Stickman Readers' Submissions December 18th, 2003

You Couldn’t Make It Up

Anonymous Submission

A few years back, I went with two friends to a Thai restaurant in England. One friend was still married, the rest of us had recently-departed Thai wives.

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We’d been sitting there for an hour or two, enjoying the food and a beer or two, when the (Thai) manager came over to ensure that everything was ok.

Fluent after a couple of Singha beers, my married friend replied in pidgen Thai, to which the manager said ‘Oh, you speak Thai’.

My friend helped me out by pointing at me and saying ‘I can’t, but he can’ (Thanks mate!) I had a brief Thai conversation with the manager, who said that, if I could speak Thai, I must have a Thai wife.

I explained that I had up until recently, but that she had departed for pastures new. His immediate response was that if my wife had left, I could have the waitress, who he beckoned over.

A very attractive girl of 19, she played the shy & demure bit for the next couple of weeks as we returned to the restaurant and got to know her better.

We had to name her ‘Twin Peaks’, as her nickname was the same as my friends ex-wife’s name, so the new name was to avoid confusion (and also very apt!)

It turned out that she was married to an English guy, and had apparently made it clear to him that the only reason she was coming to England was to be able to provide for her Thai family, which he had accepted.

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A brief aside here, when Thai’s come to England on a settlement visa, they are given one year in the country. At the end of that time, if you can prove that the marriage is still in existence, they are granted an indefinite stay (and 3 years after that, can apply for a UK passport).

Well, surprise surprise, after her year was up and her indefinite stay was granted, her husband caught her coming out of a disco with some young guy, and they parted company.

However, he went back to visit the family in Thailand, and ended up bringing his wife’s younger sister over on a student visa ­ so at this point, husband is shacked up with young sister, and (ex) wife is away working in a restaurant.

After a few months, said restaurant closes, and (ex) wife moves back to the marital home, to stay with husband and new partner ­ however, given the Thai tradition, the elder sister rules the roost, and boss's young sister (now effectively wife of ex-husband) around.

It gets better, husband and ex-wife finally divorce, and husband then applies for marriage visa to young sister.

The Home Office (local equivalent of the Embassy) decide they’re taking the piss, and deport young sister to re-apply for the visa in Bangkok.

The best bit is, he’s now in his house with his ex-wife, whilst his new wife is back in Thailand!

Hence the title of this article ­ As they said in 2001 ­ A Space Odyssey ­ Your story is strange, but not strange enough to be true!

Footnote ­ ex-wife eventually found a job in another restaurant, and last I heard, husband is now happily living with younger sister!

Stickman says:

You gotta laugh.

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