and there and I spoke to a couple of guys to get more information about the rules of engagement. I must admit that I got hotter the more I walked down this soi. It was a sinful experience indeed. I talked to a couple of nice ladies but I couldn't decide to take one to my room. I even refused a couple of gorgeous Katoeys who circled around me.

Very late at night I was still desperately walking through the streets of Hua Hin until I came at a bar on the dead end of a street that I did not have seen before. I was tired and I sat down ordering a cup of tea. A girl asked me twice if I wanted a beer but I insisted on the cup of tea.

There where a couple of girls left in the bar and I saw one who was at least looking very different from the rest. I asked her to go with me but very quickly the other girls said that she would not do that and others girls where shown to me. Back at home I would think this show to be ridiculous and even a bit inhumane. But I was in a strange (apocalypse now) mood and very stubborn. I kept asking the first girl to come with me. In-between I was drinking tea like hell what became an item at itself between the girls at the bar.

In the end the girl gave in and came with me. Here name was Noi. (sounds familiar???)
In the hotel room we had sex and afterwards I asked her to go, which surprised her a lot. I just wanted to be alone to call my mates at home and tell them how much fun I was having in Thailand.

I avoided the bar scene for a couple of days. But then I couldn't resist anymore and I went back to the bar and found Noi back in my arms again.

The next few days we spent together visiting a couple of islands, swimming on more abandoned beaches. We also went to a couple of temples and she seemed to take her religion very seriously. I never understood much of the figures, puppets and all in the temple and the Thai are not very good in explaining something very clearly. I really tried, starting of with Prince Sidharta but I never found a Thai who had heard from him…

Everything was very much without obligation I wasn’t really in love, and I think she wasn’t either, but we where having a wonderful time. When I asked her to go with me on a trip to Chiang May she hesitated and was gone for two days. When she came back she had a little bag with her and off we went to Kanchanaburi. It was at the beginning of a big trip so I was a bit tight on the budget and we took the cheapest bus to Kanchanaburi. She must have been a bit turned off by this, the least she was expecting an air con I guess.

In Kanchanaburi we checked in the famous Sam Place and took a very cosy bamboo hut for 150 baht alongside the river kwai. We rented a motorbike and saw quite a lot of the celestial countryside over there. One time I even persuaded Noi to have sex in a rice field along the road. She first asked the mountain gods, no kidding. Those were wonderful days and when I look back I must say that these days belong to the best in my entire live. Noi was very easy on everything, not complaining and she seemed to like everything we did. She never asked for money or goods. We had sex in the bamboo hut without any screams because Sam's walls are indeed paper thin.

Our little honeymoon brought us to Ayyuthya and from there we took the train to Chiang Mai. We rented a 125 cc motorbike and went on sightseeing, ate Durian (thulian!!) and all the delicious fruits, I tried to get a good smoke from the hill tribes but Noi talked me out of that idea. The king wouldn't love me if I did that!!

Noi told me that she had to go home (Petchaburi) after two weeks and that was fine to me because I wanted to go on all the way to Laos, Vietnam, and Kampuchea.

Before we split I gave her most of my luggage so I could travel with just a small backpack
Why did I force everything to see her again?? The gods might know.

So I put her on the bus to Bangkok and went all by my self again, to Phitsanulok, Udon Thani, Nong Kai. It felt strange to travel on my own after the two weeks with Noi.

Noi would call at nights and asked: are you with lady?? And of course I said no no.

I had a couple of new adventures on the road but that is a story apart. Via Nongkhai I went to Vientiane, Vang Vieng, and down to Savannahket. In Savannakhet I was after a visa for Vietnam but despite 555 state express I failed. So I went back to Thailand crossing the Mekong to Mukdohan. Although I had wonderful smokes in Laos (what liberals in that commie country) miss the trains though. I was glad to set foot on Thai soil.

I could finally give Noi a decent call again and she said she missed me all the time. Onward and onward I went to Buriram, Aranya Prathet, Siem Reap, Phnom Penh (had sex with a couple of Vietnam girls for twenty bucks.)

From Phnom Penh I took the plane to Bangkok where I took a cab immediately to Petchaburi. I called Noi to surprise here but all I heard was heavy train noise and Noi screaming that she just left Chang Mai.

I panicked she just left Chang Mai with a customer!! It took away much of my enthusiasm. Although she never admitted I think she went to Chang Mai with a customer again.

(look at me there I was the one banging hookers on the road) I nearly ordered her to come as quickly as possible to Petchaburi to bring me my bloody bag.

After a few days she came with her sister on a small motorbike and my big bag.

It was good to see her. More than good. Noi and her sister stayed the night in the hotel. Without any doubt her sister stepped into the bed so we were sleeping with three in one bed.

I was longing for her like hell but she wouldn't even let me touch her with her younger sister around. After 30 minutes in the bed we starting to have sex. This was so strange, her sister was pretending she was asleep.. After five minutes we went out the bed, still half dressed and left the room for a search for another room. We found one abandoned and with an unmade bed (probably just left by a Thai couple) and started to have a very, very intense session. Far more intense sex than the weeks we had previously spent together.

The days after she brought me to a place called Hat Peuktian. It was raining and Noi left me because she had to work somewhere. It was raining and I had a little house on the beach. I couldn't swim. It was even too cold for that (march 2001 unusual rain showers).

I read all the books I bought in Kampuchea. The tricks of Henry Kissinger and a real copy of Pol Pot’s biography. It was a real small house that one and the bad weather and the memories of Tual Sleng and the Killing fields made me beg Noi to come and see me. She came at one night at three o’ clock in the morning.

After this stay I went to Cha Am and booked in there. Noi stayed over now and then and I found out that she was actually from Tayang. This is between Phetburi and Cha Am. And she lived on a farm there. She told me that her husband died in a car accident and that she had one baby, a boy, seven years of age. Later she changed that to a boy and a girl but that is purely for the record. I never found out if her husband really died. But she showed me a picture of herself as a nun staying in a temple with shaved hair. That was supposed to be her mourning days. In Cha Am I found out that she was lying about small things. She said she was going to Tayang but instead I heard from a guy she was going to Hua Hin. These small lies made me a bit suspicious and uncomfortable but I thought: well I am not going to marry her anyway. About six times a day Noi asked me with who and how many times I had fucked a girl on my trip I never admitted and never denied. She even counted my condoms so in fact she knew exactly about my sex life.

While I persuaded Noi to extend the vacation with me, I had a friend and his Thai girlfriend waiting for me in Bangkok. The guy used to be a very good mate and just before I went on the long trip he decided to go to Thailand for just a month and we agreed to see each other and travel around a bit. Noi was going road tripping with us. All these days I was carrying a secret with me in my money and passport belt. While I was in Siem Raep I visited a local disco and of course it was impossible to leave without a small Vietcong lady. She didn’t speak a word of English but it was a pretty good choice. She rolled cigarettes of ganja for me and I tried to converse through the travel books and with hand signs. After hours of sex I asked her kindly if it was ok to take a couple of pictures of her. This was no problem so I shoot a pic or three of her sitting naked on the unmade bed. I had the pics developed in Siem Raep and I gave the negatives to my friend the moto driver. He was very happy and I stuck the photos in the money belt. The pics just didn’t fit in and where just a couple of millimetres to big for the belt. This was ok because I always had the belt with me. I wear it under my T-shirt or hide it away in the room just where the most dust is.

I always took it with me except that first night in Bangkok (it was really my first night there) and I was seeing my good mate downstairs in the famous Crown Hotel. I left Noi in the room where she was taking a shower. I left my belt too with the pics sticking out, on the cupboard easy to see.

Well are you ever caught masturbating by your parents?? I was not either. But it must feel a bit like that I guess. Noi was totally angry and really upset when I came back in the room. I felt so stupid.

I told her I was very sorry for this and I could understand that she wanted to leave immediately and that I would pay a taxi for her to go back to her home.

But she didn’t go that night. After being In bed I asked if I could have my last plea. I opened every register. I went on about my past, being married already before and blah blah…. all the things that would possibly make her change her mind because I did not want her to go. She gave in, and for a few hours we had very rough sex until late in the morning.

From this moment it all changed. My feelings towards her, the whole fucking attitude. Was it guilt? I guess guilt was involved. The weeks after we went to Ko Samui, Pattaya and Kanchanaburi again. Having a good time but strangely we had fights now which we did not have before. We fought about little things but very heavily. Both of us became very stubborn. This was not so nice of course being on the trip of my life, I seemed to be screwing it all up.

I felt in love with Thailand too. The country so nice, the people so happy and nobody screamed. Paradise refound. The last week I stayed in Hua Hin, Noi wouldn't let me go to her farm. I sat by the swimming pool of the Summit Hotel all bloody day. At night Noi showed up and used me as sex meat, so much that that week I felt like the hooker. Noi left every day early in the morning to go work somewhere. I never had a clue where she went.

I got a bit sick of it all an I decided that I would go forward with my original plan, onward to Indonesia. I asked Noi to come but of course she did not have a passport. So I bought a train ticket to Butterworth. Noi went with me to the train station. I was truly sad and so Noi seemed too. When I look at these pictures now we where both looking genuinely brought to tears. I promised to go come back to Thailand to see her again after the trip to Indonesia.

The trip to Indonesia was a big adventure and a thrill. But I will skip most of it because I am not writing a bloody novel here.. In Indonesia I went all the way to Flores. Indonesia is great. It has even more beautiful nature than Thailand I guess. But on the other hand it is not comparable. The girls are nice too!! But they look much older than in Thailand. Indonesia is ruined by the orthodox Muslims. They fucked up tourism for the whole country and it was sad to see everything so much in tatters. It is a big shame but a cruel reality.

You must be a real leftist diehard from Australia to blame the Dutch for all of it. I bought a ticket to Bangkok after about five weeks. Noi kept track of me most of the time but after Bali my phone did not work anymore and I lost contact with everybody. I phoned her in Singapore and I think we where both happy to talk again. I tried to convince her to let me stay at her farm but she hesitated. At Bangkok airport I had already got a ticket for a hotel when she rang me up to ask me if I would be able to come to her farm in Tayang right away. I took a cab. After three hours or so I arrived in Tayang and Noi and her sister Pie showed up to bring me to the long awaited farm.

It was late and dark so I could not see much of it. Noi’s stepfather was already asleep under a mosquito net. I was sleeping alone in a room with a mattress on the floor. I will never forget all the creatures running over me that night. Bugs beetles and everything that crawls. I slept pretty good though. I stayed over a week there and it was a wonderful experience.

The father was one of the nicest Thai men I met. Not shy at all he talked with me with his hands and feet just going on in Thai. He was a simple farmer but I truly liked this man. Noi was in a good mood all the time. She showed up to be a real farm girl. We caught big fish in the rice fields together to barbecue these at night. Fresh mango came from the trees. I was a lucky man.

Noi told me more about herself those days. She was an orphan for a couple of years. Her father died some years ago and he must have been a sort of local gangster in the Petchaburi surroundings. Her mother, who lived alone most of the time remarried later with the man who was now at the farm. Noi's mother died not long ago being electrified at the water pump at the farm. A room on the second floor was a sort of temple for her in the Buddhist way. Sometimes I got up there alone and it beat a bit of the shit out of me. The story of her father was later confirmed by an old monk I met in Petchaburi.

Noi had three half sisters and one real brother. He was working at the police in Petchaburi but it wouldn't surprise me if he is a gangster too. I saw him once but I did not like the guy too much. Although he was police number one. Ha.

Ok it must have been one of those days that I decided to go live in Thailand. I never felt so good and since long I had a feeling of great satisfaction and calmness over me. After the farm week we went together to Ao Nang and Koh Phi Phi. A splendid holiday again. I really liked this part of Thailand. A few too many Muslims piling up dirt in their back garden, but the nature with those strange mountains makes everything brilliant.

Time to say goodbye got closer and closer. I gave a bit of a goodbye party. And I sang karaoke on A Nick Cave song called: ” into my arms.” I guess I became a bit romantic the last days of my trip. I also opened an account for Noi on the farmer Bank and gave her 18000 baht which was the first real money I gave her. We waved goodbye and I went back to Rotterdam which is a bit of a disillusion after 6 months in Asia.

There I was on my own again. My favourite Thai brothel was shut down after the unexpected dead of Mamasan Kim. I hated it. I was soon forced to pick up a job again. I missed Thailand. I missed Noi and her farm. We called and Noi sometimes called me when she was drunk. She spent all her money on that telephone calls. I send in money but not much. I never knew if she was working in the bar again. After I found out that my house fully furnished would give me around 40,000 baht to spend in Thailand a month I decided to work on my house to make everything fine for the rent. It is a big, old house and I had to do a lot of work to make it look good enough. With my regular job and all the restorations I could not make it quick to Thailand. I decided to go for a month again to see Noi again and then go back and finish everything to go for sure to Thailand again.

That month was different. Noi changed. My mood changed too I think. It just did not work that good.

I played in a video clip in Bangkok. For a band called Jiwa. This was a nice experience but the same day Noi and me had an enormous fight. It ended with her going home and me going of the other side to Korat. After a few days I called her again and she asked me to come to the farm. I did but the feeling never really came back. When I left for Holland again I promised Noi to come when my house was ready. I lost the real feeling but I was still blindfolded to come to Thailand and stay there. When I was home Noi called me and apologised for everything saying she still loved me and so on. We had contact by phone three times a week. The feeling never really came back but I was so sick of Holland that I still wanted to go. I told everybody so too!!

When the house was finished I called her to tell that I was ready to come. She asked me to come next year. She even said please and she tried to explain that she had a program. Well true love leaves no traces so untrue love must leave you full of marks. I am still here in Holland. Noi calls me to say she was so sorry by letting me down. I am still in Holland but after nearly one year I am far from happy. That is a big understatement.

Stickman says:

I'd love to know what happens next. Do keep us informed.