Stickman Readers' Submissions January 19th, 2004

Stalked By A Bargirl

Anonymous Submission

Well I'm being stalked.

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Luckily for me my would be stalker is an ocean and 15,000 miles away but modern communications standards have allowed her to incessantly irritate me via the brainchild of one American named Alexander Graham Bell.

Her name is Nid. I never slept with her nor bar fined her, but I think I did lead her on a bit so this situation is partly my fault. When I say I lead her on I mean I would run off to the women's toilet and make out with her while my girlfriend, whether she was aware or suspicious of it of not, sat around waiting for me to return from taking a "piss".

Nid was aware that I had a girlfriend, evidently she didn't really care. In fact what she told my friend's girlfriend was that she didn't want money for me, she just wanted me to bar fine and to have sex with her. In fact her last request before I left Thailand was to have a short time session with her, a request that I never honored.

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Now Nid is absolutely gorgeous. From my small circle of of Thai friends, associates, and my fellow American friend, the general consensus was that I should ditch my current girlfriend and hook up with Nid.

But I couldn't do it. I couldn't escalate these shenanigans from stealing a kiss to anything more. I was too hung up on my girl at the time. I know in the future when I discover that my girlfriend is fucking around on me and it turns out she has several FUH-RANG boyfriends, I'll regret not opting for the 'chick change', as my friend called it.

During my vacation Nid would call me at various hours in the late night / early morning. I visited the rural countryside with my girlfriend for a couple of days and I was receiving text messages from Nid telling me she missed me.

Well one evening I decided to barfine Nid. My girl wasn't in to going to the discos and I wanted to go with my friends so we split up for the evening. I ended up taking Nid, we made a trip down Walking Street to score some ecstasy from a certain mama san. Now, when I would walk down Walking Street with my girlfriend, she would stop and say hello to everybody, she knew a lot of fucking people, mostly bargirls and the welcome girls lining the street.

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As we entered what I called at that moment a fucking buzz saw, I quickly released my grasp from Nid's hand without explanation. She got the point, so I walked with my friend while she walked with my friend's girlfriend. I remember commenting to my friend that at that moment Walking Street was a mine field for me. Right after I had said that two of my girlfriend's friends walked passed me and stopped to say hello.

We finally made it to the bar we were going to, we got inside and ordered drinks and drugs. I thought, finally the coast is clear. I started to cosy up with Nid, playing footsie with each other and feeling each other up underneath the table. She turned to me and gave me a kiss, we started to make out heavily.

Stupidity, a major element in the theory of natural selection. I had been to this bar many times and had even brought my girlfriend here. As I was making out with Nid, the memory of my girlfriend telling me that she had a friend who worked here suddenly slipped in to my head. I stopped kissing Nid, I lifted my head and slowly looked up and to my horrible surprise there was my girlfriend's friend smiling at me. She casually made the classic butterfly hand gesture, followed by the throat slitting hand gesture, followed by the yak-yak-yak hand gesture, and finally concluded with the telephone call hand gesture. This display of universal sign language appeared to me in slow motion and each individual hand gesture was like a bullet slowly entering my brain. Aw shit.

Well to make a long story short I fessed up to my girlfriend the same night, my strategy was the remorseful-honest-guy-that fucked up plan, I was going to try and beat her to the punch. Better she heard it first from me, I could play the story up as me the helpless victim of a crazed sex maniac who was obsessed with me, rather than her friend's more malicious version which paints me as this total bastard with an unquenchable thirst for women that butterflies at every possible corner when my girlfriend is not looking. Well the plan worked, not without a lot of ass kissing and I'm sorry's.

Well I decided to keep it platonic between Nid and I. A concept she couldn't understand.
Hell in America when a girl tells you, or you tell a girl that you "just want to be friends" nobody fucking takes it for what it means. Because what that translates to is I don't like you.

So she had trouble grasping what I had said. And throughout the rest of my trip I continued to receive phone calls from Nid, I can't tell you how many times I was with my girlfriend and I would receive calls from Nid, I would immediately hit 'end call' each time.>Click<>Click<>Beep<>Beep<– That's me quickly trying to erase the phone call from my cell phone, oh yea that's what we call mobile phones here in America, you foreign fucks.
"Who call you?"
"Uh, Uh, nobody, It's my mom."
"Why you not speak with her?"
"Uh because, because….because I don't like her. She's no good."
"You tell me before mama you have very good heart and you love her very much."
"Uh.. That was before. Yeah, change now."
"You toh-lair." <means bullshitStick>

Of course she knew who it was, my girlfriend always wanted me to point out to her who it was when we went to that particular bar. We went to this bar often since my friend's girl was a dancer there, and it was sort of our pre-flight spot. I would always point out the ugliest girl in the joint and it was a different ugly girl each time. Sometimes I would tell my girl that Nid had been barfined already, but really Nid would be sitting right on the other side of me. I think she eventually figured out who it was.

Well here I am in America now. Can somebody please explain the the concepts of time zones and the international date line to these women? GMT+1, GMT+2, etc. Not only am I getting phone calls from my girlfriend in the middle of the night, but I'm getting a barrage of phone calls through out the day from Nid. I mean, doesn't this girl ever sleep? The only time I don't get phone calls from Nid is during her working hours, my quiet time and moment of peace. And Nid doesn't even talk to me, she just hangs up when ever I answer the phone. I'm guessing she got my telephone number through my friend's girlfriend who I've become friends with in the last year.

One time my girlfriend tried to set me up and had a friend call me pretending to be Nid. Except my girl doesn't know Nid's name. So the girl just stated what bar she was from and that she missed me. I didn't buy it, and plus I could hear my girlfriend coaching her in the background and telling her what to say. The girl fucked up a lot and I would hear my girlfriend laughing and correcting her.

Well no shit right after I finished with this phone call Nid calls me. Of course she hangs up again.

This goes to my girlfriend and my stalker, what are we in fucking high school again?
But I guess some times I forget, I am dealing with teenagers or at least they're not far from it. Sorry if I bored the hell out of any of you.

Stickman says:

I have always found the "off" button works well on my mobile.

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