Stickman Readers' Submissions December 15th, 2003

Another Thai Heartbreak

I worked in Singapore for about 3 months over the past summer. While I was there I met and fell in love with a very nice lady, who just happens to be from Thailand.

I met her in a bar in Orchard Towers. Yes, she was working, but apparently it was her first time. She had come to make some money to pay for her tuition to finish her degree in civil engineering.

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It was the standard Thai 2 week tourist visa to Singapore, and she had been there a few days before we met. After we met though, she spent the rest of her time with me. She never demanded any money from me, only what she needed to pay for her room and whatever she had to pay to the bar she had been working in.

She didn't speak much English, so I picked up a Thai phrase book. After a trip to the zoo and the night safari, I was counting and identifying animals with her. Before too long, I was telling her she was beautiful, and how I felt about her. The day she had to go back to Thailand came far too soon.

So the very next weekend I went to visit her. It was my first time in Thailand. She said she was staying in a 'lady only' apartment, so we stayed at a hotel near the airport. She said she had never stayed in a hotel before.

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We had a great time together, and I was starting to develop some feelings for her now. I had read a lot on your website shortly after starting this relationship, and I tried protect my heart. When I left to return to Singapore, she asked me if she could borrow 17,000 baht so she could pay her friend back for the trip to Singapore. She seemed very surprised that I was so willing to give her the money, and that I believed her. Maybe this should have set off some alarms in my head.

I went back the following weekend. I was unable to contact her before I showed up at the airport, so it was a bit of a surprise. I flew in on a Thursday night, and she had class that Friday. We went out with her two friends that night though, and had a great time. This was in August.

Now fast forward to September. I had to return to the US, and I had been away from her for a few weeks, and I wanted to see her really bad. I had talked about visiting her the week before, but she thought I said that I was going to be there, not might be there, and she was a little doubtful that I would really show up. But, I did.

Once again we had a good time. I think the 72 hours we spent together was well worth the 23 hours each way it took me to get there. I think this was also the first time that we had an argument. She didn't seem as affectionate this time around as before. She seemed different. I know public displays of affection are bad, but it didn't seem like it was happening in private now either. I asked her about this, and she got upset.

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We seemed to have things worked out though, and I said that if we were still in love after having known each other for a year, that I wanted to marry her. She seemed to be okay with this.

I was on a job in Tokyo in October, and I wanted her to come visit me there. She said something about a 5 day period she would have off. It would take too long for her to get a visa though, so I would go visit her for a weekend, and then again for the 5 days.

Once again she seemed a bit colder than she was before. I asked her about this, and I made the supreme mistake of telling her I didn't understand her. She seemed to get over it though. This time when I left she said she needed 37,000 baht to pay for her tuition. I asked her why she waited until we were at the airport to tell me she needed that kind of money. She got pretty upset about that too. I ended up managing to pull it out of the ATM using a couple different accounts, and that combined with what I had in my pocket was enough. I figured I'd be seeing her again the following week for 5 days anyway.

But when I called her from Tokyo, she said she had made a mistake and she had to study on those days. I already had tickets to go. I was scheduled to leave Tokyo and go back to the US after my would be return date. I told her I couldn't change the tickets. She was very adamant though about me not coming to Thailand if she couldn't take care of me, so I ended up going straight back to the US.

Her last day of classes was going to be 10 December. We agreed I wouldn't see her again until after she was finished, because she had to attend class or fail. A week after I returned to the US, she said she was out of money again. I sent her 19,000 baht. How did she live before she met me?

We had some sort of misunderstanding on the phone, and she wouldn't answer for 3 days. I figured it was over. My heart had been ripped out. I actually cried. How could it all end over something so silly.

I got through to her finally, and she acted like nothing had happened.

A couple of weeks later she said she was out of money again, and I sent her another 19,000 baht. There were also times now when she would not answer her phone, although she had always said that I could call her anytime.

Not more than 5 days later, she said she was out of money again, but I had reached my monthly limit with Western Union of 1000 US per month. I said I couldn't send her any money for a couple more weeks. So she said she would borrow from her friend.

Fast forward now to the end of November, and as soon as I could, I sent her 19,000 more baht so she could pay her friend back. I had originally planned to visit her for 3 weeks starting on 19 December, but I figured I could show up on 10 December, so I asked her if this was okay. She said she had a job to do at the University now, and she didn't know how long it would take, and to stick with the 19 December date.

Last week when I spoke to her, she said she was all out of money again. She also said she was at the auto show with her friend. I had spoken to her friend before, and I asked if I could say hi to her. She said no, because her friend was watching the show. I told her I'd be there next week, and asked if she could wait for me to just give her the money when I got there. She said never mind.

I called her back the same evening about 3 hours later, and I asked her if she was still at the auto show. She said no, that she was reading. I heard announcements and engines revving in the background.

The next day I called and she said she was downstairs from her apartment. Her lady only apartment. I heard a guy talking to her or very close to her. I said something about her apartments being 'lady only' and she said 'what about are you thinking'? Then she hung up and wouldn't answer her phone for 2 days.

When I finally reached her, I told her I was sorry. Really, I don't know what's going on where she is, and I don't have any real reasons not to trust her or to think she has lied to me. Okay, maybe I do, but for the moment I do trust her and I do believe her.

Then I tried to call her again yesterday, and now she isn't answering again. I'm pretty sure now, that this will be it. She's going to tell me that her job at the university is going to take longer than she thought. She's going to tell me not to come, because she can't take care of me.

I thought I had something special. I realize that she needs to send money to her family, but I think I've given her about 100,000 baht over the last 4 months, and I've only physically been with her for about 15 days total.

At this point, I'm planning to show up in Thailand 17 December. I wrote her an email, and I said never mind about taking care of me, that I would take care of her. If she ever reads it is another story. I would be happy to spend a few weeks with her going to work during the day, just as long as I could hold her in my arms at night.

I never went to Thailand to hit the bar scene. I only went to see her. And I would have felt the same about her no matter where she was from. She just happened to be Thai.

Writing this has sort of put things into perspective for me though. It probably is over, and if it isn't, it probably should be. I'm sure I've given her more money than the University could ever pay her for a month. Something else is going on here, and I need to let go. Well, hopefully my new Thai language skills won't be wasted.

Stickman says:

Cut her off! This girl is no good. Oh, my fingers hurt from my accident. I'd write more, but you have to send me money for doctor. Not expensive. I think 19,000 baht enough for first operation. But doctor say serious. Maybe need two operation, or three…

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