Been In Bangkok 3 Years
Like many of your other readers, your column has improved my life in Thailand, and I'd like to share a few thoughts in return. I'm from the USA, age 37, and have been living in Bangkok the past 3 years. Having been through the bar scene, I agree with much that has been said on the craftiness of the girls who are prostitutes. What I'd like to contribute is a few words about the rest of the 35 million girls who live in Thailand.
First off, learn about 50 words in Thai before you arrive. Where, how much, what's your name, etc.. The regular Thai girls love the effort, and they enjoy practicing their English, having been set more at ease. I've had several live-in girlfriends, and it isn't at all difficult to meet girls near university areas. The Thais like to pretend to go slow in relationships, but they are quite wild in fact. If a girl catches your eye, just walk right up to her and ask her name (in Thai), and 99% of the girls are readily willing to chat for a moment, if you are polite and gentle in your approach. If you hit it off at all, a mobile phone number is quickly exchanged. Get an apartment, as they are so inexpensive, and it helps lend stability to your image. Try to avoid teaching English, as it takes up too much of your time. Export, website development, and modelling in TV commercials does it for me.
Like any country, the guy with the nice clothes and money gets all the looks. My trick is to dress down, and look sloppy sometimes, eliminating all those girls that are after a "fish" – Boston slang for a sucker. And remember, the true measure of a con-artist's talent is how many times he / she can bleed a sucker fish before the mark gets wise to the scam. I attract (and seek out) the deeper qualities of the girl, and offer my own experiences and personality as trade. Twice now, I have had two girls sharing my room, and enjoy the co-operation between the girls. Try not to focus on sex, or money, and steer the conversation to her family, Buddhism, education, or her goals in life. I admit that I also have run into the devil women of Thailand, but now have learned more or less how to identify the species by their conversation. Little verbal slips reveal large material appetites.
The girls to avoid are the ones that are easy to get. In fact, the harder it is to get the girl to even talk to you, the better. Also, avoid the top end, where she has a nice family, is wealthy, etc, as you'll never be accepted fully, and the girls are too pushy. ("I deserve this and that")… And … avoid the bottom end, ultra poor, uneducated, as you'll be called upon gradually to carry the whole family. I recommend young girls in college, especially in the sciences, from a middling family. Overall, I find Thais no more or less deceitful (or money hungry) than girls from the USA, though that may not be saying much. What's wrong with a girl wanting money and the things and security it buys anyway? They seem to be a bit more simple and straightforward if anything, and you can be equally upfront about the spending level you are comfortable with. Sometimes you get lucky, sometimes not. I had a knock-down beauty, a 23 year old, that hit me up for money each morning. She needed 25 baht for lunch, 10 baht for the bus, 5 baht to call, adding up to less than $1. Then, I had a girl, 31, who worked at Avon for 12 years, who never asked me for anything, and was proud of her job and independence.
You gotta deal with these girls as people first, not a hole to plunk your pud into. Well, you can plunk all you want actually, and they like it a lot, but that shouldn't be your primary focus. No wonder the girls want money; what do they have left, what else are you offering? Give them uncritical love, and watch the money issue evaporate – well, careful you learn about personality and character first, and not pick a damaged girl or prostitute in the first place. (ALL bar-girls are damaged).
Now, as for marriage, or bringing the girl back to your country, that's another matter, and I don't recommend it. Not only are there a multitude of clashing cultural issues, failures in communication, but also variant direction of the Thai focus. Too difficult to sound the depths of her soul in a foreign tongue, assuming you have the wisdom to know the difference anyway, even if you did speak Thai. Has every girlfriend you've ever had been a Saint? I didn't think so. Girls are girls, not so different in Thailand. Be kind, care about her life and be interested, let go of your attachment to the result (sex), and you may be amazed at what a culture 95% Buddhist instils in its women.
I think the most important point you make is avoiding the girls that are too easy to meet. Such girls generally do not make the best long term girlfriends. A girl who is discerning in what she wants would generally be a much better bet.