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Stickman Readers' Submissions December 15th, 2003

They Are Not All Bad

I'll start with a brief history of my Thailand experiences and then I get down to writing what everybody really wants to read about, BARGIRLS.

I worked in Asia for close to two years, doing what most young guys over there do, teach English. After my first year I took a tour around India and on the way back decided to look up an old friend who had just started teaching in Bangkok. We were new to the bargirl scene but, we both enjoy tossing a few back and then seeing where the night takes us. Well eventually it took us back to his apartment with some female companionship. You can compare the experience to a drug we were both a bit apprehensive at first but once we tried it we both thoroughly enjoyed it and decided that we should try it again, the very next night. We went rather crazy for a week straight. It wasn't like every night we set out to find a new girl it was more like "We've never been to Soi Cowboy let's see what that is like but tonight, just a few beers and no girls" Of course it never worked out that way we were weak willed.

He Clinic Bangkok

After about a week of debauchery, I went back to teach for another year. Due to visa regulations I had to leave and re-enter the country where I was working and, the flights for Thailand always seemed to be the best deal. These were just long weekends but we managed to have a bit of fun. What I noticed was that each time I came back it was harder and harder to find a girl I wanted to go home with. My first time in Thailand it seemed like I would find a girl in the first bar I walked into. That no longer happened, and believe me it had nothing to do with looks, I look for a girl with a personality and she has to be able to speak English. What I realized was that the girls weren't changing I was just becoming more aware of things. I found too many conversations and jokes to be the same no matter where I went. I still managed to find girls that I liked, and I began to realize that they all had something in common. They were all divorced with kids. So I came up with a theory about bargirls. It is a bit of a stereotype but here goes.

There are two major types of bargirls. Girls that they (for whatever reason) enter the scene between ages 18 and 23 rather "inexperienced in life". And girls that get married planning to live a "normal" life until life throws them a curve ball and they are left husbandless, unemployed and with a baby. Many girls like this reluctantly enter the bar scene. I have found these type of bargirls to be a cut above the rest. Okay you'll think I am crazy when I say this but I have found this girls to be: kind, intelligent, trustworthy (never woke up with any money missing), hard working, loyal, realistic, and even honest (albeit only to a certain extent).

It seems that most of these girls want to get remarried, and since they find it too difficult to find a Thai man after they have already had a kid, they think their best chance would be with a foreigner. Yes it is true they are looking for a secure future for themselves and their child / children, but they are not necessarily gold diggers. They would never marry a man they don't care about or one who they do not think is kind hearted. Basically the only way they (and any girl in general) can really make an impression on a guy who is only in Thailand for a few weeks (as most foreigners are) is to sleep with him. Since most of the guys only care about the sex, the girls figures they might as well make some money out of it. Once they find someone who really likes them, then they become less concerned with money. Sure they will go with some "unattractive" customers, but they will never go with someone "attractive" if they are rude and offensive.

Most of these girls really are waiting for their "Cinderella" story. They are waiting for someone to marry them so they can get out of the bar scene. I never used to believe this but then I spent some time with one of these girls and when I tried to preach some self-righteous bullshit to her about getting out of the bar scene she said this to me "do you think I like sitting at the bar every night waiting for some guy to come fuck me?". Most of these girls are waiting for some foreigner to come take them and their baby away from all their problems. Luckily for them, this occasionally actually happens.

You have to remember you see these ladies as bargirls, but they are somebody's Mom, somebody's daughter.

How can I say I think they are honest? Well after I spent a night with them, if we have got along and I tell them all about my life they usually respond and tell me quite a bit about theirs. Why would they lie and say they have been working in the bar for two years? Why not two months? Why say they are divorced and have two kids that live with there Mom? Why not say they have never been married? Do you really think they make up an elaborate story about how they are angry at another girl in their bar because a man sent 100,000 baht so she could get a visa but she took the money and won't return his calls. I mean come on, these girls are not the KGB scheming an elaborate set of lies to separate you from all the money in all your bank accounts. They are just looking for a husband to take care of them. I am not saying I believe everything they say but the idea that these girls are compulsive liars is just not right.

That's about all I have to say. To let you know each time I went back to Thailand I went home with less and less bargirls until the last few times I went and stayed with just one. The only girls I am attracted to are type I just described and it just doesn't seem right, staying with when you know you have no plans for them in your future. It just doesn't seemed to be the right way to treat people, I feel like I am the one who is taking advantage of them.

Of course, yes, I met one of these girls who I really developed feelings for, that is why I don't think I will go back to Thailand again because if I stayed with this girl too long I would certainly start to love her. I don't care that she was married before or that she has kids, but how can I marry her if she is a prostitute? God, that sounds terrible, judging someone by what they are, but its true, that is the only reason why I don't want to stay with this girl. I like her, I believe her, I know she would be faithful to whoever marries her, and I wish I could say what she used to do doesn't matter, but unfortunately it does.

My feelings about these girls have been shaped by many (about 10) different girls, not just the one girl you I was starting to fall for.

Well that's my take on things. Once you see the human aspect of the bargirls, the illusion is never the same. Hopefully I haven't offended anybody. I have no knocks on the "other" bargirls but none of them have ever left any meaningful impression on me.

If you are wondering who I am, I am just a 28 year-old regular looking guy who can occasionally get a western girl, but has certainly lost a lot of motivation to after my "Thailand Experiences".

Stickman says:

Nice. This definitely highlights one bunch of the working girls in the farang oriented sector of the industry. From what I gather, the backgrounds of the girls in the Thai scene tends to be a little different, babies and thus single mothers much less common.