It's snowing. Big, fat, puffy flakes are dropping from the 6 pm blackness. Night seems to come too early these days. A chill races up my spine as I look out the window.
Week after week my work comes and goes, all routine and regimented. Boring and dull. As of late I have been drinking too much, on the steep side of the slope and losing my footing. I finally recognized this because I got bagged and made a complete fool of myself at a friend's party last week.
Time to take the initiative and get my life in order. I miss Thailand but cannot afford to go back for a while. God, winter really sucks. I miss Thailand. I miss Lek.
My phone bill came this month; looks like a good portion of my pay check will end up paying Ma Bell.
Went shopping this evening, had to get some groceries. The local teenagers were outside the shopping mall, all goofed up on dope. Hmmm, 25 years ago that would have been me before the responsibility of being an adult crushed the sheer pleasure of being stupid with my friends. Now I catch a football game with my chums and drink beer, discuss politics and how stupid our teenagers have become.
I work at a job I despise, settle into a joyless routine and work for an uncertain future. Lek will wait for me, but for how long? She is a graduate student and quite certain of her merits. For a Thai girl, she is a bit pudgy at 60 kg. Lek is lonely and a touch neurotic. I don't mind, she is everything to me.
I miss the warm winds and smiles of warm women. When I got back from Thailand, I was a happy man, energized and ready for any challenge life could present. I smiled a lot. Yesterday I saw a beautiful woman sitting in the coffee house next to my office. As I walked by, I smiled at her. Astonished, she just looked quickly down and away as if I had unzipped my trousers and pulled out my cock and waggled it at her.
This same reaction happened over and over with other women, if you make eye contact with a woman here in the states, they will act self-conscious, perhaps scared. Hey, I'm not a scary looking guy, so I think I was expecting a response they just cannot give. It's tough to smile when you are scared or unsure and insecure. Thailand is so very different in this
Looking in the mirror this morning I began to notice the small things, hair going gray, thinning out. My beard now has touches of gray. My paunch is a little bigger. Just turning 40 made me feel old. I felt a sense of loss when I had my birthday. Perhaps I am just in a self-pity morass. Yeah, I am sure of it but I know that my life has changed since Thailand. I have something to work for. I have my pudgy little Lek waiting for me.
In my office I see dour and sad people all day long. Sometimes I am one of those dour worker bees, stuffed into a cubicle with awful fluorescent lighting. Not even a window in the section where I work! God, it is depressing sometimes. I know I have to make a change to something better, but need the money and pseudo-security my position affords me. I have been thinking about Thailand and contemplating if I can make a go of it. I could teach English, but my heart would not be in it. I was an Earth Science instructor for 5 years. Teaching was a chore to me, the first 3 years were fun and rewarding, and then the district administration began to screw with the teaching schedule. I taught 3 classes at one school and then had to drive across town to teach another 3 classes and then an evening remedial class at another school. Within 2 years, I quit and went into the corporate sector. So did a fair number of my co-workers. Now the district is utilizing TA's at an alarming rate. The parents constantly raise hell and gripe because the quality of education and trained educators are missing. I 'm glad I'm out of that situation.
The first big snow of the season came last week. I worked late because all the idiots would be racing home to beat the bad road conditions, thus creating havoc and plenty of accidents. Rodney (our office gambler) came by with the office pool, a dollar to wager on how many accidents there would be. For a fiver, you could bet on how many injuries and deaths would happen. How perfectly morbid and depraved we all are at my office.
Lek has purchased a digital camera. She takes photos of everything around her and sends them to me by email. I must admit that she tends to capture her surroundings in a very strange way, she photographed her toes and edited the pictures and put smiley faces on them before she sent them to me. She sent several series of photos of her feet and toes with different digital effects. I think I have a GF with a fetish for feet.
I sent Lek some photos of my town and all of the snow. She is fascinated with it; she has never seen or experienced snow. I think it will be a big shock to her system, but she is a tough little cookie and up for the challenge.
Information and forms arrived in the mail today to bring Lek over on a visa. 15 multiple page, multiple copy, fill out in triplicate government forms. Cripes, it will take me a few days just to read the instructions! Well, have to start somewhere. My good friend Calvin has offered to help sort through the mess. As a rule I generally don't associate with lawyers, but Calvin is an OK guy. He loves contract law and has a good practice and some fairly high profile clients. He also has a Thai wife.
Lek called me on my birthday and talked dirty to me for a few hours. She can really get detailed and quite perverted when she wants to. I would like to peer into her fantasies more often. Perhaps they involve feet and toes?
The snow is coming down fairly heavy now. The streetlight has a wonderful halo and is slowly dimming as the white stuff snuffs visibility beyond 20 feet.
Last night I stopped off at the pub for a few beers. It was late and the normal crowd was gone. Tony the bartender came over to me and asked if I could drive our mutual friend Jeremy home. Jeremy was over in the corner booth, trying to drink a scotch on the rocks, and missing his mouth completely. Jeremy has had a rough time over the last month. His wife left him and took his 3-year-old daughter. They both were killed in an automobile accident 5 days after leaving Jeremy. Tony talked to a number of Jeremy's friends because he saw some suicidal tendencies in Jeremy. We got together with Jeremy and persuaded him to see a grief counselor. Now he spends his time working, taking Xanax, and then getting plastered every evening. Tony has even taken the step of watering down Jeremy's drinks and not charging him for half of them. I really feel for the guy, his life is a complete Greek tragedy.
After driving Jeremy home I began to think about my life. Even though my day-to-day routine is predictable and boring, I can still plan for bringing Lek over.
Lek's mom is a sweet and quite average Thai woman. She divorced her husband after his mia nois began to erode the small amount of savings they put away. With 4 kids and 2 jobs, I respect the hell out of that woman. She managed to take a bad situation and turn it into a bearable one for her children. Lek's mom gave me the 'what are your intentions with my daughter ' speech the last time I was In Thailand. When I said that I wished to marry Lek, she beamed and was one happy woman. She asked me about my job, my finances and the normal questions a parent would ask of her daughter's suitor. The dreaded sin sod came up. She initially asked for 500K baht, but backed down to 100K after some rather skilful negotiations on my part. The wrinkle with this situation is that Lek's Dad found out she was going to be married and now has asked for the sin sod to be paid to him also. During a call to Lek, I spoke to her Mom and told her that I would pay one sin sod only, and only to her. Without directly inferring, Lek's mom alluded to the fact that her ex-husband tends to play cards and gamble. Enough said on that issue.
My life has changed since I came back from Thailand. I went on vacation to go scuba diving and ended up meeting Lek. She just happened to be on a weekend holiday with some friends at Phuket. We met at a food stall, I was having problems communicating what I wanted with my noodles, and Lek came over and translated. We ended up spending a week with each other before she had to start her classes. At first the relationship was just a cordial friendship, then we began to have sex. The first time with her was rather clumsy and awkward. She said that she had only had sex 3 times before and was not skilled at lovemaking. I did not believe her at first, but I began to believe her after I got to know her better. She has a bad self-image and is very touchy about her weight. She even tried the trap of 'does this dress make me look fat?' question.
I went reef diving during the day and then partied at night. I had my share of bargirls and then felt rotten afterwards, quite possibly because I drank too much, or perhaps I just felt guilty. For some reason Lek and I had just clicked. Lek would travel all night on a bus to come see me. She had classes Monday through Wednesday in BKK and would leave as soon as her Wednesday afternoon lab was over. I came back to the states when she was seeing her Mom. There was an angry phone message for me when I returned home, Lek was enraged that I did not get her so she could see me off at the airport. I did not want a big emotional scene, so I just left when my vacation was up. It all happened way, way too fast. I had my doubts if it was real. Did I really want this? Did I want Lek to be a permanent part of my life?
We exchanged emails and called each other for a few months. I knew I had to get back into her daily life somehow. My chance came when my company was having a cash crunch. They furloughed my entire division for a month. The next day I was in the air on my way to Thailand. I even blew my frequent flier miles to upgrade to business class. 20+ hours in coach was not my idea of fun. I stayed in a hotel close to her student housing room. She ended up spending the entire month with me. It was the best time in my life.
In the past I had consigned myself to a boring and tame existence. Having been married once and divorced, I had no intention of marrying again. Then I visited Thailand. I met Lek. I learned to live in the moment.
That's how Thailand changed me. I was just coasting along in life before this pudgy Thai girl came into view. We seem to understand each other on some non-verbal level. Lek pays attention to me and that is flattering and ego boosting. Not like an American woman at all. During our time together and long distance talks, I came to a realization: Her goals in life are very complimentary to my goals. At first I thought my feelings were nothing more than infatuation and carnal lust. Then the time away from her caused me to evaluate my life, evaluate my real desires and goals. Lek fits into them quite nicely.
I am concerned with her father's request for money. Lek has taken the view that he is out of the family's immediate circle and does not have a say in the sin sod, or in any other family issues. The family seems to be rather angry with Lek's father at the moment.
Now for the reality check. I have known Lek for 6 months and the time is drawing near for our marriage. The little voice in my head is telling me to be cautious and to be absolutely sure. Am I thinking clearly? I sure as hell hope so.
I came across stickmanbangkok.com when I was searching for information on Bangkok and Thailand. I read the reader submissions and had a few laughs. Some of the stuff that is written is quite good; some of the stuff is nothing more than bonked a whole lot of whores reports. Kudos to you Stickman for such a unique website. You seem to have made a good life for yourself in Thailand. In some ways I envy you. I envy you because you do not have to see snow, or deal with bitchy and unhappy Western women on a daily basis. As a teacher you have to put up with constant BS. from school administration. I empathize with you in this situation. If you can put up with it, more power to you.
Like you, I have an interest in the women of Thailand and in particular, the women of the night. It is fun to talk to some of these women, get their views on their trade and how they manage to make it all work in the long run. I had never heard the term 'Katooey" until I was at a seedy bar in Phuket. I was taken with a good-looking woman and was chatting with her. An Aussie leaned over and mentioned that the girl was a 'Katooey'. If I was into that kind of thing, then go for it. I asked him what a 'Katooey' was and he smiled and said 'a chick with a dick'. Way too close that time…
Time for me to go, I have go and start up the snow blower and clear my driveway. Winter sucks.
Winter does suck, but then it is but a distant memory, something I have not experienced for more than a few years…